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Originally Posted by MsMewiththat I didn't read much of anything prior to what was written today, so forgive me if this has been discussed already. Raising children is a very important responsibility. I'm not going to be harsh, but I am going to be real with you. Stop making excuses for why your daughter behaves the way she does. Communicate with her and let her know it stops now. YOU ARE THE PARENT. I see much of what you are doing as wrong. First and foremost, no you can't punish the rest of the children when you have to punish her, but taking away meal time and changing what she is allowed to eat is not at all fair. This type of rationale is most likely carried over into other areas in your dealings with her and she is growing resentful. Treat her with respect. Have boundaries, be firm, stick with the rules and be persistent. I am not saying that your daughter may not be challenging you, I'm sure she is. You are the adult. My child would come home from visits with big ideas and stories it's our duty as parents to handle it very carefully but not to feed in to it. You know what it's about so don't give in to it. One question for you though? Do the other kids visit grandma too? Why is she the only one that comes home with problems? |
Okay. First off. I don't make excuses, I am being honest. She knows I am the parent and she knows what she is doing is wrong and she still does it. She sees a counselor and even the counselor says she is well aware of her actions and the consequences that will occur when she does what she does. She just simply doesn't care. She knows that I can't whoop her, she knows I can't scream at her, she knows I can't truly punish her. My mother has told her all of the things that consititute child abuse and told her to call 911 anytime it happens. Even YELLING at a child can be considered child abuse if the officer wants to enforce it. She has also been told all she has to do is tell them I am threatening her and they will arrest me. She tells me right to my face that she can do whatever she wants and nothing will happen to her.
I don't take away meal times. I feed my child 3 times a day. The only thing I do is if my fiance and I had a dinner date planned and she got in trouble that day she will eat at home before we go and not eat out with us. Her brothers are 1 and 2. So it's not like they get steak dinners and she gets bread and water. I feed her very well. (I love to cook and I am not mean).
Her brothers do not visit with my mother because she didn't include them in her visitation battle. She has never seen either of my sons and I will go to my grave before I let her. One child messed up is enough. I won't let her screw the other two up.
My daughter just recently was caught with her hand over my littliest one's mouth and nose. I removed her hand, picked up the baby, and asked her calmly what she was doing. She stated, "I wanted to hear this show and he was crying and being annoying." I was shocked. I asked her is she realized that she could kill him doing that, and she responded by shrugging her shoulders and staring at the tv. I had to walk away.
I am telling you, me describing it on here does not even come close to doing the situation justice. It is horrible. My hands are tied and I am afraid to go to sleep at night for fear of waking up and my sons are dead.
As horrible as it sounds I feel like the parents in the horror flick "Chucky". or pet Cemetary by Stephen King. She was my little doll baby growing up. She was so sweet and loved her mommy soooooo much. She would dance with me and sing with me and want me to hold her hand and would run to me and kiss me everytime I got home. Now she just can't stand me. And wont even hug me.
I know it isn't her fault. I also know she prob doesn't totally comprehend what she is doing. But I can't fix it. The counselor told me that when he talks to her she is calm and collected and very easy going. But the things she says just blow him away for as young as she is. She is accurate in all of the legal info that she has and in all honesty is prob right about juvenile too. She knows her boundaries and doesn't mind to step over them whenever she wants. He used this analogy...
"I know it sounds radical, but she seems to have the same mindset as a person on deathrow. She knows what she has done and continues to do is wrong but doesn't mind suffering the consequences. She understands fully that she is to follow the rules set forth by her mother but refuses because she just simply "wants to". She is well-aware of the fact that the older she gets the worse the consequences could become legally and she responds to that as "I will be good when I get what I want." "
He doesn't think that counseling can necessarily "fix" her because she honestly doesn't believe anything is wrong with her and has been convinced that because she is a little kid she can do whatever she wants. She TRULY believes these things. So he says you can't fix someone that doesn't believe they are broken. And you can't convince them they are broken if they refuse to listen. Maybe if she remains in counseling throughout adolescence she will change, but he can't predict the future and who can really blame a child for taking full advantage of a situation where they know they can win.
And one more thing, I can't treat someone with respect that doesn't respect me. I tried the whole "friends" thing. She worked me over real good. I tried the "I'm the parent, you are the child" thing and she laughed in my face. I tried the "ultamatum" thing and she didnt care. I have fought for 5 years to get her away from that woman and get my little girl back. But I am one person against a whole army, of which most of them are judges, CPS, and officers. I can't fight anymore. My son's are suffering because of this and that's not fair.
I appreciate you being blunt and harsh. But I am telling you the God's honest truth when I say I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING!
I want her out of my house and away from my sons. My head and heart battle over that very phrase 24/7/365. My head screams get rid of her, and my heart screams No, shes my baby girl. But I can tell you this, my 2 year old is already starting to act just like her. And I will be damned if I have 3 of them in my house that act just like my satanic mother.
Can you really blame me at this point? I think I would try harder if I hadn't already fought this long. I have spent close to $20,000 JUST on lawyers. That doesn't include the bill for this counselor. I had to recently file bankruptcy just to get rid of my other bills so I could afford to pay the lawyers. I have almost lost everything trying to keep a child in my life that is trying everything to get out of it. It's like trying to save someone from drowning that is fighting you the whole way to shore. You either have to knock them out and force them to shore or risk going down with them. I can't knock her out and I won't go down with her. So my other option is to let her go and live with THAT freakin guilt for the rest of my life. And hope that looking at my 2 sons everyday will make it better.
I really do appreciate any comments though. Even if they seem "harsh". I am lost at this point. And I am backed into a corner. I never imagined having to do this when I was rocking her 8 years ago and singing to her beautiful sleeping face.
) Does ANYONE have any ideas on how to tame this wild child before she becomes dangerous to my boys, myself and/or herself????
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