I have absolutely had it! I hate my son! I do! He is argumentative continually. I have never heard a human being argue to the extent he does. He is rude to not only me, his step father, other adults, a teacher at school and friends. He says all we do is yell at him and I have made a concentrated effort to not raise my voice. At this point should I have counseling? Should he/we? I am at my wits end. Any advice is appreciated.

shygrneyzs

Yes to family and to individual counseling. As in yesterday. You did not say how old he is, is he a teen? Have you thought of offering him the option of going to live with his Father?

Has this behavior been happening over a period of time, or has this been rather sudden? Can you identify any reasons for his behavior? Do you think he is involved in drugs and/or alcohol? Has his temper caused any destruction in the home, school, or other places? Has his temper caused him to be suspended from school? What activities is he involved in, in school? Sports? Music? Drama? etc.. What has changed for him?

Who does he trust? If there is someone he does trust, maybe you can get person to intervene with you and your husband. To act as a mediator.

Talk to the school and the counselor(s) there and get their input. But please get into family counseling as soon as possible. If he refuses to go, then you and your husband go. You need to learn how best to approach him while keeping your sanity. You need to learn how to take care of yourselves and keep emotionally healthy, as well as physically healthy. Stress is a huge depletor of energies. Good luck to you and your family.

Kstar4u

Parenthood is definitely the hardest job any of us could have. I think you probably summed it up with the term "teenager". My ex-father-in-law once told me that parents have their children until they turn 12 or 13 then... if they're lucky... they get them back when they're in their twenties.

I have had a similar experience with my pre-teen and teenage step sons. I don't claim to be a "Parent of the year" or intend to tell you how to raise your child but maybe you can benefit from my experience with my "EX-Step Kids".

I believe that a primary factor in their behavior was due to the influence of their biological father. I won't go into the specific details but he contributed to a very dysfunctional environment that had a profound effect on the kid's early years. He was very abusive and treated their mother in a way that was duplicated by the children as they grew older.

My heart goes out to you. I'll be glad to continue this story later. Please know that you are not alone. More and more parents are having to deal with this type of problem every day. Our complicated world... the influences that our kid's friends exert... The fact that they reach a stage in their lives that make their relationships with their peers more important than with their families... the list goes on. Please write back with age, and any other particulars... Yes... counseling may help but he/she/YOU have to continue with it past the resentment stage.

worthbeads

Take first. Negotiate later.

What you have to do is limit items and/or fun time if your child is bad. When your child does something good and polite, give positive reinforcement. And remember, you're the boss!

ecuagrl87

well my opinion as a 15 year old girl is that we teens go through all this changes and we cannot deal with them on our own....and yes you should go to counsiling and make sure that you instead of yelling or hitting....talk to him about life an the mistakes you have made???how much you gave up for him?? let him know that your his friend that understands him and wil never leave him alone....and remember that friends always stay in our hearts no matter the distance....but enemies are grudges we keep for ever....i mean when you grow old you'll be the young kid...and you are going to need him...
good luck and i hope you understand that the word hate is such a harsh word...

cherry35

I totally understand what you are going through. As I went through it and still going through it . I now do understand why some parents kick their teens out. Counselling you ask well do you think your son will make any effort in attending to go to counselling. Do you think its possible that he is using drugs? I don't think you hate your son you just hate what he is doing to you. And i'm sure you dont understand why he is so disrespectful to you and others. Teens now days don't have any respect for anyone. Which is sad. Parent wonder where did I go wrong? Also teens think they can do what they want, when they want, and how they want. It's their life and so they think they can do whatever they want and say whatever they feel like. But remember your the boss not your child and it isn't your fault. It's obvious your son as some issues and needs help. And he needs to understand you are the parent and he is the child and that you deserve respect.

I wish you luck with your child and hope things getting better. Let me know how things go.


Take care and be safe

Fr_Chuck

Both of the major suggestions have alot of merit,

First as noted, if he is not listening and talking back, have you restricted his use of computer, have you taken away his cell phone or ipod.
Is he restricted going out on the weekend.

To the extreme nature this behavior can be signs of drug use, to a minor scale, it is often how teens often rebell.

But couseling is also a good idea, but taking a pro actice coure is also called for

isabelle

It sounds to me as if maybe both of you need a "time out". It also sounds like there may be drugs involved. In my state there is a hospital that admits teens like this into a "psych unit". They offer counseling to both parents and teen.
In doing this you not only get time away from each other, but you may also find out what is going on.
It sounds to me that before things escalate anymore you need to check into something like this.
It is imperative that you can both spend time away from each other and that he ,and maybe you, desperately need to have some one to talk to. Having time out , to me, means that while you both are separated, the child need to be able to receive some help and not just spend a few days at some ones house. You can not "give up".

This also sounds like you are at the end of your rope, so to speak, and things will get much worse. Please act now and find some "help" for both of you.
I do hope this helps and you both find some common ground in which you both can communicate your expectations of each other.

ultimate_user_name

as a 14 (almost 15) year old male, i can say that i would be more pissed than ever if my mom EVER tried to drag me into counseling, and that sometimes, teenagers can just absoulutely HATE someone for no reason, just everything about them pisses you off. I wonder how it would go if, when he started getting upset and saying stuff to you, you merely looked at him, shook your head, and walked off (dissapointedly), preferably closing a door behind you, basically going with the opposite of what you usually do, therefore shocking him. :-)

sGt HarDKorE

i would love to counsilling with my mom, i dislike everything about her, and i wouldnt mind talking about it, it would make me and my mom happy. I wouldnt be surprised if you were my mom, except my mom cant even turn a comp on...