[turbogtir]

Ok, so where do I begin. I'm male 22 and my partner is about to turn 18 . We have been together for four years and they have been great. However it has been a long distance relationship and we have had our ups and downs. Recently last week when everything was going fine she suddenly dropped a bombshell on me on msn said she didn't want a relationship but still wants to meet up and call me etc. I mean what the hell? You don't want a relationship but you still want to meet up? I just don't understand it, anyway half and hour pryer to her saying this we were on the phone and everything sounded NORMAL, like no quarrels whatsoever. During the 4 years we have talked about everything we talked to each other everyday phone/msn/txt and also contemplated marriage down the track, she said she loved me and called me her soul mate and obviously I feel the same way, she actually called me her soulmate about a week before dropping the "i dont want relationship" bull.
So as you can tell this took me by surprise and left me really confused, and left me wondering why would she say this.

She is going through some stressful times atm, she's got another guys chasing her, she's doing her hsc, turning 18 soon etc as you can tell it probably will be very chaotic and stressful for her and often confusing. Could her feelings for me slowly dissipating and she's found someone else? I asked her this and she said no, she said she just wasn't ready and didn't want anything serious with anyone, but I'm not sure weather I believe her or not. We have gone through something similar like this before but no so severe, more of a "get sick of each other" type thing and we don't talk for a couple of days days before realizing we can't live without each other, but now I'm not so sure, this seems really different and serious. Mind you after her saying this she still has been calling me and I've only spoken to her twice, the rest of the times I have been ignoring her phone calls and given her abit of space so she can think about it and hopefully make her miss the way it was before. Basically I want her to be happy I love her unconditionally and if that means letting her go I will, but as you can tell this is the last thing I want, I don't want to loose her.
But as of since I can't sleep I HAVEN'T SLEPT... I can't get her out of my head I have to many thoughts and reasons going through my mind over thie possible scenario's... even though I've been going out since the bad news and trying to occupy myself I don't even care to do things I used to do... if I'm with friends I sit there like a zombie with no emotion not speaking, totally NUMB, when ever my friends are talking to me it just goes in one ear out there other, she's always in the back of my mind. All I want to do is stay at home and its driving me crazy.

I'm asking you experts what's your take on this? Do you think I'm just thinking too much into it and taking it to seriously what she said? What should I do? I've got 2 options, back of and do the "come crawling back game" or let her know I'm there for her but not in a obsessive type way. I really don't know anymore.

:mad: :confused:

[turbogtir]

Yea na I won't man, il just wait it out and see what happens, I just got the same advice from my chick friend who just broke up with her boyfreind after 3 years, she told me that she still loves him and wants to get back with him and marry him have kids eventually later on in life maybe couple years down the track, the reason she broke up now is because she wants to have fun and enjoy her young life before settling down, she said she knows his the one and you have to come to a mutural agreement and talk about it, and she said that's probably what our g/f's want to do to, but I duno man she could be wrong, every chick is different.
What's the go with yours what happened? Fill us in dude

[talaniman]

Your ex has been with you for her entire teen life basically, and now she is curious as a new adult, and wants to see the world, and isn't ready to settle down. Understandable, and happens all the time. Disappear from her life, and let her do her thing, and you do yours. Life takes care of the rest.

[turbogtir]

Update, we spoke lasnite and she kept asking me questions, where have I been, what have I been doing, asking me why I haven't been talking to her like we used to(mind you its only been a week) asking me 'dont tell me you don't notice anything different' and obviously getting upset and "maybe" missing me, what do you guys think? Still keep my distance? I acted the same like I would any other day and didn't show any emotion, I told her that I was busy and was doing things and we will talk later. She got upset

[talaniman]

She doesn't miss you, but she is wondering why your not breaking your neck to get her back. Wouldn't it be great to have the benefit of a boyfriend, without the title, and be free to do as she pleases, when she pleases, with whom she please. And you will always be there like before, when she is lonely, and needs entertainment. She will never miss you, if your still there.

[BlakeCory]

update, we spoke lasnite and she kept asking me questions, where have i been, what have i been doing, asking me why i havent been talking to her like we used to(mind you its only been a week) asking me 'dont tell me you dont notice anythin different' and obviously getting upset and "maybe" missing me, what do u guys think? still keep my distance? i acted the same like i would any other day and didnt show any emotion, i told her that i was busy and was doing things and we will talk later. She got upset

You're doing the right thing by staying away. She doesn't want a relationship, don't give her one. If she changes her mind then you can decide if it is worth it.

Until then don't let her take advantage of you.

[tabbarat]

Watch out for the friend zone! Don't let her think you will always be there for her!

Back off give her spce to do her thing.. u do yours... but if you still love her, once in a while call and flirt... that way you give her space but let her know you still care... play the game.. mix it up...

[Romefalls19]

Eh, not going to give the new guy a reddie, but I highly disagree. Why does he need to prove he cares? He wasn't the one who broke up or said he didn't want a relationship. Also, love is not a game, why try to play in a "game" where all you're doing is playing for the silver medal for second best. She will go out and have her fun and if nothings better then she will return. Why should she be a priority while he is an option

[tabbarat]

Like I said, he does his thing, she does hers... with time and space, she will come back if she wants (like you said)... but I'm saying IF he wants her back, he has to keep a small window open for if she decides she made a mistake... if he ignores her, what's to tell her that he wants her back... love is partly a game... or else no one would be giving their girl space, when our natural instincts tell us to fight for them

[BrewCrew0981]

Talan is right. You've been with her since she was 14. Eventually, whether it be now, or 5 years from now, she is going to want to break it off and live the independent life and see other people. It's a harsh reality, and I know it sucks because my g/f just did the same thing to me after 7 years, but you can deal with it now or later. It's an inevitability.

[layyourbebopbop]

I agree with some other answers, I would think she is wanting to be independent, she feels like there are so many other guys out there she wants to explore a little. She might come crawling back to you when she realizes you really are her soulmate. But 18 is an adult age. I can understand her p.o.v. that she wants to marry you but hasn't been with anyone else. I think she is wrong to have broken up with you the way she did (especially MSN) and I am terribly sorry she did that to you and that you are going through this, but I would say: Be honest. Tell her you love her and want to be with her, and that if she doesn't want to be with you, you do not want to see her. She will see your p.o.v. You don't have to go into details about how you miss her. Straight, simple, to the point.

Then to get over her, if she continues to not want to be with you, maybe go on a traveling vacation.

In all honesty I did that to my 'soulmate' boyfriend when I was 15 and I got really depressed when I realized what I had done two years later. I had been with him since I was 13 and we were totally in love. One summer day, out of the blue I decided I wanted to break up with him, even though I really loved him, because he was more ready for the serious relationship than I was. I thought he would be there when I was 'ready. One year after I broke up with him, he sent me an email saying he still loved me, but I told him I didn't want to be with him 'right now' but maybe 'in the future.' He moved across the country a few months later, and though I tried to get back together with him for some years after that, he has decided he wants us to live our separate lives. Now we just tell each other happy birthday once a year pretty much. He's 25.

He will probably marry no one, but I don't recommend you do that. Find someone else you love, and your life will be much better. That is what I did.

[Applejacks83irv]

Be the pimp that you are! And give it to her! And be cool about!. cause?? Put it this way? Your still young and you'll see how easy it is to find a better girl! You know how you were with her in the beinging? All sweet and nice but a bit of a show off/ bad boy? Well put some of that game to these new female... yah sure she going to piss you off get you mad bah bah bah!! And she knows you hurting and that give her a power of *(I got you balls in the jar) as the song gose F@*K the pain away! That's what she doing! And if you ask her have you been talking to some one behind my back.. thats BS! How else would she make her mind about you?

[turbogtir]

Update!
Thanks guys for your answers really do appreciate it, makes things a lot more helpful and I am able to look at the situation a lot more clearer.

Ok the update, I just found out she's being seeing someone else since all this went down (in the space of ONEWEEK! ) but she's telling everyone that he's just a friend, and the weird thing is she never knew this guy before they met lastweek.. so obviously this hasn't been a build up? So what's going on?
Anyway since she first met this other guy lastweek she has still been trying to contact me, everyday calling me, is this because of guilt? I SERIOUSLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUK THIS WOMAN IS DOING, is she messing with my head? SHE DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW ABOUT THE OTHER GUY, is she trying to get the best of both worlds? Or is she just using this other guy? After the break up in the space of ONE WEEK we spoke only a few times because I went NC, during those times we spoke including lastnite she said she was missing me and still wants to meet up and she seemed really confused on the phone, unable to string her words togather and kept mumbling and not finishing her sentences, as you can tell I was keeping it cool, "playing the game" but I'm still not sure sure what I should do? SHOULD I STILL REMAIN NC? It seems to be working but I really don't know what her motives are. It has broken my heart, literally. Remember it has only been one week since this all went down. Things are really intense and I can't believe this is going down after 4 years!!

P.S Also when she spoke she kept asking questions like "why arent you talking to me like you used to"
"why are you being so quiet" also interigating me "where have u been what have u been doing" etc I just played it cool and said I was busy and I don't know what she's talking about. I mean if she's lying to me about this other guy and wanted no more realationship why the is she acting like this! Im going to remain NC and see what happens.

Also with no contact, what do I do about myspace?? She's still on my top friends and I'm still in hers! Should I do the cold shoulder there 2?

[talaniman]

EVERYONE here will tell you to stay off myspace. (HERSPACE??!!) As long as you keep any type of contact, you will be confused. I think after all the time you two have spent, she is hurting also, how could she not be, but she will have to heal on her own, just as you must. What makes you think its easier for her than it is for you??

SHOULD I STILL REMAIN NC? It seems to be working but I really don't know what her motives are

You aren't in NC, so what's working??

[Romefalls19]

Yep. I will definitely tell you to stay off myspace. It is simply the DEVIL! You will never fully recover with you being friends with her on that site. I got money saying, if you see her status as depressed or confused you get upbeat and then if you see happy, then you get sad and depressed... I've been their man, believe me

[Applejacks83irv]

Be like ( in a deep sexy voice) dam! Baby! You broke my heat and you starting to leave a bad teast in my mouth! So there really nothing to talk about! Oh yeah!. nah but for realz she? Or it looks like she's trying to pimp you 2 guys out?. forget about that trick and as for the my space stuff?? That's why they call it a friends list! Da! Put her azz at the bottom! And I know you look at her all the time and that not really going to help you? But if you reall want to get back her drop her like it hot off you're my space it will eat at her so bad then she might just go crazy

[turbogtir]

I removed her from my myspace, blocked her msn, won't answer her calls anymore, we will see what happens when she realizes what she has lost and when she starts to realise that this new guy she is with is only using her and will break her heart, then when she comes crawling back to me she will realise she made a huge mistake.
I won't take her back, no way man not after she lied to me and was 2 faced, using me, how the am I suppose to trust her again? Id rather her be honest and tell me straight up what was going on, id respect her more of a person if she did that, because then I would have at least known what was going on and had given me the chance to move on rather then wait around not knowing happened. We will both learn from this.
Il never trust a female again.

[tabbarat]

What if she doesn't realize that the new guy is only using her and going to break her heart? What if they genuinely like each other? U willing to risk that?

Like I said before... if you want her back, FULL ignoring is not the solution.. u have to mix it up... distance and show your OK, but once in a while flirt...

[liz28]

Leave this girl in the past. She was only holding on to you to have you as a life boat in case things don't well with any guy she got involved with. I would give her credit for breaking it off with you before sh cheated on you. Don't think all females are the same. People must earn your trust but keep in mind their aren't any guarantees a relationship will last forever. A relationship is hard work but the two people involve have to want to put in the work. She went for something because she thinks its better but sooner or later she will realize what she gave up. But don't wait on her. You will get over her in time. At least you know you did nothing wrong.

[tabbarat]

I'm saying IF he wants her back... he has to decide... I realized I miss my girl and can still make her happy and still like her... the question is why would I give up so easily?

2 types of people... those who give up and hope things work themselves out, and those who have a plan and work for things

That's just my opinion.. but good advice from everyone in here as well