I have a 22 yo son who got out of the Army in Feb. of this year and has been living with me. I'm single and suffer from PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Anxiety Disorder. Twice since he's been home, he has moved in with his sort-of girlfriend about an hour away, and each time lasted about a week or two. I would help him move his stuff back home here. The thing is... I have applied for SSI and SSDI. It's been 3 years and I'm going on my 3rd hearing in about 6 weeks. I was getting unemployment for a while but has stopped so I have no funds coming in at all. I've had disconnect notices and eviction notices. I've asked my son for help, and he did pay one time to keep the gas on and gave me $300.00 to cover things from April.
When he moved back in yesterday after I made the trip to pick him up and load his stuff in my car, which is not in good shape, he said he's going to get an apartment soon because he wants to be alone and not help me.
I understand him wanting to save and keep his money (he gets over a thousand dollars in unemployment) because he's worked hard and served his country and I'm proud of him. I just want to make it until my hearing to see what the judge finally decides. If I get a job, the judge will say I'm okay and deny me, and I will go back to my issues with my mental help and not being able to keep a job.
If I get approved, it would help me finally get my life on track, which has been a terrible mess since I was a teenager.
Am I being selfish by asking him to help until the hearing? He did work hard for his money. And I want him to succeed. Sometimes I'm afraid to talk to him because he gets a bit aggressive and mean. He's said he now see's why the family doesn't want to be around me. But a lot of that is because they don't understand my illness no matter how much I've tried to explain and how they see me when I get attacks and so on. It's hard for me to keep a job because if I hear a child cry I start to have an anxiety attack and also because I doubt myself continually. I love him so much but am not sure how to handle him and my current situation. Any advice would be truly appreciated, even if negative. (Sorry so long!)


I would like to add that I do received food stamps which buys "our" food, and when I run out, I had to use what ever cash I had. He would not buy food. We both smoke and whenever he would run out of cigarettes, he would smoke mine then when I ran out, he would buy himself packs but I would have to ask and he would give me dirty looks. We have internet. I can do without for a while; I could go to the library if needed. He needs it on to get on my computer to play his games or to use his laptop. I had to pay the past due amount to keep it from being shut off because he had to have it on. He has his friends over, who don't work, and they have a huge party and he buys all the alcohol, they party till about 4 am while I have to stay in my room because there is nowhere for me to sit in the living room. Lots of little things like that... We've been through a lot while he was growing up. Homelessness, my stunt with drugs for a bit (quit on my own, which was so hard), moving a lot, but I am proud of him because of what he's achieved because of his odds. Does that make sense? I'm very passive, afraid of confrontation. One time, when he was a teenage he shoved me, which scared me because of an abusive relationship and he does call me a B... and says I'm a bad mom for kicking him out, even though I was getting eviction notices. I gave him an out...