Recently, my son advised me through email he wants nothing more to do with me. The reason being he said I am now self centred and won't eat at his place, plus won't stay there. My reason being is that his house is sooo dirty and his wife too, and I have a weak stomach and cannot tolerate the dirt plus the bugs. They have 2 kids and the wife blames them for the mess. I wouldn't mind a mess but this is beyond a mess. She can't get off her and clean. She's just plain lazy. My daughter has went there and cleaned and I can't even tell you what she has found, it's that bad. She agrees with me too and cannot eat there as well. She told him in an email which caused a big blowout and he now wants nothing to do with us both. My daughter said that's fine with her. She got disgusted when they came to visit and the wife allowed the kids to totally destroy her house while she sat and did nothing. What a shame. My son thinks that this woman is the love of his life and the most awesome and smart creature on this planet. He sees nothing past her. I was a single parent and raised them practically on my own. I did the best I could. No bad boyfriends, or anything. I was the best parent on assistance there was. I went without for years for them! My daughter knows this. Since my mom died (whom he loved and I adored) I feel the wife has slowly taken him away from my family. Even now, I'm having it hard, working at 60 and trying to take what pleasure out of life I can. I know my daughter shouldn't have blown up at him but after him refusing to acknowledge my birthday and xmas, she could no longer hold her tongue. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just given them up for adoption. I have paid dearly for my mistakes and continue to do so. Life really sucks sometimes and I'm missing Mom so much. She never would have let him get away with this. She would have told him off and got away with it because he loved her a lot. Do I just go on with my life and forget about him ? My daughter says yes.

I'm going to say your daughter has the right idea here... ignore him and the thing he married... don't give them anything more... and seriously consider having your will changed to take them out... you can always change it back in the future.

You are 60... you don't need the stress... I know it won't be easy... but give them back what they give you... they are old enough to know better and should have respect for you.

Focus on the things and people that don't treat you like dirt... that will help make it a little easier...

Maybe then eventually it might sink into his thick skull. As far as his wife... once trash.. always trash.

It might sound cold.. but you have to stand up for yourself at some point... and focus your energy where its needed most and appreciated most. And right now that's NOT with your son.

Thank you smoothy for your comment. I think you are right. This wife of his is not a stupid woman, far from it, and to be so dirty is beyond me. My deceased Mom, my daughter and I are clean people. I know now that people can be brain washed by others because he is prime example of this.

Who knows... maybe this will get them to understand what they have been doing has consequences... because you was still always there... nobody can say if he will come around and when... you have to be prepared to do what's best for yourself... its obvious he and his slob spouse won't be there. With luck.. it won't be permanent... but there are some kids... no matter how much their parents gave them or did for them, act like this... and they are generally beyond help.

You know its not your fault... so you need to actually believe what you already know.

At some point in everything... there comes a point you have to walk away... Adults may have the right to make their choices... but the other adults also have the right to decide what they won't put up with.