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I filed for and received custody of my 9 year old nephew because his mom is serving time in prison and his father is deceased..It's been very hard since he moved in with me and has caused me to loose one job already beacuse of me taking time off to run back and fourth to his school to the principal's office an dsuch things. I can no longer afford to keep him because it's making it hard for me to keep a job and I have twin boys of my own to take care of..Do you think putting in foster care is something I can do. I have tried everything else...I need help.
Ouch! I dont think its 100% parenting issues. The child lost his father and his mother is in prison so obviously he is hurting inside and acting out. Dont abandon him again. He has no one but you now. Dont hand him over to foster care and not know how he is being treated. Try to get help. Talk to him. Put your heart out there on your sleeve for him dont just abandon him again. I am sorry he is causing problems for you. But this is a hurting child. If you love him and show him your a stable love in his life he might show signs of improving.
Go to your local social services office and ask them for HELP.
If you abandon this child, you will have to know that you are the THIRD person (in his mind, anyway) who will have abandoned him--and he will have nothing but issues resulting from it.
Ask for HELP, don't abandon a child that needs you.
I can understand that you must be feeling overwhelmed by his behavior and what it is costing you personally ,in terms of money ,time and taking away from your own children.
He has a deceased father,a mother in prison and you are thinking that foster care is a viable solution.While it will free you from further responsibility,I think emotionally it would be very harmful to him.
I think if he didn't have some issues considering his circumstance,it would be miraculous.He must feel like a very unwanted child.
Putting him into foster care where he may go from one family to another will only reinforce his feelings of unworthiness.
Has he been tested for ADHD or depression? Children do suffer from depression.
In the foster care system,he will be considered a hard to place child and may never find a family who is willing to give him the emotional support he needs.
You must have anticipated that there would be problems.
I hope you find a way to reconsider this ,for his sake. I think he should have a psychological evaluation and see what can't be done to help him.
Legally,I do not know if you can just give up a child in this way.That question would best be answered on the legal board.
Dont abandon him. Just dont do it. Look at all the children in foster care now. Seriously if we lived closer I would take him. I have a huge heart for children and there is nothing greater then to see them smile. He will be soooooo greatful to you one day when he is an adult and he knows your the one that stood by him when times were tough. What would you do if it were one of your own children behaving this way??? Send them into foster care?? Children are our future and you cant walk away and leave him alone.
I think asking for help should probably be the first step too. Social services can help, and will if it is a matter of losing a job they may be able to make you a "foster parent" so you get assistance. There are loop holes, they use them quite often when working with theraputic children. It sounds like he fits the criteria.
I feel for you.....I have worked with a number of children, two right now in fact, that fit very similar situations.
Has he had a complete physical at his doctor's? Has the behavior been brought to his doctor's attention and discussed? Have you met with the school counselor? What was his behavior like before you gained custody? What sort of incidents are occurring at school? What is his behavior like at home? His attitude in general? What are his social skills like with friends, relatives, etc.? How verbal is he about his frustratons, worries, anger, etc? Does he seem to understand that his actions will result in consequences....does he accept this or place blame elsewhere? Is he impulsive by nature...knee jerk reactions..not accepting responsibility for his actions or behavior?
Yes, he is likely hurting, but you will want to rule out other possibilities because if more is going on than just his having a rough time dealing with the parents' situations, you won't be able to deal with it on your own with just trying to be loving, consistent, and showing him you care about his well being.
Check out all possibilities....speaking to his doctor and the school counselor would be the first steps. They will also be able to put you in contact with other agencies should further support be necessary. Keep asking, keep pushing for help.
After exhausting all avenues, sometimes a foster home situation, where the parents are trained and equipped to better deal with certain situations/behaviors, can be a blessing for the child when the alternative of staying where they are won't help them to turn things around and be able to reach the potential that they could. That can sometimes be the greater disservice to the child in the long run.
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