I am a divorced and remariied father who has just seen his oldest daughter tranform into my worse nightmare. As I stated I am remarried and I have another daughter who is 2. My oldest daughter is 14 now and has refused to talk to me stating she is mad and her feelings are hurt. My divorce from her mother was extremely rough. Her mother is a diagnosed manic depressive that has a tendancy to lie. My daughter last year stated that she wanted to move out here with me and my new family and live. We made the appropriate arrangements (bigger house, bigger car, legal advise). Then she decided that she didn't want to live with me claiming she wanted to be around her friends and her mother bought her a new cell phone. Okay, fine we took that blow. Then this summer came and went and my wife (her step mom), really tried to connect with her and they seemed to bond. Well, again that seemed to be missread. Apparently, she has told her mother that we are mean to the kids (I guess taking a 14 year old to get manicures and pedicures, shopping, and really asking her to do nothing is being mean). She said my wife doesn't like her and that we are mean to my son. Far from the truth. I got a letter in the mail asking for an increase in child support, which will totally screw me.
I ten talked to my daughter and my ex wife. My daughter was sad but understanding when I first told her I would not be able to afford to fly them out to see me due to the increase. I told her so that she knew it wasn't because I dont love her, but because I dont have the money. I then talked to the ex wife and she started in on me saying if I can afford a $3ook home I can afford the increase. I never told her how much the house cost, and we got the house due to making money on the last home and putting the equity as a down payment on this one, and because the law states that once the children are of a certain age they have to have there own roome if they are of the opposite sex. So I asked her how she found out the price, she stated it's public record. I am just amazed that she really takes time to look into my life. I told her that was "stalker like", and she laughed and said I just need to move on. I have, but I can't get her to leave me alone or to be a resposible adult. So after all this went down my daughter started emailing me, and she started really disrespecting me in the e-mails. So I decided if she was talking to me like an adult, I would put it to her like an adult. I told her that she needed to stop being nieve and look at the situations at hand. I have never lied to her or tried to hide the truth to her. I told her her mother is simply getting at me the only way she can, bye using the kids and getting money, thats it. She did not like that but she left me no option but to put it to hert straight. She then went to a therapist who then called me just before I was leaving for New York. The Therapist started making assumptions and told me I need to see someone for anger management. I then told her my side of the story, and she changed her tune. By the end of the session I had brought to light the fact my daughter is now lying, her mother doesn't tell the truth, and I am actually a pretty reputable guy. The thing that pains me the most is my daughter actually becoming her mother. I remember the reason I divorced her mother was becaused she was a manic dpressive and did so many things wrong. She tried to kill my dogg, and then she let him out of the gate and when I came home I asked where he was and who left the gate open. She said my daughter left the gate open and I punished her for it, only to have the ex tell me 3 weeks later that she did it. I was inraged, so we went to a councelor and in the session she said she wanted to kill herself. She was then put in the suicide ward in the hospital for 4 days. After she came out I had had enough and it was time to do what I could for the kids. She is a really bad person. We were then seperated and were letting my daughter finish out the school year before we made a change. Then after my sons 3rd birthday we talked and she told me that I could come by the house the next day after work to play with the kids and put my sons toy togather thata I bought. When I got off work I called the house, no answer, so I rushed to the house. When I arrived no lights were on, I started to think the worse,did she kil them and herself, but I went through the house and gound nothing. I ran up and down the road yelling, and then a neighbor came out and said, you don't know, they left for Tennessee early this morning. She was so vindictive and cruel that she kidnapped my children. I went to the courts but was told that the children should not be taken away from their mother. I stood up and said but it is okay for them to be ripped away from their father, I was told to sit down and my attorney was instructed to keep me quite. So 5 years later, 30k in legal fees paid, and what do I have to show for it. A daughter who I stuck up for and tried to give a better life will no longer communicate with her father. The father that was her soccer coach, took her fishing, camping, gymnastics, helped with her homework, went to PTA meetings, was her sunday school teacher. I was the one who told her it was not right for her to watch her brother alone when she was 8 and he was 2. I was the one that cleaned the house and did the dishes, while her mother laid on the couch, unbathed for days, and did nothing. Yeah, I am a real bad father and I must be such a bad person that I coached youth football and all the parents love my connection with the kids. I don't know if I can take my daughter doing this to my new family and I do not know what to do. I cannot afford legal representation and really I dont want to. I would love to just be happy with my family and not worry about the BS.

Varoth

wow...that sounds a lot like my sister. Probably she is very confused about life right now and she needs someone to blame. Congrats, you're a scapegoat. But i have a feeling that the mother is probably behind some of whats going on with the daughter. And as sad as it seems, the courts will ALWAYS be biased toward the mother, even if she is a psycho . The only advice is to do the worst thing possible to her. Leave her to her own devices. If she doesn't have anyone to depend on she'll realize how much of an idiot she was. But hey, that's my opinion. No need to listen.

margarita_momma

Hi John,

I think a little tough love is needed in your situation. What needs to happen is for you to cut connections with your ex-wife and your daughter for a little while. Not to the point of no contact at all with your daughter but to the point that she the knows you are pissed and tired of putting up with her BS. You have to realize she is a teenage girl and living with her psycho of a mom. She is being manipulated on a daily basis by her mother and there is nothing you can do about it. You have a new family to worry about now and you shouldn't let your past interfere with that. She is still your daughter and once she realizes (probably when she is older) what kind of person her mother really is, she will come around and regret a lot of the heartache she has put you through. I did the same thing to my father when my parent's were divorced. I was a brat during my early teen years because I wanted to go and live with my mom (my dad had full custody). She would tell me horrible things to say to my dad to try and get him to let me go and live with her. But he never budged. I apologized to him when I was older for the mean things I had said to him after realized what a lying and manipulative person my mother was. There is no need for you to even speak to your ex-wife except about your children and visitation. Hang in there and good luck.