[aljen]

My daughter has not seen nor heard about her father for about 6 years he has never looker for her nor has never helped her at all. He left when she was 1. I am married and she believes my husband is her really dad. I want sole custody of her can I do that. I also have no idea where her father could be.

[1badchoice]

Was there a court order? Were you ever married to her father? Sounds like you have custody. The father would have to contact you to get rights to the child. Doesn't sound like that's going to happen. In terms of your daughter not knowing about her bio dad... I think you should seriously consider telling her. This can be done in much the way parents of adopted children explain how one person may have made them but another is really their mom/dad. Waiting until she is in teens or later could backfire while telling her early will be smoothed over and accepted matter of factly. If it were me I would not rock the boat about her bio dad and going to court. May just be opening a can of worms. Cathy

[Clough]

Just my opinion. But, who your real family is oftentimes in these days are those who play the part. I mean, mom, dad, brother or sister, grandpa, grandma, aunt, uncle, etc. This is about the actions that people take and not about "blood" relations. Look at all of the millions of people who have been adopted who are not being raised by their blood parents. Think also of the many grandparents who raise their own children's children.

Who are the "real" parents? Those who played the part - wiped the butts and noses, went to parent's or grandparent's day at school, attended the parent-teacher conferences, wenat to the child's band or choir concerts, supplied the food and housing for the child, etc.

I am glad that your daughter views your husband as her father. He is who she has as a father. He may be the only father that she will know. It may be for the better.

If the birth father really cared about your daughter, he would be showing that. He is not.

As far as being real and in reality, your husband is this child's real father.

As far as getting sole custody, it depends on where you live and the laws where you live. I would suggest consulting your local court or social service agency about that.

[ScottGem]

What makes you think you don't have sole custody? Certainly sounds like it to me. I don't think you need for the court to formalize it.

However, if you want your husband to be able to adopt the child, then you will have to make a good faith effort to find the father and get him to relinquish his rights. If you still can't find him, then you can claim abandonment aqnd allow your husband to adopt.