I feel ridiculous admitting this but I'm jealous of the relationship my boyfriend has with his 7 year old daughter. We've been dating almost 2 years, and there has been so much stress! We're both divorced, and met while we were separated. Both of our spouses left us.I have no children, (I'm 41) and he has 2, (he's 42). His son is 4 years old and his daughter 7 years old. The children live with their mother during the week and lives with their father every weekend, holiday, and the entire Summer. He lives 2 hours drive from their mother. Their mother is a big partier and spends very little time with them when they are with her. Their father, my boyfriend, on the other hand, is obsessed with them! We never do anything as a couple, and he refuses to get a babysitter so we can. He constantly says how much his children need him. Early in the Summer, I tried staying over at his house with he and the kids, but it didn't work out well because the children like to come into his room and sleep with him whenever they desire, and he feels they should be able to do this. So, by my being there, he'd have to get up in the early AM, when they awake, and go sleep with them in their beds. Our sex life has definitely suffered. Now we're reduced to a "quickie" occasionally after the kids are in bed, and before I have to travel across town to go back to my home.
With his children, he very loving, touching, and caring, but is not with me. He says its because the children need this kind of affection, and I should understand since I'm a grown up. Recently, during a church service, he sat his daughter in-between us, and while she sat contently coloring, he pulled her close to him, snuggling her and stroking her leg. For some reason, it gave me the creeps. She didn't solicit the attention, it was like, he couldn't keep his hands off of her. Typically, when it's just he and I in church, he doesn't even put his arm around the back of the chair or hold my hand!
I don't want to be paranoid, but it seems he gets more pleasure from touching his daughter than touching me. When I tried to talk with him about this, he completely blew up, telling me I needed to see a therapist and my jealously towards his daughter was crazy.
I do not think anything inappropriate is going on between he and his daughter, but I cannot understand to over-flowing of affection directed towards his children, and it's all I can do to get a "crumb"!

I am nuts??

SBowman

Well, some people handle relationships differently. You're not nuts, since it does seem it looks like he's neglecting you a bit. The only way to do it is to talk to him, and if you really do like his company, it might be necessary to tolerate his daughter if he's not convinced otherwise.

LearningAsIGo

They do need that kind of attention being such young children, but to withhold it from you completely isn't necessary either. He may be slightly over-compensating if their mother really is what you say.

Is it possible he knows your upset and is purposefully trying to make you mad by withholding attention from you? Hopefully he isn't using his children in order to make you jealous. It wouldn't be very mature of him, but its a possibility.

s_cianci

Well, the worst thing you can do is to come between him and his children. And that goes for anyone having a relationship with someone who has children. Keep in mind that they will grow out of it soon. Once she gets to be a teenager, she is not going to want to sleep in bed with her father and she is not going to want to snuggle with him in church. Meanwhile, you need to decide whether this arrangement is acceptable to you or not. If you don't like the feeling that you are playing "second fiddle" to his kids, that is perfectly alright, in which case you need to be honest about it and realize that this may not be the right relationship for you.

rkim291968

It's natural to feel the way you do. Try to set some boundary of dos and don'ts when the kids are around. That is, the kids even at their age must respect you and your BF's privacy. Discuss this with your BF as an example of setting boundary. A little bit of discipline will help the kids and your BF as well.

bushg

If I were single no man would ever stay the night with my children in the home or see me in bed with another man. My children come first no matter what. I can see your bf's point of view. I would feel the same way esp. if the other parent ignores them. Poor kids. On the other had you deserve to have the type of relationship that you want if he can not give it to you then move on.