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Well now that we're all back home and *somewhat* back to a normal routine, I'm starting to think again about the baby I will be having. I'm due in mid-June, right around Father's Day actually, haha. Anyways, I've been starting to ask (and receive) a lot of baby advice from family and friends. Most of it has been pretty consistent, but the one thing everyone seems to disagree on is picking up babies when they're crying. Both my mother-in-law and my adoptive mom think there are times when you should leave them in the crib to cry. However, my best friend, who has 2 little ones under 5, thinks you should always pick them up no matter what.
I am actually inclined to the idea of letting them cry sometimes, especially as the baby gets older. But my friend says this is bad parenting. Her oldest is almost 4 now, and she went to him every single time he cried... in fact she still does. She co-slept with him until he was 3 and breastfed him until age 2. She still has a lot of difficulty with him not going to bed at a reasonable hour, as he has no set bedtime, and she won't force him to go to bed. Her reasoning is, she doesn't want him to associate going to bed with bad things and negative emotions. She also says that going to a baby everytime they cry makes them feel much more safe and secure than if you let them cry.
Anyways I'm confused about the differences of opinion here. I want to do the best thing for my baby, but at the same time, I'm not really thrilled with the idea of having the baby basically run the whole household for the next 4-5 years or longer, which seems to be what's happened with my friend. She never has time for herself or her husband, ever. Plus as some of you know, my husband is a very busy doctor (and thus not home for long periods during the day), and I now have a 4 and a 6 year old to care for as well.
Thanks again Myth! I am pretty dead set against co-sleeping, but you're absolutely right, I won't know for sure how I feel until the baby is here and I will definitely try to trust my instincts on this one. Unfortunately my husband works days and the night time is the only time we're together, haha, so he will be wanting the bed at the same time as me! But I guess we'll see what happens.
Orange, your situation is a very different one as far as the 4 and 6 yr old. You already did what your instincts told you by having them sleep with you bc that is what they needed at the time. Their parents just died unexpectedly! It sounds to me like they are well adjusted and it is great they want to help you. You will do fine.
daughter slept with her mother off and on for years when she was a single mom. she'll still come home to visit from time to time and want to sleep in bed with her ma.
my son has been in and out of the bed. wife has had to travel and doesnt get to see him much, so even though it creates a burden sometimes, its good time for her and him. most advise against the child sleeping in the bed with you. there are obvious safety issues with very little ones in bed with a parent. my son has often slept my chest in a chair when he's sick and cannot breathe laying down.
generally i'd say its best to get them into their own space as soon as you can. i think somewhere around 9 months is when they can start to control themselves more w sleeping and waking... so most books suggest trying to have the routine down by the time they hit this stage.
another advantage to getting them to sleep on their own is its easier then for them to go to grandma's to sleep or for a sitter to get them down.
we had ours in the bed for some time. the price you pay is mostly lack of alone time with spouse and then when you do train them to sleep in their bed they're older and more resistant.
do what feels best to you.
my grandfather slept in the same bed with his parents as a little child for warmth during the depression, and then later with his siblings. he turned out fine. there are pros and cons both ways.
as for crying:
you'll figure it out. many say if they're crying because they are frustrated about a task, try to give them some time. solving the problem every time for them isn't the best thing to do. but also sometimes showing them the answer and soothing them helps.
my kid gripes and grumps a couple times a day. a few times i'll ignore it and tell him to work it out on his own. when its genuine frustration i'll try to give him help or a hug if thats what it takes.
I have a few years experience and I've done it a couple of different ways.
1. When it comes to a crying baby you have to judge according to why they are crying. You will probably be able to pick up on the different cries a baby can have. If there's trouble pick them up. If it's just for attention (which isn't always a bad thing) then you need to decide. I was told I was spoiling my babies by picking them up as often as I did. How can you really spoil a newborn? The only thing that can be a little trying is colic. That is horrible but it does pass. Just a little hint for the futue...while I was nursing I couldn't drink milk because it made my babies colicky.
2. Co-sleeping I would not recommend. Only because with our first we did that and when she was 3, she was very hard to break from doing that. I learned my lesson. So with the last four children, they got to sleep with us until they were 6 months then they had to move into their own bed in their own room. The nursing through the night stopped then too. It only takes about 3 or 4 evenings of crying. I would put them in bed and check on them and reassure them I was still there about every 10 minutes. It doesn't take long. My children even go for their naps wonderfully. The last baby was a little harder because he was "the last baby".
I hope I haven't gone too far off the deep end here. Good luck and congradulations.
Don't let a baby cry. Love them, cuddle them, reassure them that you are there. This will make them a secure person. Don't fall for the "Ferberizing BS"!! I have four children. I held them when they cried, I nursed them till they were 2-3. They slept with me till 3. They are independent well nurtured children. You can NEVER go wrong this way. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. To hell with cribs, playpens, bottles. If you are going to be a mother, BE A MOTHER and MOTHER that BABY. LOVE IT, HOLD IT, BOND, and you willl NEVER regret any of it. IT goes by in a wink.
Thanks pab. I've gotten so many differing responses and opinions on this thread, but I've really appreciated all of them. Actually I still don't know what all I'm going to do when the baby is born. I was planning on breast feeding until 12 months and not co-sleeping, but I keep changing my mind about everything. I'm sure it will all fall together when my baby is born. I'm planning on relying a lot on my instinct at that point.
I agree with Pab.
In any case, it will be difficult for you to let the baby cry. My daughter's son was rather difficult, and we both were lost when he kept crying and we could do nothing about it.
She nursed him in her bed at times, she was just SO tired.
It took tome for him to agree to go to bed in his room, he was used to the crib in theirs, but it's o.k. now.
it just took time.
the best thing to do i, as in any situation, to follow your instincts.
Now it's really time to go to sleep, isn't it?
Millie
My baby is extremely active tonight... usually he gets quite active in the evenings and then I have trouble sleeping. It's hard to rest while he's dancing around inside me!!
But I'm going to lie down very soon, as it's almost 1 am here!
No I didn't know about the sugar, Millie. Thanks for letting me know. That would explain last night for sure, but he's active most nights and I rarely eat any sugar at all. I even check labels for grams of sugar in processed foods. I'm kind of a health nut!
Besides being very active, he's also apparently bigger than normal for this stage of his development. He seems to be taking after his father in that regard. My husband was born 3 weeks early and weighed 10 pounds!! Ugh. I am a small person, 5'2" and when not pregnant I weigh about 105 lbs. I hope I am able to deliver this big baby!! I don't want a c section.
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