Christmas is coming. Typically I meet my ex 500 miles away to swap the kids so they can spend time with me. This only happens twice each year. Once during the summer and once during Christmas.

I am remarried and have 1 child with my new wife. She has an older child from her previous marriage.

Problem #1 - Current wife doesnt think she should have to deal with my kids for more then 2 weeks at a time. Since they only have 1 week off during the Christmas vacation this adds up to 3 total weeks I see them each year. They are very young with the oldest being 8.

Problem #2 - Current wife does not want me to aknowledge my 3rd child with my ex. This was a major problem when I was dating my current wife. She felt I had cheated on her with my ex-wife and got her pregnant. Conception happened 1 week after I met my current wife. Still she will not have anything to do with my 3rd child nor will she accept that I have any kind of relationship with him either.

This year my ex-wife wants me to take all 3 kids. I really want to see my first two and get to know my 3rd child as any parent would and should. I haven't told my current wife just yet but she will absolutely not allow this to happen. My first 2 are welcome to stay in our house (remember, with restrictions) but my 3rd child is supposed to be invisible, non-existent. How can I make this work? I've been very patient and have gone through some very difficult and confusing emotional times.

What should I do?

jrussole

Yorgo, I may come from a different perspective of opinion than what you have orignially received by this post. But I am wondering why you have let this wife rule over your emotions? You seem to care about your children and need to show all of them that you do care. You can replace another wife, but your children will always be your children no matter what. Sounds to me as if you found yourself a cold one, this time! She should respect your wishes and love ALL of your children because she loves you. And they are apart of a package deal.

dunno

Just remember, if you move out of the house without your child (the 2 yr. old), the courts sometimes see this as child abandonment and it could ruin your chances of getting custody of him! Just a thought! Good luck!

yorgo

Can she legally kick me out of the house? I mean, if she is determined to keep me out and refuses for me to get in what can happen? If I'm calm and simply want to get into my home can I be arrested? The reason I ask is that it's coming to just that. I slept at home the last 2 nights, on the couch, but talking to her Im realizing just how serious and unwilling to compromise she is. I thought talking face to face would possibly make things better and I guess I was hoping she would just cry with me and hug me and just say 'its ok I'll learn to deal with it better because I love you' but that didnt happen. Instead I got an hours worth of comments and name calling. I don't want to leave the house and I made that clear to her but she insist she cannot live like this and does not want me to stay much longer. Shes only letting me stay now until I can find an apartment. I just cant believe this is happening because of my decision to spend time with my kids. How ridiculous this is.

ordinaryguy

Well, I certainly have to agree that it is ridiculous. I'm not legally qualified, but I don't think there's any way she can kick you out short of getting a restraining order, and that requires a showing of threatening or abusive behavior on your part. If she's willing to lie about that, I suppose it's possible that she could convince a judge to issue an order, but I'd hope that wouldn't happen if there's no record of domestic disturbance calls to the police, etc. I guess if she's really serious, you need to hire a lawyer. If she locks you out, I think you could call the police and they could make her let you in. That might get you in the door, but of course the police or anybody else can't force her to be reasonable, so living there may not be worth the freight. I really feel for you having to go through all this just to have a relationship with your kids. That's about as basic as it gets and if she can't handle it, then she's got some serious issues. Keep us posted as the drama unfolds, (unless of course you start feeling like a character in somebody else's soap opera).

talaniman

I suspect this is about control and as long as you go with her program, life will be great, but deviate from her plan, you will have hell to pay. You probably never noticed as the boat was never rocked, but as you see Their is no negociating, no compromise, no listenng to anyone. How far she cares to take this, there is no telling. For sure you will catch it now, for going against her rules.

yorgo

Sounds like you've hit it right on the head. You must know my wife or you know exactly what is going on. Yes, she's always been a control freak and what you wrote above is almost exactly what I've told her many many times. Her philosophy has always been "My way or the highway" and she denies it every time I tell her.

jrussole

Yorgo, I am so sorry that this is happening to you to begin with. Maybe in the long run, you'll be better off and be able to find someone that loves you for you as well as ALL of your children. Irregardless, of the circumstances. It maybe safer to move out, if she cannot control you, she may become vicious. So please be careful. Don't do anything, or say anything negative for the time being. Just tell her that you love your kids and maybe she will have an epiphany or something? Afterall, it is the holidays. Miracles do happen.

yorgo

Well the miracle here is that I never purchased a gun for the house. My bi-polar significantly crazy other told me flat out that she was so angry she would shoot me if we did have a gun. Given the few days that have passed since this started I'm coming to realize that it will be ok to be on my own. I was struggling with the thought of being without her or our little boy or even with her 11 year old which Ive become attached to also. But it happened to me once before with my first wife so I can survive another heart break. As for the future I'm really convinced that I should not have any kind of relationships with any women ever again. My heart is really aching and I cant do this again. I'm so disappointed in her behavior and lack consideration for me. I'll just keep quiet, go to work, see my family, go on rides, and visit my kids more often from now on. I don't think I'll ever want to be in another relationship.

jrussole

Yes Yorgo, you definately need to get out of the abusive situation that you have found yourself in. You may need to do some soul searching and find out what attracted you to someone such as this to begin with? Do you magnetise toward drama? Or controlling women? Were you raised by such a woman, I wonder? Either way, you need to find out what your part in this relationship caused such an outcome. And try and work on that first. It will be a difficult holiday for you this year, unless she comes around with some common sense? And you find forgiveness in your heart. But maybe next year, you will be in a better place? And please, don't let what a few bad choices in woman discourage you. You need to find out why you chose these sort of women to begin with and work from there. It sounds to me as if you are attracted to mean spirited, controlling women with thick skin. There are plenty of them out there. But it takes a kind gentle soul to find another one. Otherwise, you may keep on making the same mistake over and over again. There are plenty of good women out there. You just need to know where to look.

talaniman

Don't relax yet as this is far from over. You are tied to this woman by children so don't run for the hills just yet. When the dust settles and cooler heads can see what needs to be done, then their will have to be a sit down. Till then hold your head up and fight for your children and do the right thing by them all. Don't worry about what others think right now as your job is in front of you. They can either help or get out of the way. Stay focused.