My wife and I divorced when my daughters were 11 and 14, the reason for the divorce was that during our marriage my wife was having an affair we tried working things out but divorced. She continuted to see the same man for the last 14 years and I ended up marrying a woman in our neighborhood. My daughter and her daughters had been friends ever since they were little. My current wife and I dated for about 3 years before we got married. While dating my current wife, I rent a room in her house with her and her daughters, her house and my exs house were on the same street and everyday I passed by my old house and would honk or wave at my daughters as I missed being with them. My ex asked me to quit honk when I went by, she also asked me to tell my children that they were more important than my current wife's children and that I was to sit them down together and tell my kids that they are mine and that current wife children weren't my kids and I would treat them differently. My current wife's children had just lost their father to MS and lung cancer and I refused to treat them any different. My children said that they didn't want to come and see me anymore, but after several weeks they started come over again. My ex wouldn't let my current wife talk to the children she told her that she didn't have any right to discuss anything with them. As you can imagine my wife current wife wasn't real happy with the situatition but continued to try to get along with them. It's been 14 years since we separated and divorced. When I was growing up all I wanted was to have a family and a home. I always made time for my kids I went to all their games, graduation coached their basketball teams, I had them ever other weekend and ever Tuesday. My current wife and I always did everything with all the kids together, including vacations sporting events etc. If my ex ever needed to have someone there to watch the girls my current wife always knew that I would do what ever it took be with my kids. When my youngest daughter turned 16 my current wife and I moved about 40 miles away but I continued to meet with them to have lunch or dinner with them. I helped support them I bought them each a car when they were 16. Now one as graduated from college and is a nurse the other is still in college. Since I've moved away neither one of my daughter have ever called me except when their broke down. A couple of weeks my wife texted my kids about having a birthday party for me and they would respond. When I found out I called them and I told them that they needed to respect my wife they started cursing at me and I told them they could talk to me like that. They said they hated me and didn't want to see me any more and that I chose my family meaning my current wife and her kids over them and they never want to see or hear from me again. I don't know what to do I have never had to yell at my kids they always respected me at least I thought I can't stand now talking to my daughters I love them more than life itself. I've called them everyday for a month, they won't answer my calls, I always leave a message, they never called me on my birthday. Does anyone have any suggestions.

Hi, Tacomo08

Being that your daughters are adults, as you put it, you could explain things to them in more detail. You did not mention if you have already done this. I don't mean play the blame game as to whose "fault" the divorce was. I just mean tell them what you wrote us. Since they will not accept a call from you, try writing a letter. If they still live with their mother, perhaps you could send it by restricted delivery or certified mail or in some manner that you will know they themselves received it. It's important for them to know that you love them and always did and always will. As they mature, they will hopefully understand more. Cursing at you and ignoring you is their way of acting out their anger toward you and their loyalty to their mother. They may even want to call you, etc. but they would see it as betraying their mother. It only hurts the children when one parent (maybe their mother in this situation) puts down the other (you) and blames the other for all their problems. Did you ever have a formal custody agreement?