[majadenise]

I am a loving Mother( not according to my daughter)no matter what do, she would not be happy.
She is 32, I have a beautiful granddaughter, every time she does not like me, she says I will not be able to see my granddaughter.
She has been living with me for 4 months now, the boyfriend is out of jail, I tell them that they need to move and she says that I hate her, and I am sellfish, I am a single mom, paying for my 19 years old son toittion(who is a good son)and I don't know what to do.
I do love my daugthter but I can't do this any more.
Sorry,English is not my first language, and my computer does not allow me to correct my spelling

[Kitkat22]

She's using your granddaughter to get what she wants from you. Don't allow it!

Tell her she has to move. She sounds like an ungrateful brat.

It's according to where you live, but some states have grandparents rights. One of the
Lawyers here will tell you more.

Good Luck

[Jake2008]

Nobody can treat you badly, or take advantage of you, unless you allow it.

Would you accept the same behaviour that you do from your daughter, from your mother, or your boss, or the teller at the bank?

So, my first question to you is, why do you allow it.

Regardless of what her reasons are, as long as you allow yourself to be in positions such as you are, she will continue to blackmail you, use you, and treat you with disrespect.

You do realize that the threat of taking your granddaughter away, is exactly that right- a threat?

I should think that you are the type of person that babysits on a moment's notice without any renumeration, and helps out with the odd bit of cash, gas for her car, food for her to eat, etc. Try thinking of what SHE will be going without if she follows through on her threat. Her loss, not yours.

You are also, by so accepting her behaviour, not allowing her to grow up and stand on her own two feet. If you continuously make yourself available to her, and does what she wants, how is she ever going to be an independent woman. It is, in my opinion, harmful to keep those apron strings available for her to hang onto, without ever having to let go, and make her own way.

Just stop doing what you are doing long enough to realize who's needs are being met here, and who's are not.

Clearly, at least in my book, you need to stop giving into her like she was 12 years old, and set some expectations for her behaviour- AND some consequences when she chooses to blackmail you.

You have nobody to blame but yourself.

[Kitkat22]

Let her find out herself how badly she needs you. Don't let her treat you this way.. Stop being her doormat.

[joanl]

I would not make her move out if she does not want to, particularly when she has a small child. I would sit down and talk to her and explained the situation WE are in together, so she could understand and see how WE could get trough it. It helps to talk to kids EXPECTING them to understand us. You will be surprised how they will. We often assume that our children will not understand us or our problems and not mention many things to them. This creates many misunderstandings and tension which really does not need to be there. You can look at this situation from the perspective of what you can do TOGETHER (mother-daughter team), not just what you can do for her, or she can do for you.
I am not talking about babying her, but about you coming together in time which might be challenging. As her mother you are the person who would be able to understand her best. It always works best when mother and daughter come together and are able to use each others strengths to support each other, instead of running separate ways and each of you being on your own struggling with life.

[joanl]

Take a look at this. It is mostly for younger children, but I know it will work for the child of your size as well. Besides it will be very useful for your granddaughter: click here to read the article

[pattie509]

Very harsh to say you are to blame... I'm having major problems with my daughter at the age of 46... all I have done is think of her struggling and have helped her out so much... when we argue its world war 3, a few days ago
She was screaming obuse at me.. long story... I lay crying in bed most of the night.. and after a real bads night sleep... realized I have given my all to her money and many other things.. put up with so much... well last night I lay thinking.. hold on listen to your friends.. time for me let her get on with it... hard as it maybe they are right... yes like you want to help so so much but time to step back that's what I'm now going to do and try have my life what's left of it... if she doesn't come around then its her lose... I love her so so much but do not deserve to been screamed at or the foul mouth language... so like me try live your life.. don't let her do this to you... its going be be hard please try as you will have this the rest of your life...
Hugs xx

[pattie509]

Well I have a daughter age 46.. two grandchildren... I have bailed her out time and time again she has had so much from me... however she does not use the children to blackmail me... she has many ways of making me feel bad...
Only the other day she was screaming at me because I doubted what she told me.. and I had cause to think that... well after years and years worrying about her
Husband. The boyfriend all cutting me and her dad out can't be a real family but I have supported her from age 16... well after she screamed and I mean screamed obuse at me... I sat listening to this and ask her to stop shouting but she wouldn't.. For the first time ever I just said I don't need this I have had enough at my age... and told her maybe when she has calmed down to ring me so we can sort this... well she hasn't and it hurts... the people that know me have all said same thing don't let her do this to you... live your life... that's easier said than done.. but laying in bed crying I thought hold on they are right.. at 46 she can stand on her own feet... let her get on with it... I love her but like you try hard to get your life back on track and yes its her lose... hard when you have grandkids but don't let her do this to you anymore... hugs