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i certainly never said that children are trash. i would never say anything like that about children. i love kids, if i could be a part of this boys life i would i and i was tryign. but you all seem to be missing the big picture his mother is refusing to let me have any contact with him. so blah, blah, blah back at all of you. i will be judged by the same god that will judge you. so back the f off. no his mother is not refusing me contact with him because i am a bad father. she is the one hurting the child because i certainly can give him more than what she can and i will give him love also. another thing she is living off of the government. so i dont care waht you think, i could give a rats tail. so you can agree with whomever you want. enjoy yourselves.
Most airlines have provisions for young children flying alone. Younger children fly by themselves everyday. I disagree that a 10 year old is too young. I will agree its not the optimum situation, but its definitely doable.
YEs, CJ he can fly alone. There are airlines that will fly a minor for a small fee, they are called unaccompanied minors. Typically the ages are 5 - 14.
I think the problem Teaspoon has is that he wants visitation under his conditions only. He doesn't want to go visit where the child lives he wants the child to come to him. My guess is that the court has offered visitation to dad under supervised terms until a bond is established and dad has refused it.
You can't just rip a 9/10 year old away from the only parental relationship he has had. There are simply too many negative results that that can cause for the child. You want visitation on your terms only, you want to pay only if you see the child...problem is it isn't about what you want. It is about what is best for the child and what the child needs.
As far as the court is concerned if you aren't willing to even go to where the child lives and visit for a couple of weekends a year, begin to have regular phone conversations, and regular video/web visitations to build the bond that will allow the child to be with you away from mom then you aren't thinking of your child first. And the court probably will just continue to dismiss your case and possibly even begin sanctioning you for wasting courts time without having a more reasonable plan to introduce yourself into this child's life. and if you go into court as bitter as you are here then you really will get nowhere fast.
You can not just expect this child to adjust to seeing you on your terms. To leave everything he has ever known to go to a state where he has never lived, has no ties, knows no one, doesn't even know you, much less a step mom and siblings is too much to ask. He will have NO security there. He has to build a bond with you first in a situation he feels secure so that when he does go with you to your home YOU will be his security.
You are simply going to have to start small to go big. You are going to have to inconvenience yourself in travel time and money to get to know him. Anything short of that doesn't tell the court that you are putting his needs and concerns first. And the court is not going to completely disrupt a child's life, security, stability for someone like that.
Your saying you won't pay if you can't see him isn't going to go well for you either. He isn't merchandise that you can simply refuse to pay for if you can't possess it. There are two forms of support that every child has a right to. It isn't an either or situation. You can't say well I'll provide the financial support if I can provide the physical support. You need to provide both forms proportionate the to the needs of that child. He has a right to the court ordered child support amount from you, and if the court deems you can afford it then you can provide it. He also has a right to physical support from you but right now because of what has happened it would not be best for him to just go with you to get it. You are going to have to jump through some hoops right now to give it to him. It doesn't matter how he got here, he is here, and you helped put him here. It isn't really your plight that needs understanding it is his. You need to be compassionate to how he is feeling, not how you are feeling, to what he needs, not to what you need, to what he has a right to, not to what you have a right to.
How would you like it if when one of your other children who live with you turns out to be someone else's? When one of them became 9/10 and it was discovered that someone else was dad, who lived 7 states away and suddenly said well I want that child to come to me so I can get to know them. You can't seriously tell us that would be okay with you could you? As a caring loving father wouldn't you say NO that would traumatize (my) the child, or would you really say what you are asking of that little boy...well he'll adjust, I am a good person, he'll get used to it eventually.
Think about it. Maybe if you change your attitude about how you are viewing this situation and go forth with your child's best interest truly first you might meet with a lot more agreement and cooperation from the court.
I have been down this road before....I was in court with my daughter when her father had not seen her since she was born. So she had no clue who he was.
The courts did not even metion denying visitation. We had a "graduated" visitation schedule set up so she could get to know him as her dad and feel safe with him, and they could build a relationship.
It went something like....
He got to see her once a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, we did that for a month.
Then he got to see her twice a week for 2 hours and I had to be there, we did that for a month.
Then he got to see her once a week for 2 hours with me there, and he got to take her once a week alone for 2 hours, we did this for a month.
Then he got to take her once a week for about 6 hours alone, and we did this for a month....
etc etc
So I don't in any way believe the courts are telling you that you can't see your own child. I believe that you just don't want to do it on their terms.
I have called repeatedly, i cannot make his mom answer her telepehone and nor can i make her return my calls. i never said anything about paying child support either. i pay my child support as ordered. so i guess my children here with my wife do not have a right to see their brother. i am supposed to just jump from plane to plane weekend after weekend. so when i leave on her message that i am coming to visit and she is not home, then i have wasted my time and my money for nothing. i have made every reasonable effort to see my child. when i saw him for the first time he was already 9 years old thinking that i was dead. if i am denied visitation this time i am through if he wants to see me he can when he is old enough. i call there 2 times a day and leave a message on the machine. i am looking for his mom to say that i am now harassing her because i leave a message each time for him to call.
all of a sudden i am a bad parent, or a liar, or i want things on my terms. no i do not i have handled things the legal way trying not to upset the judge but how many times am i to go to court and waste my time. i dont need anyone sympathy or judgement. i certainly never said anything about not wanting to pay child support. the child support does not hurt me as long as it is going for him not 100% to the mothers need. i am willing to fly there and fly him back on a weekend or on holidays. he will ljust have to adjust the same way that my family and i will have to adjust. it is the same adjustment just as going to school, or to a daycare.
i did not move anyway and not let me no anything about the child until he was 9 his mother did. it sounds like to me that everyone that has responded right off the bat says i am a liar, i am not trying hard enough, i want things my way or the highway. dont judge me because neither of you has that right. i have done everything that i can do legally and i still call everyday unless the judge tells me to stop. he did not even look at my phone records last time i was in court to prove that i am trying to make contact.
so you all can judge me , hate me or whatever. i will say it again i am a damn good father to my children and i am trying be a father to this boy also. i cannot make his mother do anything that she does not want. i will only fly out there one time and and she will know that i am coming and she if she is not home. i will not fly out there again. i certainly am not going to take the chance on flying out there without here knowing that i will be arriving.
i think i have read enough negatively from all of your emails, and i dont care to read anymore. i am sure that you all are woman and only think from one point of view.
no one has mentioned well it seems like you are going the right way however you are just not catching a break with the legal system or this boys mother. i do not know why she is so angry with me do not care. she is punishing the boy not me because the time i spend with him i can provide so much more besides love. i will do things with him as a family with my family. take him places and do things that he may not have done. his mother is preventing this from happening.
there is no "break" to catch with the legal system. No one is coming down upon you. You are just extremely defensive. You cannot have everything on your terms. If visitation is ordered she has to uphold it if you come to see him. She cannot violate the court order and get off scout free.
I'm sorry if you wanted to make your son a part of your life you would understand that he doesn't know who you are and would frightened to go spend time alone with you.
Frankly, your attitude stinks. Your opinion of women is vile and damaging. Everyone on here has given you loads of good advice but you are taking the road of "I take care of my kids". Good for you. Do you want a medal? Thats what you are supposed to do. When you have kids you take care of them and protect them and love them. What you want to do in regards to this other child is potentially damaging. Wouldn't you be scared at 10 to go spend a weekend with a stranger just because he was your dad? Are you really that selfish?
no i am not selfish and no i do not want a medal. this boy has no probelm with seing me his mother is the reason that i cannot see him. the judge has never ordered me any visitation, simply because the mother says that we do not know each other. well we do not know each other and i am trying to get to know him. the judge said for me and his mother to work out something amongst ourselves and let him no when we come back to court. so far his mother wil not return any of my telephone calls. i am taking care of my children like i am supposed to, i know this child did not ask to come here and no i cannot chaange it now. if i had known about this pregancy fro day one even if we were not together i would have provided what ever kind of support that i could have.
another thing i am not hard on women, everyone emails start off positive and ends up negative. am i supposed to disrupt my family here and bend over backwards when his mother will not even talk to me.
you need to rethink your thoughts before you write better yet do bother emailing back. i am sorry that i ever asked anything. everyone is quick to judge everyone else and i am sure that some of you all need to clean up your lives. you are not lawyers, judges or anything else that concerns me. you are not in the court room, filling out papers on my bahalf. or paying for my plane tickets.
KEEP YOUR ADVICE AND THOUGHTS TO YOURSELVES I WIL SEE WHAT THE NEXT COURT HEARING WIL BRING ABOUT.
And keep in mind...while you said what a good parent you are, and how you are trying to do all you can....your ORIGINAL QUESTION was how to reliquish your parental rights....
You Keep In Mind That I Also Stated That That Is What His Mother Wants Me To Do. I Makes No Difference She Is Not Allowing Me To See Him Anyway. And I Am A Good Parent Are You
There are other avenues. Why not get a mediator involved? A third party can get these arrangements down so you can spend time with your son.
But you are going to have to be flexible. If the mother is blocking you then fight harder. This is kid for Gods sake.
Some of us on here are being hard on you because we saw fathers walk out of our lives without a fight. They completely left us and never looked back. I had my father want to come back into my life a few years ago. Where was he the whole time I was growing up? Oh he was angry with my mother. My mother never blocked him from anything he just decided it wasn't worth the effort. You are willing to miss out on your kid over the mother. That is awful. There is still time to do right. Why not go up there and show up on her doorstep and say lets work this out now. I understand you have another family but your wife has to get that you want this child in your life. If there is anything in this world worth fighting through hell for it is your child.
You Keep In Mind That I Also Stated That That Is What His Mother Wants Me To Do. I Makes No Difference She Is Not Allowing Me To See Him Anyway. And I Am A Good Parent Are You
Well it was you asking how to go about reliquishing your rights.....while your immediate answer should be "hell no"
"am I a good parent" ....please, every breath I take everyday is for my daughter, every thing I do in life is simply just to see her smile, just to hear her laugh, if anything ever came between her and I, I would fight tooth and nail to be with her with no limitations, my last dying breath would be in effort to be with her.....now think again before you ask am I a good parent.....while you place limitation on your efforts.
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