[Constance Priestess]

Background:

Had been friends with a few people who I used to work and run together, including these two - one guy and one girl. Four years ago, she started having marital problems with her hubby, who used to join us in our mountain climbing expeditions, water rafting, runs, etc. This guy friend broke up with his then girlfriend. Guy and girl got together and provided "moral support' to each other.

Over the years, our group has moved on as we changed jobs but still make an effort to meet for each other's birthdays. However, my girlfriend's hubby was never seen in our circle anymore.

Today:

Guy and girl are constantly acting out as if they're the couple in our birthday get-togethers. Nobody said anything, I began feeling more and more uncomfortable over the years. I've accidentally seen them touching each other (when they thought nobody was watching/around) and at other times, they were never shy on allowing their physical contact moving beyond "friends" in front of me. Example, I would punch his ear if he was ever to rub his hands on my thigh. He did it to her, and she was enjoying it. I was shifting weird at my dinner seat. This took place in public in front of me.

I kind of withdrew myself from them. They pressed me for an explanation. I told them I just needed some time to think things through. The affection didn't stop, and I was caught mouth agape when my boyfriend (who's new to the group) asked me on whether this guy and girl are actually a couple?

Question:

What is very obvious is that these two don't make any effort to conceal their spending time together to the point that it's too close for comfort. I am trying to love these two friends but I can't help losing my respect for them. My girlfriend recently made an obvious effort to "convince" me that no matter "what" happens, her hubby is whom she would "stay" with. The guy and I had almost virtually stop talking.

We are getting together soon as a big group and I just don't know how long I can turn the other way so that I don't feel like vomitting when I see these two characters. I am disappointed and perhaps I am just naïve into believing that once someone takes a vow, they honour it no matter how hard the road to marital bliss is? That someone, if he cares for his friend, he won't knowingly step into her marriage?

Appreciate your thoughts on moving on. I like the other buddies in our group but it seems weird that they are all nonchalant about the whole thing taking place in front of us.

[talaniman]

As you are not the arbiter of another's morality, then you ignore them, and put your attentions on things and people you like. What those two do is their business, and their problem, not yours. Not to be harsh, but just have a good time, without being judgemental.

[Emland]

Your other friends in the group may not be nonchalant as much as they are obilivious or maybe just ambivialent. Many people don't pay any attention to anyone else besides themselves or just don't know what to do about it, so act like nothing is wrong.

You can't stop them. Your girlfriend is aware of your disapproval, but it doesn't appear to be a deterrent. Seems like all you can do at this point is be polite in group settings and distance yourself from them and seek out new friends that don't make you uncomfortable.

[Tootruetooblue]

Call me old fashioned but I don't think we have to ignore when our friends do things that we find to be inconsiderate, immoral, hurtful, illegal or whatever. I think that people's behavior is really what we base our friendship on because it is how we come to know who they are.

I don't think you should get involved, but you are perfectly appropriate to stop hanging out with adulterous people if their overtly inappropriate behavior in your presence makes you uncomfortable. They are being idiots in my view. As much as it's popular to "live and let live", this woman's husband is being treated like crap, and it's appropriate for you to have empathy and discomfort about that.