[einwor3]

My son just turned 7 a couple weeks ago. About 6 or 8 months ago, his little female friend from the neighborhood was over playing. She is the same age as he. They always told everyone they were in love and going to get married. Sweet and innocent enough, right? Well, she came downstairs and said that my son had asked her to lay down with him and take her clothes off. She knew it was wrong and came to me, thank goodness. I called him downstairs to speak with him privately and he was very embarrassed, cried his eyes out. My husband said that his brother was caught under the bed, naked, with a little girl when he was 5. I've heard of this type of thing before and tried to not overreact, but definitely let my son know that it was very inappropriate. A few weeks later, he burst into tears one night, out of the blue and told us that he'd done something bad. He said that he and his male friend (at the time, they were both 6) rubbed their bodies together and kissed. He said that he instigated it because he wanted to see what it would be like. He was beside himself explaining this to us. We talked to him very calmly, held him and told him that it was extremely inappropriate and could not happen again. That if he had questions about private parts/sex that he should speak with us. Now, just yesterday, he came to me again saying "i have to talk to you." he said that before either of the aforementioned incidences occurred, another male playmate was over and my son asked him if he wanted to lay under a blanket and rub on each other. The child said "yes" and they did. I could tell that this had been eating away at him and he needed to get it off his chest. I had many questions for him asking if there were others and how many times it had happened with each child. He said only once with one child, not at all with the female (because she came to me) and "a lot" with the other male child. He couldn't tell me exactly what "a lot" meant. From what I can gather, it's been 4 or 5 months since the last incident. Needless to say, his father and I are devastated and assuming this has gone past sexual curiosity. He is such an amazing child in other areas. Almost a straight A student, very nurturing and loving to everyone, makes notes for me if I have a headache to feel better, etc. we are a very close-knit family (dad and I have been married for 21 years). He has been "that child" to stop and watch somethind adult that is on the TV instead of walking on through without a care like our 2 older children have done. Once he confessed to us initially, we've made sure that he doesn't see anything inappropriate. I'm a huge stickler about that and his dad has done much better. He said that his parents had whatever on t.v. and he was interested, but it never made him act out in this manner. We have made an appt. to see his gen. dr. on Monday (3 days away) and are asking for a referral to see a child therapist. We want to guide him in the right direction because other than this, he is that child that is just so loving and happy. PLEASE ADVICE ANYONE!

[ScottGem]

First, since I wasn't there to hear exactly what you said, I can't be sure of this, but I tend to think you handled this incorrectly. From your diescription of your son's reactions it sounds to me like you stressed that what he did was wrong and maybe bad, not just inappropriate.

That what he described to you (based on what you told us) was totally natural. Children at that age range are very curious about their bodies. What's worse is that there is so much information available to young children their curiousities and need to experiment is heightened.

I'll point to the example set by his female friend. She had apparently been taught well by her parents about inappropriate touching. And she showed a good deal of maturity and affection for your son in reporting it to you rather than anyone else.

But that's water under the bridge. I think you are doing the right thing by having your son see a therapist. I'm pretty sure the therapist will recommend both individual and group sessions. They should have no problems repairing the guilt you seemed to have laid on hiim, while teaching him that experimentation is a natural feeling, but that sertain experimentation at certain ages is not really appropriate.

I'm going to add a disclaimer here. The only thing I have to go on here is what you told us. So everything I have said is based on that. You may have left out things or miusreported things that might change my opinion. But based on the one post, I thbink my analysis is sound.

[einwor3]

Perhaps I didn't explain myself well. We, his parents, explained to him that curiosity is okay. We explained to him that wanting to "know what it would be like" is natural. BUT, that this type of behavoir is not for children. That it is inappropriate to touch ANYBODY in their private parts or for him to be touched in his private parts. We explained that they are called "private parts" because those parts of your body is meant for you and you only until you are more mature and much, much older.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sounds somewhat like normal kids, is there a reason to believe there is a problem.

[einwor3]

Well, I presumed since it's happened multiple times and once more AFTER we explained to him that it wasn't appropriate. We now feel that we shouldn't let him spend the night or have sleepovers with friends while he's exhibiting this behavoir. It's summertime and we are close friends with 2 of the families. We definitely feel that should they know, they won't want our son to play with their children anymore.

[Fr_Chuck]

Perhaps, they did not get the answers they were looking for most likely, or are just wondering about it.

But I tell my son that he can not play those stupid games outside of walmart, but guess what he asked each week.

[einwor3]

I don't know what your comment means. If you are making light of the situation, I don't think it's funny. Please respond only if you have advice or could enlighten us on how to better handle this delicate situation.

[ScottGem]

well, i presumed since it's happened multiple times and once more AFTER we explained to him that it wasn't appropriate. we now feel that we shouldn't let him spend the night or have sleepovers with friends while he's exhibiting this behavoir. it's summertime and we are close friends with 2 of the families. we definitely feel that should they know, they won't want our son to play with their children anymore.

First, I thank you for taking my response in the spirit it was intended, to help you. I am very glad to hear that you did explain that curiousity is natural but not always appropriate. I didn't get that any incident occurred after the first talk. But I still think he hasn't overstepped the bounds of natural curiousity yet.

Again, having him talk to a therapist that can explain his feeling to him and help him deal with them is the right next step.

[N0help4u]

Not allowing him to sleep overs is very appropriate and that alone may make him realize that his behavior is unacceptable.
Also mention to him that he could lose friends because they could be offended by his wanting to do these inappropriate things or they could tell their parents and their parents might not allow them to play with him any more.
If he sees there can be consequences maybe it will help him to stop. I hear stories of little 5 yr old boys being suspended from school for giving a girl an innocent peck on the cheek.

[Rachelrang]

It may be early hormone release it's very commen in today's society you see 5 year old girls buying bras and stuff like that at an earlier and earlier age. Happens to boys as well I say go to a doctor that specializes in this sort of thing. And I really don't like how it seemd to me that you where telling him a boy and a boy together is wrong. If he is gay(I'm not saying he is) one day he may not tell you for fear of losing your love I'm a lesbian and I know when my father told me kissing girls was wrong I became terrified of who I was and made myself misrible for years so that my dad would not know and would be happy. You have to be careful what you say to children they understand more than you think