[Beatenupdad]

My 25 y.o. daughter is abusive to the point where my wife has threatened to leave or committ suicide.I have told my daughter to leave on numerous occasions but she refuses. She quit her job, is an alcoholic and bulemic. She has refused therapy. Her fiancée broke off her engagement 2 weeks ago - smart guy.She used to threaten that she would behave as she wanted because she was leaving home. Anyway now she is not going anywhere soon. I have offered to rent her an apartment which she refuses also. What can I do to save my marriage?

[Fr_Chuck]

If your life is in danger and it is hurting your marriage, who cares what is exactly legal, throw her out, lock the door, change the keys.

What can she do?? Sue you for illegal eviction so at best win a month or two pay according to the value of the rental agreement she is paying you.

Sometimes one has to put safety over what is exactly right to do

[Beatenupdad]

If your life is in danger and it is hurting your marriage, who cares what is exactly legal, throw her out, lock the door, change the keys.

What can she do??? sue you for illegal eviction so at best win a month or two pay according to the value of the rental agreement she is paying you.

Sometimes one has to put safety over what is exactly right to do

:( :(
Its easy to say "throw her out!" but to actually physically do it is another story. She may harm herself or I will be charged with assault. She does not pay rent.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I would ask her to leave, and give her a deadline (you don't have to give her notice since she is not paying rent, but to be as "fair" as possible I would).

Once the deadline passes, she is a trespasser and you can have the police arrest her and remove her from your home.

I know it's tough to kick out your child - but she is an adult now and it not giving you much choice. Hopefully she will mature and see what she was doing to your home, and understand how you were forced to take this action.

[templelane]

You are doing more harm than good for her as well by letting her stay. You are sheltering her from the full consequences of not getting help. It's called enabling.

I have a friend who did not realise the extent of her antisocial behaviour (also a depressive alcoholic) until we threw her out. It actually helped her.

I know it will be harder with a daughter than a friend, but you will actually be doing her a favour in the long run. Yes she might hurt herself, or get into trouble but it will only accelerate what will happen if she doesn't get help anyway. At least this way she might get the shock she needs to realise she cannot continue down the path she is taking.

Alcoholism is a disease but you cannot be expected to continually support someone who doesn't want help. Be there for her when she decides she wants to change.

Good luck, I hope this is enough to convince you that not only is changing the locks etc the right thing to do for yourself but also for her. Look after yourself and your wife.

[JoeCanada76]

I would also recommend counseling for you and your wife. It sounds like your wife may have some problems herself.

It sounds that the whole family could use it. I agree with others that it is time for the daughter to leave, at the same time your daughter might need medical and phychiatric help as well. If she is going to leave and you should have police assistance?? If you think it is going to be a major problem or see what they can do for you??

Joe

[dreemr57]

My 25 y.o. daughter is abusive to the point where my wife has threatened to leave or committ suicide.I have told my daughter to leave on numerous occasions but she refuses. She quit her job, is an alcoholic and bulemic. She has refused therapy. Her fiancee broke off her engagement 2 weeks ago - smart guy.She used to threaten that she would behave as she wanted because she was leaving home. Anyway now she is not going anywhere soon. I have offered to rent her an apartment which she refuses also. What can I do to save my marriage?

I went to my county family courthouse and got a restraining order.. for abuse.. physical , emotional, threats, stalking, or if you feel like your in danger its abuse.. I was granted a 15 day order for the person to be removed.. in my case my son.. he also had a girlfriend living in his room, that would not leave my home.. for her I gave her a 60 day notice to vacate because she's been in my home for over 1 year.. but.. since my son was removed immediately, she didn't want to stay in the home without him and stayed away for near 4-5 days.. I didn't know if she was going to stay or what.. so.. when she showed up.. I called the police.. because she walked in like if she still lived at my home... I asked if that was legal.. the police dept said she was basically tresspassing since she abandoned her room, and just left without giving me any notice.. now I don't know how legal that was? But I'm not the one who removed her. . the police dept did.. they told her and I mean they were really scolding her telling her shame on you for taking advantage of a person trying to help you out. . they told her if she came back she would be arrested for tresspassing. Because she abandoned the property, I think in some states there's a time limit.. of when you can actually call it abandonment - hopefully she won't try to fight this in court and got the scare of her life.. now I'm just going to have to show up for my sons hearing.. last I heard is they both moved in with her parents.. oh gosh, another night mare for another parent.. good luck

[LearningAsIGo]

My grandfather was in the same situation with an alcoholic son who was abusive to his parents. Being a large 40 yr old man, no one could physically throw him out. When it got to be too much, the police were called to escort him out.

Its hard, but it sounds like this has to be done for everyone's well-being. Give your daughter x amount of days, and stick to your word. In the mean time, look into treatment facilities (drunk and bulemic... she'll kill herself). A treatment facility could tell you specifically what to do... you may be able to check her in rather than put her on the streets.

[Fossil02]

My aunt is attempting to cope with an abusive daughter. The daughter was originally living in my Aunt's home with her husband. The husband was never able to hold a steady job. In addition he abused drugs (marijuana) and had two affairs. The last affair brought forth a child. Although he exited the home long before the second affair, my cousin wants to bring him back into my aunt's home, despite the protest and legitimate safety concern for the child(grandchild) in the home. Ironically, during the time the husband left the home, my cousin was involved with a violent man who abused her and threatened the safety of the child in the home, my aunt and ailing uncle. My aunt is afraid to throw her out because she believes the grandchild would be in danger if left alone with her daughter. How should she proceed?