Why does my daughter (15) hate me? My wife asked for a divorce 2 years ago however we are still married and living apart. She - my wife - has been seeing someone and of course I do not approve sine it sends the wrong message to a young teen. I made the mistake of telling my daughter that but have not talked about it since.

A teacher at school has talked my daughter under her wing and told me that only positive comments are made about me in a divorce support group. The teacher suggested I write a letter to her, which I did. My wife told me she that my daughter tore it up. The teacher thought it was a good letter.

I have not talked to my daughter in 2 months. My wife will not return phone calls and has lied and not fulfilled financial obligations with the money I gave her. She also told me that the letter I sent was in her words "stupid"

My heart is breaking. Even Valentines gifts have not been acknowledged. HELP!

Copy of letter sent below:

2-12-08
Dear
I am writing you this letter after my conversation with Mrs. ; I can not tell you how proud I am of you. She was able to verbalize some of the thoughts and feelings you are having, even though it is a tough situation, you have become the strong, intelligent, and well spoken young lady I always knew you were. You are a special person Olivia and no matter what cards are dealt to you in this game of life, you will be able to play them. Keep up the good work of developing into a valued member of society. Your care for Gods creation – the environment, animals, your friends – is what is needed these days.
The two most important things anyone can do is service to one another and surrender. Surrender is when you hit a rough road in life and you confront it with faith and knowledge that there are better days ahead.
OK, my sermon for the day is over. And now, on to more mundane items.
Do you and some friends still want to go out to Athens to work at the horse rescue farm? She is expecting you but we can postpone if you choose. Also, I was wondering if you would like to fly to North Carolina with me to pick up a car from Samantha for Katie. We will visit with Ashley, Sandy and Walt before we drive back. We can stop and have lunch at NC State (Chapel Hill) and maybe visit the Biltmore Estate in Ashville (where we stayed in that resort last time). It would just be you and me, by the way. Katie would not go.
One last piece of “serious stuff”. I am doing just fine except that I miss seeing and talking with you. Please do not feel like you have to take care of me. I am not DeDe and I want you to do your job growing up.
I love you, call me or write back. You can e-mail if you wish. Also, if you want to have someone else with you (friend, Sarah, Mrs. ) to talk, go ahead if that will make you more comfortable.
Bianca’s birthday is Feb. 14, she is the star of her obedience class. That is from the teacher not me. She only had 1 problem. One class Bianca forgot her homework and told the whole class her human ate it. It was emabarssing because I tried to tell them it was Trooper who ate it but they believed her and laughed!
All my love,
Dad

N0help4u

Just from this I gather that quite possibly your wife is saying what sounds good in the support group and bad mouthing you to your daughter.

Save the letter and maybe start a journal on each time you are kept from seeing your daughter and the things you buy for her and how you feel about things. Someday when she isn't so much under her mom's control she can read it.
Kids have a way of seeing things from their limited perspective and trust what mom says without question. Hopefully someday she will realize there are two sides to every story and let you give your side.

If your x is spending the money on herself and useless things then she may well be telling your daughter that you are not contributing any money. IF so she could be resenting you on that.

Are you paying child support and/or money directly out of your pocket?

Fr_Chuck

My opinion, you are not really married, ok you have a license but she is a X, You still look at her as a wife, she is not, not really. I think you need to understand that you don't have any control over what your X is doing and if she wants to date ( esp if you have been apart for 2 years, it is natural) It sounds like the X has started a new life and is moving on, and you are not.

I think you need to come to deal with this and many other things will be better.

cremdr

But Father, in the eyes of the church we are married. I do not want to be with her, I only care for my daughter after all the hurtful things my wife has done. The message to my daughter is what concerns me. Also, it is my wife stalling the divorce process.

Thank you for your comments.