[Beth3276]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 7 years. I came from a past of an ex husband that cheated on me over and over. So, for a while, when I thought my boyfriend was getting close to co-workers, I didn't understand and I would get jealous. Since, I have gone to wellness therapy to help me. At this time, there is a co-worker that just got dumped by her live in boyfriend of 8 yrs. She is supposed to be friends with BOTH of us. The 3 of us work in an office together with about 7 other people. It started that she told me not to get upset, that she just needed a man's advice when she talked to my boyfriend. She still cries at the office, when she talks about her boyfriend. Just the other day, she came to my desk crying. This is the concern: the other night, my boyfriend called me on his way home at 10:15pm, and I asked him where he had been and he said he had gone to "her" house, because she was sad and he drank a couple of beers with her, and they talked about childhood things, her boyfriend, etc. He said to me, It was all innocent, we just talked. I didn't know until I called him and he answered the phone in his car that he even went over there. He was supposed to have an appt at 7 to conduct business, he went to her apt. after from 8pm to 10pm. She sends him emails, and wants to go to dinner with him, just the 2 of them, he tells her (he says to boost her confidence) that she is beautiful and fun to be with, and in the same paragraph, suggests that she go and talk to a counselor so that she can feel better about herself. He never ends his emails with sweet endeavors only with the first and last letters of his name. My boyfriend and I have a very healthy sex life, so I am completely confused. She wanted to joing a gym closeby, so she had been after him to join with her to "teach her how to run" because he has been running by our home every night alone. He told her that he had to talk to her in private when she got a chance about that, because he has told me in the past that him and I should join the gym as well. This morning, I checked into joining the gym with him and I found out that she had already joined. That is why he was after me to find out about it yesterday. He has picked her up when her car broke down after he got off work, and the two of them had dinner and drinks together. There are other friends in our office that are girls, that I would have no problem with that. But for some reason, with her, because she is 32, and beautiful, and he is 50, I have a problem with that. He said that he doesn't want to live by a set of rules, that he has not chased a woman in 30 yrs except for me. Our cell phone list shows that when they talk, they don't talk past 7 minutes. That is not long enough to talk about anything. I am confused. Do you (GUYS) think that I am being unreasonable? Or do you think I should just trust him? We are both the same age, and do things together. One of the reasons he doesn't tell me a lot is because of the reaction he will get. He has gotten jealous before, but I don't tell him that he needs help. I have mistrusted him in the past and have tried to control him, but now I just want a good relationship. He says that there is nothing wrong in doing things with members of the opposite sex if they are JUST FRIENDS. I feel bad because he does not invite me. It has only happened twice. He got mad this morning at me and told me he was including me, because he is paying for the two of us! He says that there is no reason that if he wanted to, that he cannot go to the gym with her, if I cannot come. What do you think? I am hurting!

>Moved from Introductions<

[Justwantfair]

I understand the situation, but I believe there is a line when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex. I do believe that it is innocent, but I understand that I don't agree that it's appropriate. Now it's a matter of showing him and having him understand that the situation is over stepping a boundary.

I would suggest you sit down and discuss this with as little emotion as you can. Tell him that you do trust him, you understand that she needs companionship, but it isn't appropriate for that companionship to be him. I would also discuss the situation with your friend as well.

The fact is that you are uncomfortable with the friendship as it stands, that if he cares about you, that should be an important issue for him as well.

[talaniman]

I agree with Justy, you need to have a calm conversation with them both. Her first. She may well be crossing a line, and may be a good idea to let her know. I think your b/f is just a good guy though, and maybe that's why he can't say NO, to her.