My 4 yr old son goes to pre-school and seems to always talk about his best friend Anthony. One day I picked him up from school and told me that Anthony likes to hold his hand because they love eachother. The next day he tells me that he only loves boys and not girls. On several occasions he has asked me are boys only supposed to loves girls and not boys. Should I be concerned. My husband has two other sons from a previous marriage and one of them is gay so I'm a little worried.

mudweiser

Hi.

Why would you be worried if your son is gay?
Are you religious or something?

If it were me I would let him be. He's growing for cripes sake. If he were gay wouldn't you want him to be open with you about it then to live with a secret for years and be inflicted and in a lot of emotional pain?

What do you want a happy child or one that is trying so hard to please his parents and hide the fact that he's gay that it hurts him?

I'd take the happy child. Gay or not you should love him either way.

Besides he's only 4! If he were touching his friends penis then that's something to worry about because he's not of age to be doing that.

Seriously lady, don't try to change him. Let him be who he is.

Sarah

Mistique

Well, most boys start talking about girls very young...at least from my observation of two nephews and my girlfriends children. I also remember being picked on by boys (like us all) because they liked me...only that they where more aggressively physical, for example tackling, tugging the hair and chasing around the school yard at recess and stuff like that.

Being 4 years old, I wouldn't take too much into holding hands and expressing emotions to their friends...children don't really know what love or like are...or the difference too much (each child is different) but the second part about "boys are suppose to like girls but I love my friend" kind of alarms me. Most little boys like other little boys because they have more to relate to...which is fine...could it be possible that your son is picking up this behavior from your husbands other child? Could the child just be confused? Children do experience sexuality by asking questions and learning more about their privates (like going to the potty and bath times (pretty normal stuff...my daughter even talks about not having boobies but that mommy has big ones) sexuality topics do start young (and seemingly, unfortunately younger and younger these days)).

I would try to talk to your son about his feelings but not to discourage him in anyway...make him ashamed or anything like that. This could be a stage and he could grow out of it. There are so many gay's and lesbians...just as there are straight people. Ultimately your child will choose their right to sexuality later in life and there really isn't much you can do about it to prevent it...it could be psychological or just in the genetic makeup. It doesn't make you love your son any less...as you know with your husbands child, just talk, be supportive and try to answer his questions appropriately (as you are). I wouldn't discourage him...he seems to know that something is different about himself in relation to other boys and girls.

You are not alone and here are some websites I found in relation to child being gay and how you can understand them...I know you went through this with your husbands children from his previous marriage but anything helps:

Resources for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered Youth

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_d...d=10119&cn=461
(Children Sexuality - Parenting from Youth 3 Years Up)

I hope that helps...I know I probably would be shunned if I said this but I really don't want my child or children to be gay, lesbian or bisexual - my husband and I would be ballistic at first (we are Catholic)...I want grandchildren and a normal family life like the one I grew up in (though now there really isn't a norm and we all have to change our perception because everyone is entitled to live their lives the way they want to (religious, cultural, sexual...etc) it's mutual respect). Example, someone might not agree with the way I live my life either right? So visa versa...the more you educate yourself; the more prepared you will be to answer and assist in child development. You can't force anyone to do anything and so be it! Your relationship with your child (no matter what they decide) is most important, their fragile and will need support. Happiness first. Continue building a loving relationship...I would read up on it to find ways and support for you to find the proper ways of dealing with these type of questions...since your straight it isn't something you understand (me either) but make an effort to; you don't want a troubled child to adult relationship.

redhed35

it would seem to me that your son seems very confident and secure..well done you...

he is expressing his affection for his friend,the only way he knows how,he learned how to express himself from what he sees at home and how he is loved...again,well done you...

i would not worry about the future yet,hes four,plenty of time to worry ahead.

and as mudweiser said,a happy healthy child who can express themselves is a sign of really good parenting.

mudweiser

I truly feel for your son, if he is gay you would turn your back to him because of your religion.

And how dare you be so selfish, you want granchildren. Did you know gay people can have children too? I bet you didn't. There are MANY options: adoption, having a woman have his baby so him and his partner could have a child.

I am a mother. I have a child. If my child was gay I would be happy that she told me because it'd prove to me that I'm not a parent to be afraid of.

You can hide behind your religion all you want. Ugh but this is your child. Chances are he's not gay because right now he's just a kid, he's growing he doesn't know what his sexuality is.

If your son was gay would you take him to those religious homosexual demon casting revivals? Would you pray over him? Would you distance yourself from him because of his lifestyle?

If so you don't deserve to be called mom.

I'm sorry if I come off very mean, but I feel so strongly about this and I'm very much done speaking my part on this thread.

This is really disgusting to me. I'm not gay, in fact I'm straight for that matter. I do however have very close friends whom are homosexuals and I remember growing up how harsh their parents treated them and it can get SUICIDAL and it really HURTS them. So this thread right here is so personal to me, it actually hurts reading this, so I'm done saying my part.

I wish nothing but happiness for your son.

Sarah

redhed35

mudweiser...the op never mentioned religion,only worry.

im a little confused by your post.

it is harsh,considering the op only has concerns.

J_9

oh my goodness.

At 4 years old boys play with boys...girls play with girls.

Go to a daycare center and see how many boys are playing in the kitchen "center" with the girls and how many girls are playing with the boys in the car "center."

I bet you find all girls in the kitchen and all boys with the cars.

I think you are reading WAY too much into this.

J_9

Sarah, take a step back...nowhere did the OP mention religion.

mudweiser

hmm let's see right about here:

"I hope that helps...I know I probably would be shunned if I said this but I really don't want my child or children to be gay, lesbian or bisexual - my husband and I would be ballistic at first (we are Catholic)...I want grandchildren and a normal family life like the one I grew up in"


Sarah

redhed35

that was mistigue ( a differant poster) NOT the op !