I have struggled for the past 9 years fighting to see my daughter thru a divorce and now she doesn't want to come spend the weekends as before. Obviously my ex-wife has everything to do with it!
I feel today like my life is over, sensing that my daughter no longer loves me and am completely distraught.
I picked her up and my ex called the police and they told her I had every right and told me I could force her, but why would I want to force someone, crying, to love or come with me?
I feel everything I have done is worthless and so is my life, sincerely.
I don't think it's obvious that your ex has everything to do with it. I think this is primarily between you and your daughter.
The last time you two were together, what did you do together?
Also, it's normal for relationships to wax and wane. Was your relationship with her ever good? When was that and what was that like? Maybe you can get back to that.
But if you have always been forcing her and she was never really happy to be with you, that's something to think about and work on. Don't give up. But don't put all the blame on others. Think constructively about what YOU can do to make this situation more satisfactory for both you and your daughter. You are right that you cannot force love. You have to nurture it with respect and patience.
I don't think it's obvious that your ex has everything to do with it. I think this is primarily between you and your daughter.
The last time you two were together, what did you do together?
Also, it's normal for relationships to wax and wane. Was your relationship with her ever good? When was that and what was that like? Maybe you can get back to that.
But if you have always been forcing her and she was never really happy to be with you, that's something to think about and work on. Don't give up. But don't put all the blame on others. Think constructively about what YOU can do to make this situation more satisfactory for both you and your daughter. You are right that you cannot force love. You have to nurture it with respect and patience.
There are a lot of great points here. I have had some experience with teenagers treating you like you are saying. (if you are telling all) listen to her advise, it might take a while, but through my experience it worked out. If you need to, you might have to distance yourself.
I can sympathize. This is a really difficult age for girls and they often cling to what feels secure - even if you feel that her mother is trying to alienate you from her.
Take your cues from your daughter. Make it really clear that you love her and that it is her choice whether she comes to stay with you or not. Accept her choice. Ring, or better still, text her so that your Ex does not need to be the intermediary in these discussions. Try to create a relationship with her - separate to your Ex - at 14 she is old enough for this to begin.
Don't forget birthdays or special events or milestones. Be there always in spirit even if you are not there physically.
It hurts like hell now, but she will come round. She will eventually also see what her mother is doing and she will know that you were always there for her.
i think you should take on a lot of the advice given, i think your doughter is very lucky to have a dad who cares so much, she is young but i no when she is older she wil understand and love you for never givin up, be patient she will come to you when she is ready. dont beat your self up! be patient and it will happon. take care and trie to be positive.
It is difficult for teenagers to be away from their friends and lives every other weekend to go to dad's. If you all lived in the same house, she wouldn't likely be spending time with you either, if her priority, like a lot of kids that age, is the social life.
I'm not sure that is the exact case with you, but it is something to consider. Maybe it is her age, rather than you as her parent, that has her going in a different direction with her weekends now.
Don't feel you have lost her forever. You've been in her life for many years, and she must know by now that you love her. In time, she will come around if you don't give up on her, and you don't give up on yourself.
Loving a child is not 'worthless', and hanging in there, taking a deep breath, and allowing her some space is a very worthwhile gesture. It is respectful, and you are complying with her wishes. At age 14, may as well be gracious about it, because it will likely happen anyway.
When she needs you, you will know. Keep in touch. Send an email once a week, telling her what you've been up to, and ask her how her week went. Let her know simply that she is welcome in your home anytime she wants to come. You may not get any replies, but belive me, she will remember the emails you send.
Remember her birthday as has been said here, and Christmas, Easter, etc., and stay informed with her school as to her progress. I would think that there is nothing illegal about you calling for progress reports, but don't quote me on that. But, if you possibly can, establish a connection with the school, and show up for graduation, and special events.
You may not see any immediate gain, but then you can't turn back the clock either. She is growing up, and maybe if you plan a bit for the future now, by keeping up the best you can with what's going on in her life, she will re-establish a really good connection down the road with you.
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