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sachin_123321 · Nov 1, 2009, 11:08 AM

Hi all,

I don't know whether I love a girl who is already having a boy friend... but I personally feel
I miss her a lot in my life and I care for her a lot...
I met this girl 1.5 years back,at that point of time we were working together in the same project... she had her boyfriend from the very start I met her... I never thought of approaching her with any sort of feeling as I knew she had a bf(her boyfriend stays in a different city).. during the initial days she used to complain about her boyfriend and used to say me that she is not happy with the relation she is having with her boyfriend... I used to take it very casually but as time passed we started spending a lot of time together.. and loved each other company... in the mean time we even had physical relation with each other... and I just started to feel that is liking me for she used to miss me and get jealous when I used to move around with other girls... I started like the attachment she showered on me... but as the time passed I felt bad whenever she used
To meet her boyfriend and talk to him on the phone near me... I felt like am in a between guy... and so I started to care for her a lot and give her more attention than I used to give her normally... and one she even told that I am her best friend she has ever got.. I thought one day I will win her heart... but in the mean time I started expecting a lot from her... and started complain for the same to her.. which I personally regret for doing it... I was finding it very difficult to handle this situation.. so I decided to get rid of her.. so around 2 months back I decided I want talk to her and started ignoring her... I didn't talk to her for ten days and than I realized that I made my life more miserable than I was in... and I felt that my life was completed complicated... and I wanted to talk to her again... and now when I tried to talk to her again she was completely pissed off with me... saying that when you want you can talk to me and when you want you can ignore me... and we had an argument once and I told her that I will tell her boyfriend the relationship that she is having with me... which completed made her to lose trust on me..
I feel very guilty for the same for I said so,but whatever I said I didn't really mean it and I said it in anger... she knows that I have a feeling for her and I care a lot for her..
After that incident.. I didn't talk to her for the next 15 days... but now I talk to her on a regular basis and I feel she likes talking to me... we talk to each other on the phone and we don't meet... one day I asked her for lunch and she refused... I don't whether she likes me or not.. or she is happy with the relationship she is having with her boyfriend... I don't know much about her boyfriend but one thing I am damn sure that he is very insecure and keep
Arguing with her and suspects a lot on her integrity...
I want her back in my life... sometimes I feel until unless she doesn't breaks up with that guy she want come back to me...
So, kindly suggest me what I need to do and thanks a lot in advance...

jaime90 · Nov 2, 2009, 11:52 AM

"...i don't know much about her bf but one thing i am damn sure that he is very insecure and keep arguing with her and suspects a lot on her integrity..."

I wonder who did that to this girl's relationship? It was probably you, and can you blame the guy for being suspicious? You ARE having a "secret" relationship with his girlfriend behind his back right? Are you trying to "get this girl back" (which you never had in the first place) by coming between her and her boyfriend?

By the way you are handling women without respect, and without regards to their current relationships- I would suggest not dating until you are ready to be committed and serious. Why would you mess around like that? This situation can potentially hurt this girl, hurt this girl's boyfriend, and hurt you- not just now, but in the long run. (Will you want to tell your future wife that you had physical relations with another man's woman while they were still in a relationship? Within marriage, this is called ADULTERY, and you're setting yourself up for some major trust issues in future relationships you may have.)

You had physical relations with her- meaning you were saying to her, "to me, it's okay to get physical with someone else's girlfriend!" She has every right to not trust you.
And by having physical relations with you, she was saying to you, "to me, it's okay to cheat on your boyfriend!" You have every right to not trust her.

I think I've said enough.

sachin_123321 · Nov 2, 2009, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

"...i don't know much about her bf but one thing i am damn sure that he is very insecure and keep arguing with her and suspects a lot on her integrity..."

I wonder who did that to this girl's relationship? It was probably you, and can you blame the guy for being suspicious? You ARE having a "secret" relationship with his gf behind his back right? Are you trying to "get this girl back" (which you never had in the first place) by coming between her and her boyfriend?

By the way you are handling women without respect, and without regards to their current relationships- I would suggest not dating until you are ready to be commited and serious. Why would you mess around like that? This situation can potentially hurt this girl, hurt this girl's boyfriend, and hurt you- not just now, but in the long run. (Will you want to tell your future wife that you had physical relations with another man's woman while they were still in a relationship? Within marriage, this is called ADULTERY, and you're setting yourself up for some major trust issues in future relationships you may have.)

you had physical relations with her- meaning you were saying to her, "to me, it's okay to get physical with someone else's girlfriend!" She has every right to not trust you.
And by having physical relations with you, she was saying to you, "to me, it's okay to cheat on your boyfriend!" You have every right to not trust her.

I think I've said enough.

Hi jaime...

Thanks for your reply...

Before I met the girl, her boyfriend used to suspect her, it was nothing related that I came to her life and than it all started... I know I was wrong initially taking into consideration that I will have intimate relationship with this girl... and it want be a problem as the girl is already
Committed... a normal guy's mentality... but as the time passed my attachment towards her started to increase... and I started to care her more than anything else and I had no intentions of using her... for I had told her very clearly that I would be very happy to marry you... anytime and anywhere I will be there for you... and she used to tell me not to tell such things... the moments she shared with me also made her feel very happy..
And I started liking her when she started missing me and started questioning my company's with other girls... I felt overwhelmed as I felt someone was there who thought about me...
The worst part is that she still likes talking to me on the phone but she is not ready to meet me... I really appreciate your view and thanks a lot for your reply...
I need one more advice --->shall I continue talking to her or shall I leave talking to her...
For at times I feel if she doesn't accepts me in her life than I am going to be on the side with all pain... and if I leave talking to her... is she going to come to talk to me in future...
At times I feel that this is the phase of my life where I can take my career to the best level...
I personally feel that I know her much more better than her boyfriend... and the best part of her is that she never tells me lie... she lies to her boyfriend but she never tells any lie to me...

Thanking you again..

jaime90 · Nov 3, 2009, 05:33 PM

If you think this is a good time to worry about your career and your own future, then you should put a stop to this, and even if you don't, you should put a stop to this. Cheating is cheating, flirting is flirting. You are both using each other. You're giving her false hope that you would marry her anytime anywhere (which, let's be honest, isn't quite true- she has a boyfriend, she is OFF-LIMITS when it comes to any relationship, let alone a marriage. After all, how would a marriage hold up when it's based on lies, cheating, and sex?) Don't keep encouraging, and enchanting her to get her to like you. By her telling you not to talk about marriage, she is telling you that she doesn't want to be committed, so leave it rest.

She lies to her boyfriend, but doesn't lie to you? I would take that into consideration... What if you becomer her boyfriend?? You can't just like a girl for who she is around you. You have to observe the way she acts around other people. If she is deceptive, and manipulative to her boyfriend, there is nothing stoppping her from doing that to you. You should look at her past (and CURRENT relationship to determine whether she has desirable character.) It doesn't seem like she's an honest person... obviously.

philly0312 · Nov 7, 2009, 04:36 PM

Dude ! You are consider an if you do this, that is their business, and You only heard and looked at from only 1 side ( the girl) ! Dun bother them, and left them alone.

sachin_123321 · Nov 11, 2009, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by jaime90

If you think this is a good time to worry about your career and your own future, then you should put a stop to this, and even if you don't, you should put a stop to this. Cheating is cheating, flirting is flirting. You are both using each other. You're giving her false hope that you would marry her anytime anywhere (which, let's be honest, isn't quite true- she has a boyfriend, she is OFF-LIMITS when it comes to any relationship, let alone a marriage. After all, how would a marriage hold up when it's based on lies, cheating, and sex?) Don't keep encouraging, and enchanting her to get her to like you. By her telling you not to talk about marriage, she is telling you that she doesn't want to be commited, so leave it rest.

She lies to her boyfriend, but doesn't lie to you? I would take that into consideration...What if you becomer her boyfriend??? You can't just like a girl for who she is around you. You have to observe the way she acts around other people. If she is deceptive, and manipulative to her boyfriend, there is nothing stoppping her from doing that to you. You should look at her past (and CURRENT relationship to determine whether she has desirable character.) It doesn't seem like she's an honest person....obviously.

Hi... I met her few dayz back... a day before she had met her boyfriend...
We were together on the same bus... so I sat next to her... and initiated to start a
Conversation... at that point of time she told me that don't talk to me as she will not be
Talking to any boyes from now on... I felt very bad for she didn't had a courtesy and even a feeling to talk to me...
As I had mentioned her boyfriend stays in a different city... before leaving i.e to meet her boyfriend..
She used to talk to me on the phone... and after returning from there she became so narrow minded... I felt hopeless to sit next to her... and felt like calling her boyfriend and tell the truth about her... which I know is completely unacceptable and in fact a very bad thing to do...
I didn't say anything to her and dropped a mail to her next day... for how cold she has been... I didn't expected anything from her at this point of time just one thing to talk to me nicely... that also she couldn't do...
I personally feel people in committed relationship should not try hands with other people
To make there partner to feel jealous... as a third person gets attached with the person..
I still remembered that why she dropped me from her life... she had told me that her boyfriend had been looking some other girl... she felt insecure about her relationship and justified her boyfriend act of looking some other girl by saying that similarly she had been talking to me and moving around with me... and than asked me to not to interfere in her personal life...
How selfish a person can be... after getting so personal with me she said me such things...
Wt about the third person's life...
As of today I don't talk to her... and have no intention to talk to her in the future..
I had a soft corner for her.. and I feel happy as I am able to spend quality and unforgettable moments with my friends... which I used to miss earlier...
I have learnt my lesson... and I will not wish her happiness for she will get for what she has done and I will get for what I have done... I hate her a lot now... for her cold and insensitive attitude...

sachin_123321 · Nov 15, 2009, 01:03 AM

Originally Posted by jaime90

If you think this is a good time to worry about your career and your own future, then you should put a stop to this, and even if you don't, you should put a stop to this. Cheating is cheating, flirting is flirting. You are both using each other. You're giving her false hope that you would marry her anytime anywhere (which, let's be honest, isn't quite true- she has a boyfriend, she is OFF-LIMITS when it comes to any relationship, let alone a marriage. After all, how would a marriage hold up when it's based on lies, cheating, and sex?) Don't keep encouraging, and enchanting her to get her to like you. By her telling you not to talk about marriage, she is telling you that she doesn't want to be commited, so leave it rest.

She lies to her boyfriend, but doesn't lie to you? I would take that into consideration...What if you becomer her boyfriend??? You can't just like a girl for who she is around you. You have to observe the way she acts around other people. If she is deceptive, and manipulative to her boyfriend, there is nothing stoppping her from doing that to you. You should look at her past (and CURRENT relationship to determine whether she has desirable character.) It doesn't seem like she's an honest person....obviously.

Now I have started realizing that I am understanding a girl much more better than I have ever done in my life... I met a friend who explained me everything about all the trauma she must have gone through this phase of life... she always considered me a true friend and I broke her trust on me... she had told me once that I am the best friend in her life... and after we had issues with each other she told me that she thought me a different guy but I was all the same... I remember all the moments that we fought it was because of I started complaining and demanding from her... and my expectations started increasing which she was unable to give... now I realize that what she gave was the best possible gift for me and the moments she shared with me was a very precious moment in my life... I wish I could have understood her before all this mess happened... I had a bad feeling for her fewz days back... but as of today I have understood that everything... that I was chasing one who was already very close to me.. so always try to stay and talk to her as much as possible... but now I feel that the more you try to achieve a person in your life than more you create a distance between yourself and the person... and start losing her... am very happy today... have a wish that I could ask her to meet me for one day.. and behave very normal and give her as much happiness I can give her... I miss her a lot... and today I have started realizing that I loved her a lot... for she shared with me every thing of her life with me.. which in itself is like saying that she also liked me...
I want her back in my life... so I have decided I want try to communicate with her... and let the time decide if she comes back or not... and even I meet her accidentally I want ignore her.. I will be very normal to her.. just ask her how are you? And than move ahead.. I will not keep my expectations high from now onwards...

2ndTime · Nov 15, 2009, 04:17 PM

Accept the fact that she went back to her boyfriend and also accept the fact that she thinks of you as a friend and nothing more. If you keep this up, you are in line to become a stalker. If you tell her boyfriend about short affair out of spite because she doesn't see you, then you will become a controlling psychopath.

sachin_123321 · Jan 12, 2010, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by sachin_123321

hi... i met her few dayz back...a day before she had met her bf...
we were together on the same bus....so i sat next to her...and initiated to start a
conversation ...at that point of time she told me that dont talk to me as she will not be
talking to any boyes from now on...i felt very bad for she didn't had a courtesy and even a feeling to talk to me....
as i had mentioned her bf stays in a different city...before leaving i.e to meet her bf..
she used to talk to me on the phone...and after returning from there she became so narrow minded....i felt hopeless to sit next to her....and felt like calling her bf and tell the truth about her....which i know is completely unacceptable and infact a very bad thing to do...
i didnt say anything to her and dropped a mail to her next day...for how cold she has been...i didn't expected anything from her at this point of time just one thing to talk to me nicely...that also she couldn't do....
i personally feel people in committed relationship should not try hands with other people
to make there partner to feel jealous...as a third person gets attached with the person..
i still remembered that y she dropped me from her life....she had told me that her bf had been looking some other girl...she felt insecure abt her relationship and justified her bf act of looking some other girl by saying that similarly she had been talking to me and moving around with me...and than asked me to not to interfere in her personal life...
how selfish a person can be...after getting so personal with me she said me such things...
wt abt the third person's life...
as of today i dont talk to her ...and have no intention to talk to her in the future..
i had a soft corner for her..and i feel happy as i am able to spend quality and unforgettable moments with my friends...which i used to miss earlier....
i have learnt my lesson......and i will not wish her happiness for she will get for what she has done and i will get for what i have done...i hate her a lot now...for her cold and insensitive attitude....

Hi Jamie,

Please go through my entire post(each and every till the end)...
As of now everything has changed she has started talking to me and we have started spending time together... and it all started unexpectedly... something I never thought bcoz the circumstances were such that we couldn't ignore each other... I am totally confused for as of now am feeling very good... don't know what is going between her and her boyfriend... I guess its not good bcoz she talks to me late night... normally she didn't used to talk as she used to get a call from her boyfriend... I know that she will never tell me on the face if she has any issues with her boyfriend... and its all happening again and I don't want to have the same feeling that I used to have earlier... I can't even say that I don't want to lose her bcoz she was never mine... need a suggestion from you... what should I do to win her heart... sometimes I think of manipulating things which I know is unacceptable.. so I never did the same... and I am very confident of one thing that her boyfriend is very manipulative... I am in a dilemma that whether I should hold on or manipulate... for I don't want to regret later that I had an oppurtunity and I didn't work on it... I am confused please suggest me on the same...