I raised my two beautiful daughters on my own until they were in first grade. They have always been the center of my universe. Now yy 21 year old daughter has decided that she does not need to communicate with me, I understand the "Making my own decisions, finding out who I am, let me figure it out" reasoning. I am okay with giving her - her space, and remaining supportive when she does want to communicate - and I am always glad to hear from her. I try not to ask intrusive questions, which I think I am doing very well at this.
My question is - she has a son. He is 4 years old. The light in my eyes. I miss him so much!! I used to be able to talk to him almost all the time, and I was able to spend 1 day a week and every other weekend with him. Now I go weeks without seeing him, or talking to him. How do I let her know how much I would like to talk to him on the phone a couple of times a week - just to see how he is, and let him know I love him, and think of him always. I am so afraid he thinks I have just gone away.
I know I will hear from her when she needs something - I always do. So why is it okay for her to need something for me - and I should be there to support her - yet its not returned? Yes she is my child and I am the mom, she is supposed to be an adult - am I not allowed to feel ignored, unappreciated, unloved also?
I call, she ignores the call.
I text message her - she doesn't respond.
I invite her to family gathering - there is always something else going on (boyfriend 12 years her senior - ICK!! no I haven't told her how I feel about him)
Do I just let it all go?! I can't! I miss them terribly, I fear my grandson thinks I have just left him without reason.
I don't know if I am searching for an answer or just a shoulder, but I need help. This has been going on now for 3 months.
any advice would be helpful
thanks
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spyderglass

Try writing her an old fashioned letter. My mother did that when I was going through my independent 'phase'. I read them. She may not answer right away. Also send 'thinking of you' cards to your grandson, if he isn't seeing you at least he will know you are thinking of him. Do you think she is doing something she is ashamed of/ like drugs? Just a thought, I could be way off point. Maybe this boyfriend of hers is keeping her from seeing you? I don't know enough of her background to deduce anything...but she will read the letters- you are her mother after all. Just be open and as honest as you can about your feelings. Let her know that even though the two of you may not agree on different things, you love her and want to be a part of her and your grandson's life.

Ace High

If I understand your letter correctly, your daughter must have been close to 16 ?? when she got pregnant. She is 21 with a 4 year old son. Allowing 9 months for being pregnant. She should have been enjoying her teen years and looking forward to going to college but instead she had a child with the burdens that go with it. I think your letter indicates that she had your help in raising him. She lost a lot of her childhood in that time. The "ick" factor relating to her boyfriend probably comes across "loud and clear" to her from you. Kids "read" peoples emotions easily. She knows that you dissapprove of what she is doing now and doesn't want to hear about it or sense it from you. Just try to be there when she does need you and don't try to judge her. But also don't let her treat you like a doormat when she does need you. -- Ace