[snugem]

My 16 year old son does not listen. He does not come home on time, leaves when you tell him not to. He has stolen money from me. I had to put locks on my door to keep him out but he finds a way to break in, and he lies constantly. On top of all those things he a pig. He will not clean up after himself. He had dishes with fur growing on them under his bed. I've constantly talked to him, explained to him that he's going down the wrong path. I grounded him even warned to put him in a home for troubled boys. My main problem is I can't deal with it any longer, I really want to send him away to learn some respect and discipline. Am I doing the right thing?

[tiggerella]

Although it can tear your heart out, sometimes tough love is the only way to go. My son, at 14, decided that a 16 year old girl he liked at school knew more than his parents. He snuck out at night to go drinking and smoking with her. He did all the things you've mentioned your son doing, and we finally had to get to the point of telling him to straighten up or get out.

After living with some friends for a couple of months in which he was locked out of the communal home several times, had the food he had worked hard to get the money to buy eaten by his so-called friends (which left him hungry, as they didn't even leave anything for him to eat), and finally found himself laying in a ditch in the middle of nowhere in a pile of his own vomit after a night of drinking in which his friends dumped him and left him there when he got sick, he finally came to the conclusion that his friends didn't care for him at all.

Now, at 23, he's in college working his way toward a degree that will allow him to help children with autism. He's chem free and very proud of himself. He tells us that, had we continued to fight him instead of allowing him to see what life was like for himself, he wouldn't have been where he is now - and our relationship with him is wonderful.

Put your son in the home for troubled boys, where there are professionals who are fully trained to help him find the good person inside of him. Had there been such a place in our town at the time we were having trouble with our son, we would have taken advantage of it! The life you save may be your son's - or your own!

[caramelbunny]

ABSOLUTELY! If he cannot abide by your rules in your house and respect your authority he could end up facing horrible consequences if not straightend out(ie. Jail, drug or alcohol abuse, or even worse death). If he cannot listen to you now, how do you think he will treat his wife or even keep a job? This needs to be addressed asap so you can keep your son out of harms way.

[AKaeTrue]

Tough love can also backfire, big time.
It depends on the individual and how their issues developed
As to whether tough love should be carried out or even considered.