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    katherineq's Avatar
    katherineq Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 14, 2007, 05:02 PM
    Father brainwashing daughter
    Hi all,
    I don't normally visit sites like this, but I'm at my wits end! I have a 12 year old daughter and share joint legal and joint physical custody with her father. She lives with me for 2 weeks and then with him for 2 weeks. I am 34 and married. He is 40 and unmarried. I feel that he has been brainwashing her against me for quite some time now. We were divorced in 2001 and he is still continually dragging me through the legal system. I have spent $20,000 in attorney's fees since 2001. He moved approximately 30 miles away and so my daughter has had to commute to school that distance every two weeks when she is with him. Recently, he kidnapped her from me and enrolled her in the school district that he lives in without my parental consent as required per the judgement of divorce. I immediately called the police the night he refused to bring her home, but since this is a civil/custody dispute, they advised me that I would have to seek help from the courts. It took me a month to get a court date, and every attempt that I made to pick up my daughter, her father denied. During this month that he kept her from me, he would shut off the cell phone that he purchased for her, and was telling her such things as "Your mom hasn't even tried to call you" I had also been trying to e-mail her and he would not let her get on the computer to retrieve her messages. He has been coaching her in sports and has told other mother's that he schedules all practices on my parenting time. He has went bankrupt in one of his businesses, is now self-employed again, and has deputy sherriff's and bill collector's after him. He owes the IRS over $200,000... What really hurts me the most is that my daughter believes everything that he tells her, and for the past 5 1/2 years he has been brainwashing her against me. He was convicted of domestice violence for pushing me down the stairs on Christmas Eve. Anyway, after we went to court, the judge decided that he would give me complete control over what school my daughter will attend. So I am switching her back to the town she has gone to school for her whole life except for this last semester. As recently as last Wednesday when I was picking her up from school, he walked up to my car and became confrontational. My daughter blamed me for this, even though I had done nothing. In order to prevent an argument in front of her, I even remained silent even though he kept badgering me. I guess my question is... does this sound like a father who is trying to turn my daughter against me? How do I get her to see that I am not "the bad guy" and that I only have her best interests at heart?
    bronzebabe's Avatar
    bronzebabe Posts: 333, Reputation: 62
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    #2

    Jan 22, 2007, 07:18 PM
    Oh Hunny! You are in a mess aren't you? First, get your daughter into some serious counselling, start at school if you can... then Call that lovely IRS... tell them he is "self- employed" and tell them what he makes. Urge them to pursue their debt, by putting him in jail. Then, get yourself a NEW LAWYER! Yours isn't doing anything for you, Obviously! I wish I could share mine with you. Get his supervised visits with your daughter, and make sure that the Judge knows of the brain washing attempts, and the badgering, and the way he directly disobeys court orders. Get on him, or your daughter will think you are the "bad guy" here!
    otherkat's Avatar
    otherkat Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Oct 12, 2007, 10:22 AM
    I have really no experience in this, but just as a young person my opinion is that if you call the IRS to get him arrested, don't tell ANYONE because if she thinks that you are trying to put daddy in jail it will probably make things worse. I agree with the counseling who heartedly. Make sure it's a counselor and not a psychiatrist because they will just try to put her on drugs from my experience. Family counseling would be extremely good. You go in with her alone than have dad go in with her alone and than everybody individually than everybody together and I bet the counselor will be able to help a lot. That guy is a jerk for putting her in a new school, away from her comfort zone. Now she is probably going to miss the friends she had at the new school. He needs to stop messing with his kids head. It's just WRONG!
    babydoll848's Avatar
    babydoll848 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jul 6, 2009, 09:39 PM

    Hi Katherine,
    I hear your anger in this. I too have been dealing with this for the past 14 years. I thought finally it come to an end now that he finally got them convinced one by one to come live with him. Unfortunately not because he wanted them but more so because he wanted support to be paid too him. He paid me $350 a month for 3 children up until 2 years ago. The children were 2, 5 and 7 when I left and I paid for all expenses over an above what his small donation covered. The children are not children any more, they are 21, 18 and 16 and still he tries every thing in his power to make it hard for me to see my daughter or to encourage her to drain me of funds. I now pay him $541 a month for my daughter. And I might add, she works and he makes her pay for all her expenses even though he gets support to help fund her expenses. SOOOOOO yes I hear you and it seems like an ever ending thing... When does it stop or how can you get through to the kids without hurting them. He had both my boys the 2 older ones against me for about 3 years, where they wouldn't talk to me at all, but my oldest has moved out on his own and has now come back around and things are getting somewhat better there. My middle boy is still pretty distant but will talk if I call. In all the years I raised them I never spoke badly about their father as I believed he is their father and it was about the 2 of us not the 2 of us and the kids. My belief has always been, the kids will have one dad and one mom and they should be allowed to love each of them equally. I wish you well through this time of trouble, I can assure you it is not easy and doesn't get any easier for a long time. Keep your chin up and know that one day your daughter will see what is happening as I do believe that in my case also. Take Care!
    Cheerio

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