[sypher373]

No, dont tell her. Your looking for excuses to contact her. Why does she need to know? She doesnt.

Like it or not she isnt part of your life at the moment. She doesnt exist!

Yeah, Ive decided that's best. Im sure she will find out some way or another, but I don't need to tell her. Maybe she will know during the summer, if we ever talk on good terms.

I really feel like I'm starting to get better. The sadness of not being with her anymore, and her replacing me is starting to be replaced by feelings of anger and betrayal. Ive come to realize that she was wronged me, and I have so much more to offer her than this other kid.

If nothing is going on between them, then I am getting upset for no reason, but if something is, I am getting myself over the fact that she has moved on. I realize now that this is her mistake, and she is going to learn the hard way. Its not my problem anymore to try and prevent her from making mistakes.

I think deep down, she feels that if she regrets this during the summer, we can work at it and be together again - and she is in for a rude awakening. I am starting to see through the emotional cloudiness, and I know I'm worth much more than someone who will leave me for such a stupid reason.

Ill keep you guys posted... thanks again for all the advice, it really helps to read and know that people understand and have noticed I am headed in the right direction :)

[Geoffersonairplane]

I really feel like I'm starting to get better. The sadness of not being with her anymore, and her replacing me is starting to be replaced by feelings of anger and betrayal. Ive come to realize that she was wronged me, and I have so much more to offer her than this other kid.

Hi Sypher,

I've PM'd you some of my thoughts and I really think you are coming along nicely. Like I say, I see a lot of what you are going through as a reflection of what happened to me. Be prepared for many ups and downs, you may feel as though you are getting better, which is good but there will be hard times too. You have a great attitude and from what I know so far, she may have her regrets.

But forget what she will or will not regret and focus on you!! Stay out of contact and get busy living!

You'll be fine!! :)

Well I just got back from my appointment...

To be honest, I don't feel like I got very much accomplished. I explained the stiuation to him, and he commented, more than once, that he was hearing a lot of SHE and not much ME. I know that I am thinking/talking about her a lot, and I guess that is an issue.

Actually, this counselor made a very good point. It should all be about YOU and not HER!

Focusing on her will get you nowhere. SHE is not part of the big picture anymore and the SHE part of it is in HER world now and for HER to deal with not YOU!

I think you are progressing faster than you think Sypher.

I took this quote below from another thread I answered Sypher because I think it would be useful for you too..

Take a look!

You should not need another person to make you happy. Find yourself again and soon enough you will enjoy being single. Its just a matter of riding the emotional rollercoaster, keeping busy, working on yourself. Find new hobbies, work hard!

Improve your image, perhaps change it and you find that your confidence grows again!!

Loneliness does not last forever after a breakup. Once you relight your fire again and get busy living, you realise that you are less alone than you think!

[sypher373]

Thanks for the eocourgagement Geoff, it really helps...

I wanted to post a bit of an update..

Today has started pretty bad. Its been a rough morning so far, I tried to sleep as late as possible so I wouldn't have to be awake to deal with this crap. It started with me being upset about her being with someone else... again. I know I have no proof, and actually have more proof to the contrary, but its still hurting me. As I laid in bed, thinking about it, I believe what bothers me is that I feel like the physicalness of our relationship was sacred, and if she expierences that with someone else, that will be lost.

Not 5 minutes ago, she was messageing me online, and that hasn't helped. The message she sent was along the lines of:

"I can't talk long, and I know we can't be talking anyway..I just wanted to tell you that my Mom hasn't talked to me in 2 days becuase she is so mad at me."

Her mom is mad at her about breaking up with me, and Im beginning to worry that she will regret this for the wrong reasons. On top of that, I ended up seeing her info, which put me in quite a sad mood. Whatever the quote was, it was all about being sorry but having to do this, and "its hard when beginning the rest of my life has to start wtih breaking a heart" or something like that.

I didn't respond at all to her messages, though all I wanted to do was make her feel better. I ignored them, and acted as if I wasn't at the computer. I know what's for the best, but for some reason, knowing that she is sad makes me want to cry. It hurts me that she's hurt.

Anyway, I'm worried that today is going to be a very rough day, and am actually looking forward to my mom getting out of work so I can tlak to someone. I need to talk to someone or else I feel I'm going to have a breakdown. No matter what, I won't let myself call her... I just want to go back to where I was yesterday...

Thanks for listenening guys

[sypher373]

Just wanted to add something about the messages she sent me...

I've been thinking about them, and I got worried for a little while that it seems she wasn't upset about anything, but then again its hard to judge emotions through text, and a one way conversation. I wasn't about to break NC to find out if she was or why she wasn't upset about it.

The way I see it, she is looking to me for comfort, because she has no where else to go. Why else would she tell me about a fight between her and her mother that's about me? Is she trying to make me feel bad? To be hoenst, I don't feel bad, ebcause I agree with her mother. I was the best thing that ever happened to her,and she's going to learn the hard way. Her mom is right, just as I'm right, but she won't see that until she learns it herself. Im not so worried about the fact that she's not thinking about me/sad about this anymore, because I don't think she would have ever contacted me if she wasn't thinking about me, and her info definitely wouldn't have been about us breaking up if she thinks I'm not even seeing it.

I feel good and bad at the same time. Im sad that she's hurt, but she brought it on herself. Im feeling okay beucase I know what we had was real. She hasn't just replaced me. Im also be cautious to prevent myself from getting any sort of hope out of this.

-Sypher

[sypher373]

Last one, I promise :)
------

My ex's parents and I have a very special relationship. I have done work for her step father, and helped them both a lot, as they have done for me. They treated me as a child of their own, and would do anything for me...

Should I call her mother, and request that she stop doing this to my ex? I know that might be over stepping my bounds, and I should probably just let the entire situation be. I'm just pretty confused by this whole mess.

Maybe I should let it roll off my back.

[brokenhearted25]

I know how you feel. But going to her mother is still hanging on to her. I'm having an issue kind of the same as yours and I'm tempted to go to his father or his best friend, however, I do feel that it is over-stepping my bounds and that it's a totally separate issue and sto stay out of it. There's no point in giving anyone any extra fuel for the fire. Best of luck.

[grammadidi]

Sypher... you really need to block her. Look what seeing messages from her does to you! Do you want all the gains shot to heck because of a few IM's?? You need to shut her out completely... for both you... and her. Move on. Stop living in the past. As I said yesterday, act as if it is totally over for good.

Didi

[sypher373]

I suppose I assumed that as long as I didn't respond to her it wouldn't affect me, but your right... just seeing things, even if I have no contact with her is quite painful.

Thanks

[Skell]

Yes you need to block her. Your keeping the avenues of communication open. Even though you don't responds she still has a way to contact you and she will use it to tell you this stuff.

You don't need to hear it and she has no right to be telling you. She has to remember she has broken up with you and she has to leave you be. She has to deal with her mother herself. What she is doing now is just trying to make her feel less guilt and you feel sorry for her by portraying herself as a victim here. And your letting her.

Id also be careful about saying and thinking things like you being the best thing that ever happened to her and that she will regret it what she has done. Maybe, but also a big maybe not. You don't know that and once again it is focusing on what she is doing and thinking and not you. You really need to quit beating yourself up and worrying about her. She isn't worried about you so why are you worried about her?? The only person you need to help is yourself.

[sypher373]

Skell,

I think I found out what I was scared about the entire time:

I know she still has strong feelings for me, but is so confused she can't manage a relationship. Well anyway, I was afraid that by ignoring her, and feelings she has left for me would be destroyed. I guess I don't know if ignoring her when she needs me will make her want me more, or just annhiliate any feelings she has left remaining for me.

I know now, for my own sake, any attemps she makes to contact me I have to ignore. Every time I don't, I am set back and end up miserable all over again. But, do you have any input on my concerns about her remaining feelings? (except that I shuldnt care :) )

Thank you

[sypher373]

if you two still care about eachother, than what's the problem?

She's confused about what she wants and how her feelings really are.

To be honest, she is so confused I can't put much importance in anything she tells me. There is no way that I can believe 100% anything she says one way or another, so I need to give her the space to figure out what it is she wants. She knows that she can't be in a relationship with me if she does not give me 100% of her heart. Apparently she does not feel ready to do that.

[brokenhearted25]

Wow... I wish mine would at least call.
Do you feel better now that she's said that? For some reason, I think I would because then there would be hope. But that's just me. It's probably not a good idea either.

[sypher373]

Wow...I wish mine would atleast call.
Do you feel better now that she's said that? For some reason, I think I would because then there would be hope. But that's just me. It's probably not a good idea either.

Broken,

To be honest, it makes me feel worse when she calls or talks... and I can almost guarantee it would do the same to you...

Listen...

She calls me, sometimes crying, sometimes just about to, almost always with some sort of emotional problem. I talk to her, help her through the problem. She feels better, thanks me, says she's glad that I she can trust me to help her, all that bs. We get off the phone, I feel great. I feel like I have helped me a lot, and she's not going to forget what I'm doing for her. I feel like I've earned some "brownie points" and am helping my case.

Then the next day comes, and I feel like crap... I feel horrible beucase I know I am not going to get to talk to her that day, and all I want to do is know she needs me. Think of it almost like a drug... I get a little taste, then I want more and more and more. What happens when she doesn't need a shoulder to cry on? I'm left hoping for something that Im not giong to get.

Trust me, its better that she doesn't call you, all that does is provide more things for me to worry about, and never gives her the chance to miss me. If every time she misses me, Im here for her... she gets her fix and then she's gone.

You said "at least it would give me hope". That's NOT what you want, trust me. You want to move on, accept that it happened, and don't hold ANY hope at all. If she does come back, let it be a pleasant surprise. You cannot hold out hope that she will come back, for if she doesn't, you will be hurt worse than you are now, and I'm sure you don't want that. It happens to me, I feel hopeful that I have helped her, and she thanks me for it, so I think, its only a matter of time now...

Well you know what, it doesn't matter if it is or isn't a matter of time. If she comes back, I don't want to be waiting for it. If she comes back, I may not want her back. All that hope will do is set you back, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Its happened to me more times than I wish, so I'm not letting it happen anymore.

I know it hurts, so does everyone on this forum, but time makes it better.. and once it starts to feel better, you Don't want a call to set you back where you were before... trust me.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

[sypher373]

cypher, it sounds like you're at the point where you've got things for the most part figured out. that's a good thing. you've prety much got this thing taken care of. i'm happy for you. i only wish i could figure my way out of my situation..... gratz man.

Maybe I understand it solid, but that doesn't means its easy.

Im still bummed everyday, but accepting what happened definitely helps in the healing process. There is no reason to be upset and worried about what hasn't happened. Of course I will still "mourn" the loss of someone that I loved, but its no reason to stop living. Trust me, nothing you will do will bring her back, and trying will push her away. She may come back, but if she does, it won't be because of what you've done.

Understanding the situation and knowing what to do aren't the hardest parts, the hard part is doing IT once you know what IT is.

Good luck to you

[Skell]

Sypher she only calls you because you let her. I hope you have stopped letting her.

[sypher373]

Sypher she only calls you because you let her. I hope you have stopped letting her.

I have, don't worry :)

[hair2007]

I have, dont worry :)

I have been going through this also, when they call I guess we do let them... its been a long time for me going through this I let him get away with it. But this what I'm working on now to stop it... good luck

[sypher373]

Hey guys,

I don't know if anyone's still following this thread, but I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Yesterday and most of today went awesome. Im not sure what it was, but as this evening came on, I started to get all the old feelings coming back. Im not going to call or message her at all, but for some reason the old temptations to check things are back. Im not going to, but I thought I was over those for the most part. Hopefully, they will be gone after a good nights sleep - I hate constantly reminding myself I probably don't want to see what I'm going to see if I look.

I'm also starting to upset myself with those insecurities and fears of being forgotten again. Im not sure what it is. I guess even though talking to her made it much harder on me, it was also a reminder that I hadn't been forgotten. I suppose Skell may have been right when he said that "part of me likes it too", I just didn't realize it at the time.

I know the smart thing to think is that not talking to me probably makes her miss me more, as she should for making such a stupid decision. By talking to me, it probably just gives her the "fix" she needs to get through a few more days, and I need to stop being her drug. Hopefully these feelings don't get worse as the days go on, I was so hopeful and optimistic yesterday and this morning...

Thanks for listening

[hair2007]

Hey guys,

I dunno if anyones still following this thread, but I just wanted to vent a little bit.

Yesterday and most of today went awesome. Im not sure what it was, but as this evening came on, I started to get all the old feelings coming back. Im not going to call or message her at all, but for some reason the old temptations to check things are back. Im not going to, but I thought I was over those for the most part. Hopefully, they will be gone after a good nights sleep - I hate constantly reminding myself I probably dont want to see what im going to see if I look.

I'm also starting to upset myself with those insecurities and fears of being forgotten again. Im not sure what it is. I guess even though talking to her made it much harder on me, it was also a reminder that i hadn't been forgotten. I suppose Skell may have been right when he said that "part of me likes it too", I just didnt realize it at the time.

I know the smart thing to think is that not talking to me probably makes her miss me more, as she should for making such a stupid decision. By talking to me, it probably just gives her the "fix" she needs to get through a few more days, and I need to stop being her drug. Hopefully these feelings dont get worse as the days go on, I was so hopeful and optimistic yesterday and this morning.....

Thanks for listening

Hi, go back and read some posts, yours and others, it usually helps by re-reading them... gd luck

[Skell]

Dude stop worrying so much about what she is doing and start worrying about what YOU are doing. That is all you can control.

If she has forgotten you already then she isn't worth it anyway. But who cares. Doesn't change a thing. Every post you write is about her and worrying about what she is thinking and doing.
STOP IT!! YOU!!