Hi everyone. This is my first time asking for some advise. My 12 yr old (soon to be 13) has always been a quick learner and ahead of herself. Seems so with her hormones too.

I have noticed today that she has a lovebite on the top of her left boob. When I asked her about it she had a look of shock and guilt on her face but keeps saying it's a bruise! I asked her to show me properly but she refuses and says 'what don't you trust me?' Her step dad thinks she's lying and I do too but what should I do?

Please I need some advise. She's so cocky and self assured.

Regards
Susi x

J_9

Okay, who is the parent here? She shows you, and that's that, end of story end of conversation. I am a mother of a 13 year old girl myself.

Also, who is supposed to be watching her? How in the world does she get the time to be with a boy unchaperoned long enough for this to happen?

Remember, you are the parent, you make the rules, she obeys them.

Fr_Chuck

yes what do you mean she won't show you, she would or she would be sitting in a empty room, no computer, no music not phone and so on.

And as noted, ground her and punish her first for refusing to show you,

saraispiel19

αsides from αn "eαrly bloomer" she is quite the mαnipulαtive one-- shes got you αsking whαt to do-- i'd go with whαt the others sαid.. how do you get α bruise on your boob?? wαit yeα i hαd one αfter homecoming.. i remember now.. if my dαughter told me thαt i'd be like "nice try your grounded"-- go out there αnd get her to tell you the truth-- then ground her..

Skrypt

Well it has to be embarrassing for her right? Thats why she probably lied. As you said yourself she had a look of shock and guilt. I say go a little easy on her, shes only 13 and if you ground her for something shes feeling guilty or embarrassed about, it would most likely make her a little rebellious.

lacuran8626

She's embarassed. If you can't prove it, you need to back off but use it as a teachable moment. Tell her, "the reason I was so upset about that is that I have this concern for you..." Then have a non-confrontational talk with her about what you want for her, and what you want to protect her from (thinking she has to be sexual way too early, doing physical things to keep a boy, etc.).

I don't think discipline is the right approach if you can't be certain bad behavior resulted in this (it feasibly could be a bruise) but making sure you know where she is and is not unsupervised with boys is a must at this age, whether you have specific reasons to be concerned or not. It's a risk-taking time. Be vigilant and aware.

rankrank55

I agree with the others! She is embarrassed but that is the consequence she is going to have to pay. Set her down, tell her that you KNOW that it is not a bruise and it if from another person. Have a little talk about self-control and self-respect.

arabella5c

There is no way you can force a thirteen year old to "tell" you the truth. However, you can take more precaution regarding the WHO WHEN and WHERE in the future. If you are suspicious about sexual activity in one so young, guard her time and activities. You will save her a lot of heartache!

Revolutionary

I whole-heartedly agree with this post... You must maintain an open relationship with your daughter, or you will push her away... take her lovingly into your confidence, and tell her what you may have learned at her age, and why she should be more prudent.

As for the lying, I would say "Darlin', you know I love you, and I only want the best for you, it probably is just a bruise, but if it isn't... (and then share what I mentioned above.)

Just stay away from arguing, acusing, yelling, and judging... remember, none of us are born knowing all the answers, we learn as we grow. As parents, we can help teach our children in those afore mentioned "teachable moments".

bushg

I would say to my dearest daughter. You have now become my companion and I am your companion. You will not have any freedom for along time. Your friends will come here to visit you. You will not be allowed to talk with boys. You may have phone calls in my presence and you may not answer the phone. You will not go to partys, movies, shopping etc.. unless I am there. You will be chaperoned. Because you will not be into sex, trickery etc... WE will be doing some volunteer work at childrens hospital, a nursery, or a day care. We will be taking a refresher course on std's. If neccessary I will sleep in the same room as you. Your choice. I will be talking to your father about the new rules. If you think this is unfair then try having a baby at the age of 13. If necessary we will be talking to a judge.