My son will be 26 in March. He has always been a good kid and is usually very thoughtful. The one thing that bothers me terribly is that he doesn't send me a birthday gift or card. He always remembers to call. He also doesn't send any gift/card to his dad. Sometimes, he willl remember us on Mothe"s/Father's Day.

I am wondering if I should neglect his birthday and only call him and wish him well. This is driving me crazy because I keep thinking that my love is unconditional and my gifts shouldn't be based on what he sent me. On the other hand, he is a military officer, making decent pay. He is married and we even send gifts to his wife!

Do you think that if he gets a taste of his own medicine, he will realize that it stings a little when he neglects our birthday? And, if so, should I mention anything to him or leave it unsaid?

Keep doing what you have always done, he'll appreciate it without mention, and be crushed if you do change your ways. Heck he won't, but no sense turning your heart inside out. Give to give, not receive. I hope this isn't my mom, because I'd be guilty most of the time too.

Usually children receive birthday presents from their parents. If you wish to keep sending him a birthday gift, it's your call. You can't equate him sending you and your husband a gift for your birthdays though as reciprocal to you sending him a gift.

He at least calls you up! Some kids aren't even that thoughtful. Please don't let this bother you. Keep sending him a gift, but make it token gifts instead. It's the thought that counts, right?

Yes, you should

I think that people show love how they see it and maybe he doesn't see love with giving presents. But he's your son he also is a adult you don't need to feel obliged to send him anything, He's also a male and be trhankkful that he calls or writes haha. I'd say just ring him and if he's near you by him a card. He's getting old and doesn't need a present from his mum.

My parents skipped my birthday one year and it really upset me. I don't care about a gift - there is nothing that I need and if I did, I would get it myself - it's the thought. My siblings and I don't exchange gifts and usually try to remember an email around birthday time... but we don't miss each other's kids birthdays.

Presents are not about what you need. We're adults... we probably don't need much. But gifts flow downwards through generations, imo.

I think so, if you can send the gift and give freely without expecting anything in return. You have to live with your actions and he has to live with his. I still try to set a good example and keep the "ties that bind" (so to speak) going with my adult daughter.

It's a no-win situation. He probably doesn't think about the why of not giving a present, but is just not demonstrative in that way. If you change your habit of giving him a present it might be taken as deliberately mean-spirited or resentful. My mother used to say, "Sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child." My daughter hasn't sent me a birthday present for the past 3 years. I am always excessively generous with her, however, it comes from my desire to give her things that I woud like her to have. Oh well.

"Sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child." The woman who said this was very wise. The most hurtful thing of all is to be ignored and forgotten by any adult child. When there is little or no acknowledgment/ phonecall or even a thank you to parents, grandparents and great grandparents then we as parents have to decide the best course. Perhaps it is to love them but without greetings or gifts. They could be sending us a subliminal message to stay away from their lives. As pensioners we can no longer afford gifts to children and grandchilden when there is a lack of acknowledgment for any of it.

Lana this is a very old thread.

Kitkat - Old thread but thanks for responding.
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At one time I believed we were cowards but not anymore. We live now, travel a little and we smell the roses. A reality check forced us to take a close look at things. Even God does not ignore people -- that's why He created hell instead of nothingness. There is nothing worse in our opinion than to be totally ignored by busy thoughtless children. There is no excuse for bad behavior.

Next time you are on a card aisle look around.
Any guys around?
Probably not.
Guys make phone calls.
Girls send cards.
As to gifts, it is entirely possible that he has absolutely no idea what to get for you.
Surely as your son he is supposed to know.
He has known you his whole life.
Right?
Wrong.
Your lives are now separate.(To have posted the question proves this point.)
Tastes change with time.
He may be embarrassed to ask.
You likely have everything you need.
And mostly everything you want.

Your choices are:
Let it go
Or
Let him know.

Letting him know can be done very gently.
When mom's birthday is coming up dad can call at least a month ahead and suggest a gift idea.
"Your mom has been looking at this (enter gift idea here).
I think she would really appreciate receiving it from you."
When dad's birthday is coming up mom can return the favor with a gift suggestion.
Keep the gift realistic and well within budget of the young couple.
The favor can be extended further by checking with the couple to make sure the gifts you are sending are items they need/want.
Many military families move often, therefore do not need/want things.
Look for a gift that creates memories, yet carries no weight.
Good Luck in 2011.

I also have the same problem. I have one daughter who never forgets me for any occasion, one daughter who never remebers anything and one son who calls. I have always send a card and bought a gift for birthdays.My last hurt was Mother's Day. My son called, and said he had been working hard and didn't have time to buy a card. Usually he comes over by himself, hands me a plant and says he has to go to spend the day with his family. This day hurts as Im his Mother not his Wife. All my friends spend it with their kids and ask me to come over but it's not the same. SO I've decided to just send a card and call. No more gifts.

I don't even get a phone call from my child on my birthday. Be happy you get that.