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brendensmommy5607 · Mar 29, 2007, 04:43 PM

I am 17, pregnant, and in the middle of a divorce from my "husband." He has harassed me since I left him in September of 2006. I left him because he was physically abusive. Now, he harassed me about my son that will be born within weeks. One moment he says he will take my son away from me and the next he denies my son. I don't want my "husband" to have ANY rights what-so-ever. He has asked me to have an abortion and to give the baby up, but I want the baby. He has told me that the moment he gets alone with my son, he will take him across state lines and "kidnap" him. He is manipulative and threatens me and my family, among other things. So, you can see why I din't want this "man" to have any thing to do with my child. How do I keep him from my son?? Help!!

saraispiel19 · Mar 29, 2007, 04:51 PM

First of αll you should be discussing thαt with your divorce αttorney αnd on top of thαt αin't no one in hell gonnα tαke your bαby αwαy from you-- α newborn needs his mommα αnd child services wouldn't αllow it unless your some sort of dαnger to the child, in which I highly doubt. Your "husbαnd" in whαt I think is just pissed αt you αnd getting you where it hurts-- in this cαse your unborn child, I think he's αll tαlk. But if he's α reαl dαnger- there is αlwαys α restrαining order hun:-)

TheSavage · Mar 29, 2007, 04:51 PM

Sadly you can not.
You are tied to him for the next 18 years.
Such is the nature of a baby -- it takes two people to make one, and that was who you picked 9 months ago.
Savage

shygrneyzs · Mar 29, 2007, 05:28 PM

Is this guy your real husband or is husband the term you use to describe your relationship? If you have not contacted the police about this guy, you should. Report his threats and his behavior and what he has done to you. You can file for a protection order. Have you spoken with anyone from a woman's shelter about your rights and the rights of your baby? Contact Social Services and talk to someone in Child Protective Services and ask them how best to protect yourself and your baby from this man.

You do not have to be helpless and hopeless. This guy is counting on you being scared of him. Stop being a victim to his tactics. You need to find out exactly what your rights are, what you are responsible for, what the baby's father's rights are and just what you can expect once the baby is born.

That is a great deal to absorb, especially at your young age. But, as Ssvage noted, you put yourself in this and now you need to take care of your baby. Not so much fun anymore. Good luck to you.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 29, 2007, 06:56 PM

Good example of getting to know people before having babies with them.

But with that said, if he is abusive, file a police report, if he threatens you, get a order of protection against him.

But to be honest many stupid men say those sorts of things, mostly men who are abusive and controlling, they want to control you through fear.

As for as custody or rights, that will be decided in family court after the baby is born. Most likely if he really wants some visitation he will get some. You can because of the threats ask the court for supervised visitation, seldom if ever does the man get any custody of a new born.

You will of course need to file for child support.

brendensmommy5607 · Mar 30, 2007, 07:09 AM

Thanks you so much for your help so far. Yes, this man is my real husband and not just in terms of our relationship. I've known him for a while before we got married and he was not like this. I don't want to be looked at as a weak person or someone who always makes horrible decisions... I was honestly and truly manipulated by this man. I have contacted the police about this and he was convicted of assault. But that was in Oct. Is there really nothing I can do about terminating his rights or anything?

ScottGem · Mar 30, 2007, 07:41 AM

You were actually told what you can do. To summarize. The ONLY way you can terminate his rights is to prove he is abusive and a danger to the child. To do that, you have to document his abusive behavior and threats. That means filing police reports, taping calls, never being alone with him so there are witnesses. You then take this documentation into the divorce hearing (including record of his conviction) and show the judge why he should not have any custody or visitation.

brendensmommy5607 · Mar 30, 2007, 09:54 AM

Maybe I'm just hormonal because I'm pregnant... but you guys seem a little snippy to me. I know that I need to document all of his actions and such... but will this have any effect on the custody or will it just fall through. I'm sorry, but he hasn't given one thought to actually caring about this child and it burns me up that there's not a whole bunch I can do. I just have to leave it to some man/woman who doesn't really know me or my situation that well. It's bull! Yes, I understand, I should have thought about who I wanted to have children with before... but he honestly wansn't like this. He was nice and loving and loved his neices and nephews and cousins. He turned out to be abusive and manipulative after the fact. I wanted him to have something to do with his son at first, but after everything... I don't! He will corrupt him...

ScottGem · Mar 30, 2007, 10:17 AM

I'm sorry, if we seemed "snippy", but you got 4 people giving you good advice and you seemed not to listen to them.

You don't seem to understand that there is no black and white here. We can't tell you what a Family Court judge will decide. We can tell you what factors a judge will look out in making his decision. We can advise what evidence you need to present to get the judge to see it your way. But we can't predict what will happen, especially when all we hear is one side.

There is another aspect to this that hasn't been mentioned. I can't help wonder how old he is. You stated you are now 17. That would seem to indicate you married him when you were 16. The way you talk about him leads me to think that he is several years older than you. Another recipe for disaster.

brendensmommy5607 · Mar 30, 2007, 04:08 PM

Yes... I am 17 and I married him right after I turned 17. I am a smart girl... but I realize now that I was very niave and rebelious. He is 22 and he is everything that I don't want my son to be. I am just frustrated with the whole situation and I just wishe there was a black and white... Tahnks for all your help!

spiraljane23 · Apr 2, 2007, 05:56 PM

Document, document, document! Write everything down, that is about the only thing you can do right now. If he threatens you, call the police. You will not know what is going to happen until after the baby is born. If he somehow proves that he will be a loving and caring father, then the court will grant him visitation but you will have a lot of control over that anyway and it doesn't sound like he wants to be a father anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much. Just talk care of yourself until that baby is born and when that baby is born, be the best mom you can be. This is a happy occasion, don't let him ruin it. You have a baby coming! Congratulations!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2007, 07:52 PM

I know, things did not turn out as you had hoped, but you are young and have plenty of time to find a new love that will work,

Now the main things is if you are scared to get out, your safey and the safety of the child ( unborn) is of most importance.

Next divorce, file if you can in your state.
There is nothing you can do except to have an attorney with custody papers ready to file as soon as the child is born,

You will sue for temporary custody as soon as born pending a custody hearing, and emergancy temp child support. At the hearing or mediation you work out the terms of custody and child support,

So first, if you need to get to safety, do that first above all, then file for divorce.