This question maybe should be in the education area, but there are some "emotional" aspects to it so I thought I'd post it here.

My children will be in school very shortly. Two of mine are both starting school, and I'm also currently taking care of 2 nephews and a niece, who are also school age. All 5 kids are under the age of 10.

I received a list of what all the kids will need from the school. Basic school supplies are very cheap, but I wondering if it's important for the kids to have "trendy" supplies, or supplies with their favorite characters on them, etc. I mean, is it important in terms of the kids doing better in school, and feeling better about themselves? Will the other kids tease them if their supplies are not trendy? We are not poor by any means, but I do want to keep costs down as much as possible, especially since I have to buy things for 5 children! Clothes present a similar issue. Thanks for any suggestions or advice.

J_9

It's always hard Chava, but that is what children do, unfortunately. It is sad, but children are cruel.

I went to a private elementary school, had little money at the time, and I was ridiculed for being "poor." We all wore uniforms and got our supplies at school, so how were they to know?

I went to a rich high school and was ridiculed for the same things, my parents had more money then. But fashion was not my main focus.

So, as you see, it all has little to do with money.

kp2171

with our daughter, we usually tried to find a backpack she really liked. that was the one thing that we usually tried to find. she used it every single day and it seemed to make her happy.

everything else was mostly run of the mill... maybe some pencils or pens that were funky. she also loved stickers to decorate folders and book covers.

clothes were never a big issue... but we were probably middle of the road... shed usually get some clothes, and my wife is THE QUEEN of finding good girls and womens clothes on sale, but not an obnoxious amount.

the only thing i remember being teased about when i was a kid was when i would outgrow my clothes too fast before i got more. parents didnt always notice when i was bundled up in the winter that some of the clothes were not fitting right.

i know my wife jsut finds all kinds of buys at local consignment shops, and discount stores here in the US like marshalls and gordmans.

we also have a goodwill (charity) store that has a bargin bin day once a week. basically its at the distribution center and a lot of the stuff there is closeouts or donations from local retailers who just dump their last of the season stuff that didnt sell, so much is absolutely brand new. they usually have stuff that preteen and older girls can wear... our daughter absolutely loves going there, but shes also much older now and doesnt need to have something come out of the store new. i think when she was younger shed probably wear much of the stuff, but would not have wanted to go into the store herself.... as in her mother could bring it home and shed like it, but not want to go into the goodwill store... even though much was new and brand name.

orange

YES they are!!! I'm really trying to teach mine to not be that way, but is it even possible? I wasn't a cruel kid, but then I was an outcast, so I had a special awareness of what it felt like to be treated badly. I certainly don't want my kids to be outcasts too.

kp2171

well, while the little ones are not carbon copies of us, and they have their own spirits and wills, how you treat them and your spouse is the first step... and you know that. you give them boundaries and consequences and theyll understand what the limits are and how they are expected to treat others. you talk kindly to your mate and theyll see how you communicate. my son is so much more spirited and busy than i was according to my mother, but you can still see the way they learn to communicate through you.

and you talk to them from time to time about their feelings, maybe take one out on a special day for just the two of you (and then of course youll have to do the same for the others) now and then (you know.... in your "free time", whenever that is)... and theyll learn that you are interested in them individually and begin to trust you.

probably the biggest mistake i made when i met my wife and started dating was giving her pre-teen daughter too much room. i thought she needed a little space to get used to the idea of me being around... she took it as my being disinterested. it wasnt until six months later when i painted her room her favorite color while she was away at camp and found a bedroom set for her that she realized i was around for her as well, not just her mother.

youve obviously done so much more for these kids... but it might be a good idea to try to have a schedule maybe... one kid gets a couple of hours on this one day with you or your spouse to do something fun. the others get to know when their personal time is too... just a thought. i know its a zoo now and personal time is hard to come by. something to keep in mind for the future. katie and her mother still have an occasional girls weekend, where they plan on spending part of a day together doing something interesting, almost like a date, and they still look forward to those "dates"... and if you dont plan them, they just dont seem to happen.

our daughter was also in a lot of different activities. dance when she was the age of your girls and through her first year of HS. soccer, gymnastics, church stuff on occasion. she was never one of those kids who are "busy-scheduled" beyond reason, but she had a nice mix of friends in different places. this usually helped her... when things were not going well at school with a friend or she was being picked on, she always had some other kids to turn to.

orange

Thanks kp... lots of great parenting advice, as usual!! Before Debbie's three kids came to stay with us, I was having personal time with the 4 and 6 year old once a week, for a couple of hours, as you mentioned. I've been slacking since the new three came, though. I feel guilty about it, but it's been hellish just to get all 5 kids to get along with each other, respect the house rules, keep them entertained with summer activities, AND take care of the baby as well, etc, etc. Alex tries to give them as much attention as he can, but he is working 12 hour days, 5 days a week, and sometimes more than that. I think once they go back to school, activities will be easier to organize. Plus my housekeeper / nanny is returning from her summer holidays next week, woohoo!!!!! I kind of feel sorry for her though lol!

kp2171

i dont think youre slacking on anything.

things get crazy. and things get better. the important thing is you know what you need to do. and you do it as best you can, when you can.

school and the nanny will certainly help give you a little break!

aqua@home

I could use a house keeper. I've thought about hiring one, just for a couple hours a week. I wouldn't even know who to trust. Sounds like you are doing great Chava.

orange

That's a really good point, aqua. It is definitely a trust issue, having someone come into your home like that. Luckily I "inherited" my housekeeper from my adopted niece and nephew's parents. They hired her to clean house and help take care of their children right after my niece (who is now 6) was born. So she was with them for almost 6 years, the children know her well, and it has been established that she's trustworthy. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know her "background" the way I do. Maybe I'd hire through a reputable agency only... but then I'd still feel nervous about it.

s_cianci

You can let them choose their own book bag and their own lunch boxes, their own folders, etc. with their favorite characters on them. That's what my kids did. A bookbag with Spiderman on it doesn't cost any more than a bookbag with Barbie or some abstract design on it. As for clothes, unless they attend private school where uniforms are required, the available styles are going to be pretty much the same no matter where you shop so that really isn't an issue.

orange

Thanks for your response, s_cianci. I didn't see it until now, but then I haven't been on the site much in the last week or so.

I'm happy to report to you all that the shopping spree(s) went reasonably well, I got everything the kids needed and a few things that they wanted, and our budget wasn't stretched too much. Now I'm just anxious for school to start so I can have a break!!! First day of school is August 30th, so I still have a bit of time to wait... sigh. Anyways thanks to all of you for your suggestions, it really helped!