HI again everyone. I last posted a question about adoption and grandparent visitation. Now I have a question about my daughter.

She is 7 years old. And about 3 1/2 years ago my mother began babysitting for her while I worked and went to college. She (my mother) had just gotten on SS Disability. So she had nothing to do anymore but involve herself in everyone else's lives. At the time her being my mother I thought that her babysitting would be the best thing ever! I paid her and I figured my daughter was being treated very well since hse was the grandbaby. Little did I know that my own mother would slit my throat in a heartbeat if it meant her getting something out of the deal.

So anyway long story short I cut all ties with my mother exactly 7 months after she began babysitting (prior to babysitting she had minimal contact with her) got a restraining order because she went psycho and battled her for 2 years in court over visitation only to lose. So for the past year that woman has had forced legal visitation with my daughter for one weekend every other month from 6pm Friday until 6pm Sunday unsupervised.

Prior to my mother babysitting my daughter was VERY well behaved, potty trained and in preschool at age 3. Total sweetheart and everyone was her best friend. When my mother began babysitting she did all things I asked and only occasionally went against my rules for my daughter. I figured it was just grandma being grandma at the time. My daughter went 2 years without seing her and was making honorroll in school. Never had behavior problems from her except the occasional normal tantrum. And was very outgoing and wanted everyone to be her friend.

Since the court ordered visitation began, my daughter has slowly turned into my mother. Hatefule, spiteful, mean, vindictive, sneaky. Lies, steals, and is very aggressive towards me and my fiance. She will tell me right to my face that she doesn't like rules and will do whatever she wants. And that she gets in trouble all the time because she hopes that will make me not want her and then she can go live with my mother where there aren't any rules. She will got to a visit and for three weeks afterwards she will get in trouble every day at school and will mouth off at home. Then she will finally begin to calm down. But still gets into trouble at least 2-3 times a week at school and very often at home.

Now don't get me wrong I am NOT a passive parent who thinks I need to be my children's best friend and buy their love or talk to them like they are grown ups. In my house I am the boss and they do as I say or they get punished. Now, don't misunderstand. i am not a big fat meany in my house and don't allow fun or play with my children. I am the biggest kid you'll ever meet. I play dress up and I play barbies still and I race cars on the floor. I am a heck of an artist with sidewalk chalk and I can just about make any disney creation out of pancakes. But when it is "business" time. I put the hammer down. I do not beat my children but I believe in spankings. Most of the time I make my youngest son (2) go sit down when he is being bad, which kills him more than anything.

But with my daughter... i have tried everything!!!!! From spankings, to time out, to corner time, to major chores, to no tv, to nothing in her room but a bed and her clothes, to going straight to bed after she gets home and is fed. We have gone out to dinner and if she got introuble that day she ate spaghetti o's at home while the rest of the family has steaks out. And I am here to tell you that my daughter has the stubborness of her mother. And she WILL NOT BREAK. She doesn't care what you do to her she is still going to do whatever she wants. Now at 7 it isn't that bad. But I want to head it off now. Counselors at school can't even get through to her. In her littl mind my mother has convinced her that she doesn't have to follow ANYBODIES rules and she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants and if anyone tries to punish her for it she can call the cops and tell them I hit her and she will get her way. Can I remind you that she is ONLY 7!!!! Now when I was 15 and mouthed off to my father he gave me a black eye and a busted lip. And believe me, I NEVER mouthed off to him again. But this day and age and given that she is a way bit younger than I was that is not an option. Not to mention I would go to jail and lose my other two kids.

So other than eliminating my mother, which is not possible at this time.( believe me I have been trying for 3 years now) and other than locking my daughter in her room and serving her ham sandwiches andwater for a week (believe me I thought about it ) Does ANYONE have any ideas on how to tame this wild child before she becomes dangerous to my boys, myself and/or herself????

achampio21

I haven't revisited this on here yet, but I have sat my daughter down and discussed it with her. She said that my mothers boyfriends have never touched her in a "bad" way. They have only tickled her. I made sure that it was only in the "usual" areas that someone would tickle her. I also confirmed that the men haven't seen her naked and NEVER go in the bathroom or bedroom when she is there. She told me that her little cousin ( a girl) does take baths with her when she is there but nothing happens. They just get yelled at for splashing water everywhere.

And as far as my mother is concerned, I am no longer worried about it. Over this past weekend I got some much needed time with my honey and he let me get everything off my chest. I have been really depressed throughout the whole legal battle and had given birth to 2 more babies during the legal stuff. I haven't been able to have any kind of relax time. So I have been letting it all build. Well, I am going to enroll in counseling and some kick-boxing classes. I think the couselor will help me with my past and present issues and the kick-boxing will allow me the much needed stress outlet!! (besides I can fantasize that my mother is the target lol sorry that's probably not funny) Anyway, I really appreciate everyone's help and advice. I think it will all turn out to be awesome for all.

I will post updates as they happen!!!

Thanks again!!!

achampio21

Just wanted to give small update...

The paperwork has been completed and filed. Just waiting on courts to give thumbs up and send us our copies. She will soon be moving in with her biological father and she is quite exicted now. She said she is scared of not living with me and the change. But that she can't wait to see her real dad and her other brother and all of her other family. She said she will miss me and seeing me everyday but that she really does want to go there. She is just scared. I told her it will be okay and that she will be scared and nervous and sad at first, but that she will get used to it just like she gets used to school every year. She is ready and I am okay with all of it. Though I too will ahve to get over not seeing her every morning and being with her all day and not seeing her at the dinner table on the nights I am off and we all eat together.

Thank you all I will continue to update.

ANB428

Congratulations. I will continue to pray for you and your daughter. I know that it is going to be hard for both of you, but it sounds like a great decision. I hope everything works out well. Maybe your daughter will realize that there are rules everywhere and you were just thinking about what is best for her. Let us know what happens. What does your mom think about all of this?

achampio21

Thank you!! I am positive it will work out.

i have no idea what my mother thinks, and honestly don't care.

Thank you again. I will update again soon.

achampio21

Small Update!!

My daughter went to live with her father in August. 2 weeks after she was settled in I get a phone call from her wanting to come home because daddy told her no. I told her that she was made aware of the rules going into it and that she was not going to go back and forth. She cried and said she was sorry and that she wants to come home and that I was right. But I held firm. She is staying with her dad. Sometimes tough love is best I guess. She learned a valuable lesson the hard way. I hung up and cried like a baby. But I know if I was to give in she would "win" and not learn anything. But she is doing very well in school and dad reports her behavior to be back and forth similar to how it was with me.

Thank you everyone for help and advice (be it good or bad) For now I feel content in the choice. She is doing okay and learned her lesson, I miss her but I can see her whenever I want. Since my daughter moved out we have documented proof of my mother calling my house 12 times. (I KNEW IT WAS ABOUT ME AND NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!!!) Dad reports that my mother has called him at least every other day asking questions about me. And my daughter says she asks her all the time when she is going to see me again and if I have called.

Want to know the BEST part.....

My daughter says to me just recently...
"Mommy, MeMe(my mother) doesn't say bad stuff about you anymore. She just asks me a bunch of questions about you everytime I see her. I like going over there better now. She just bought some chickens!!!"

I was sooooooooooo happy to hear that!! Now my daughter doesn't have to feel guilty about going there or guilty about talking to me and my mother isn't being hateful anymore!!! Maybe my little girls life will be somewhat normal now!!!

Thanks again everyone!!

liz28

That's good to hear and in the long run it was best for your daughter and that's what count.

achampio21

Thank you!!

And I LOVE your signatures!!!

liz28

Thank you! Hope you come back with another good report and hope your daughter continues to improves. I find it so owe how kids listens to their father sometimes more than the mother. It's good she has a good dad. Me and my daughter talk about her living with him if she should ever get out of control. My daughter listens to me and sometimes she tries to back talk but she never does it with her father.

achampio21

I know what you mean. My other two babies ALWAYS listen to their dad but don't always listen to me. I think it is a testosterone thing!! But either or it has turned for the best for my daughter. I miss her so much though. It has been hard going to bed knowing she isnt in her bed. And when the school bus goes by in the morning and afternoon I think about her being on it. But I know that just the fact that I mother doesn't say bad things about me to her anymore is all worth it. Besides she knows I love her and I know she loves me.

We have this little thing called the kissing hand. It came from a book. Ever heard of it the book is called (you guessed it) "The Kissing Hand". You should look it up and read it. It is a beautiful book.

Thanks again I will come back soon with more reports!!!