Christmas is coming. Typically I meet my ex 500 miles away to swap the kids so they can spend time with me. This only happens twice each year. Once during the summer and once during Christmas.

I am remarried and have 1 child with my new wife. She has an older child from her previous marriage.

Problem #1 - Current wife doesnt think she should have to deal with my kids for more then 2 weeks at a time. Since they only have 1 week off during the Christmas vacation this adds up to 3 total weeks I see them each year. They are very young with the oldest being 8.

Problem #2 - Current wife does not want me to aknowledge my 3rd child with my ex. This was a major problem when I was dating my current wife. She felt I had cheated on her with my ex-wife and got her pregnant. Conception happened 1 week after I met my current wife. Still she will not have anything to do with my 3rd child nor will she accept that I have any kind of relationship with him either.

This year my ex-wife wants me to take all 3 kids. I really want to see my first two and get to know my 3rd child as any parent would and should. I haven't told my current wife just yet but she will absolutely not allow this to happen. My first 2 are welcome to stay in our house (remember, with restrictions) but my 3rd child is supposed to be invisible, non-existent. How can I make this work? I've been very patient and have gone through some very difficult and confusing emotional times.

What should I do?

chuff

I realize I'm a little late to this post. And I'm sure the advice your getting from others is much better than mine, but I can think about is the 3 year old who didn't ask for any of this. What about him? You know what else strikes me, How many single mothers out there would love for the father to be part of the childs life. And you want too. Your wife's an evil .

jrussole

I agree with chuff! Chuff, you are becoming my role model! You are very insightful. Anyway, your present wife is evil yorgo. And controlling. Which will only hurt you and ALL your children in the present and future. Unless she has an open heart to your feelings and loves you and all that came/comes with you, I doubt you will ever find happiness with that her.

chuff

Thank you.


I called her a but AMHD deleted it, like I'm sure they just did again. She's actually more C word kind of person and someone I'd love to meet and tell it to her face. Some people you will just never like and any mother that stops a willing, loving, father from seeing his children is about as low as you can get to me.


Exactly, how bad is this going to get when their teenagers and they start rebeling. I'm all for strict, but controling is a whole different problem. Strict gets results. Controling gets backlash.


No he won't. He knows he can do better too, that's what really baffles me. He's much to good to be putting up with this. Actually every guy on the planet could do better. His child has done nothing to deserve this skank in his life, and of course that child is going to grow up bitter. When that child revolts against this guy or does't talk to the father, when the child is an adult I hope he'll be able to look at this evil skank and say it was all worth it.

yorgo

Update!!! Finally I got a chance to update everyone on what's been happening. You are/were all right on the money. Much has happened but things are "temporarily" normal. Yes, we had a huge fight and all my stuff was thrown out into the yard and I was asked to move out. It was like this for about 1 1/2 weeks.

The remaining few days before the kids arrived I spent at home with the devil. I slept on the couch until my back hurt. Then I thought "why should I be on the couch?" so I went to bed and she moved to the couch.

The day the kids arrived I packed my stuff and loaded the car. She (demon) had to work and didn't have any choice but to let me take our 2 year old with me and meet his brothers and sister. The oldest, her son, was with his father that weekend. So the baby and I drove to my sisters house and finally met up with the kids. They were so happy to see me! And finally I got to meet my little 3 year old boy. It was great and he took to me like he already knew who I was. Great kid and I'm sorry I ever neglected him. My daughter has always been close to me. We bonded from the time she was born in 1998 since I took care of her mostly. My work hours allowed me to spend a lot of quality time with her during the first 2 years of her life. My 2nd child has never been that close to me. He loves me but I cant tell if his distancing from me has to do with him being a boy or the fact that he loves his little brother so much that he hates me for not acknowledging his little brother. Not sure but this visit was excellent. He seemed to be happier with me and told me several times how much he loved me. My daughter, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th all got along great and were all over me. The 4th child, from my current nightmare marriage, was a bit jealous tho but overall everybody got along.

The remaining 2 weeks were interesting. I took my 4th child back home to his mother and didn't see him for another 1 1/2 weeks. I spent day and night with my kids the rest of the time until the first 3 days of week 2. My sister wanted them to spend the night with her kids for a few days so thats what we did. During these days I went back home (to hell). Things were quieter, questions were asked, curiosity, etc.. but nothing was asked about the 3rd child. She did have rude comments to make but being as pissed as I was I put her in her place. Basically told her I didnt want to hear any more negative comments about ANY of my kids and to basically shut the F*** up.

The last 2 days, Thur and Fri, I took off from work again and spent them with the kids. Great time everybody is happy. Friday I drove them back and met up with my ex in Savannah where she took over with the kids. Drove home that same night and things are different now...

Since then my relationship with Satan has improved, believe it or not. Overall I think she's learned to never push me over the edge again. I think she knows now that she is in a bad situation and she has to let me do what I think is best. I'm not a bad guy, I think I make fairly intelligent decisions but I let things get out of hand for too long. She still tries to control things and I'll give her a little control but once it goes beyond a certain point she knows to back off. I'm really amazed how she's learned to stay the hell out of my way.

Thank you everyone for your advise with this. I don't think I would have had the balls to even attempt it if it was not for what you people wrote on this board. Life is too short and there are no guaranty's except that your kids will always be your kids and everyone dies eventually. There's no going back in time to correct terrible mistakes as much as we may want to.

talaniman

Congrats Yorgo and glad to know that you have made so much progress with your kids and even the wife. Doing the right thing is the best thing to do.

chuff

It's stories like that, that make realize the time I spend here is really worth while. Thank you for the update.

ordinaryguy

A big HOORAY for you for standing up for your kids and yourself and saying "Get thee behind me, Satan." And thank you for coming back to let us know how things turned out. Like Chuff says, stories like this make it all worthwhile. So many times, we never know whether it does any good or not. Hang in there, bro, and keep in touch.

yorgo

Thanks guys

puttuna

I am Really Confused :S

dunno

I was hoping for an update on all of this! I wonder how things are now that it's been a year!