I have an adult child who lives at home who does not want to adhere to the rules that my husband and I have set. She does not do chores and stays out all night long. Also, whereas we recognize we cannot choose the company he associates with, we are not happy that she is dating a questionable individual.

incognito

So what is your question?
If push comes to shove, give her an ultimatum to get her act right or tell her to find somewhere else to live.

mr.yet

Pack her bags and put it on the outside. Change the locks and maybe she will be the hint.

You dont have to put up with that in your own home. Tell her to move on.

startover22

I agree with Mr. Yet. She has got to go and make her own life. It is a hard thing to let her go and make some major mess ups but that is the way it goes. I hope she makes good choices and remember your choices are not always the only choice, so let her fly! You survived and so will she! Pack her bags and change the locks, that is not a joke!

victoria_mitchell

I use to be like that. My parents didn't know what to do with me I didn't obey ANYTHING so they kicked my butt out on to the curb! "Packed my bags and Locked the Door" < literally.........Best thing that ever happened to me. I am a changed person, sometimes harsh love helps it worked for me

Megg

As a girl who was in a somewhat simular situation--being 20 and still living with my parents. I however, did my chores (more then i should have had to do) was treated poorly (verbal and emotional abuse) and i dated as well however, i personally feel that its not a parent's place to get in the middle of a grown adults relationship. Now, i don't know what kind of parent's you are, but the main reasons for laziness, rudeness and lack of motivation would be becuase of the treatment given by the parent's (you). If your self involoved, don't listen or don't care then why would your child care? However, it also could be because of being frightened at the thought of growing up. I'm not ashamed to say i was 20 and still living with parnet's/grandparent. I did more then my part, i was abused yet i still took it. How old is your child? If they are early 20's then give them a bit of a break. Parent's shouldnt just kick young adults out right after school. We barely have money at that point. Now, if she's older then pardon me im sorry. My point is, she may be a bit frightened (i was) and maybe she needs support right now. She could be having problems with her boyfriend. She could be having friend problems. This causes a lot of stress and the best thing for you to do is talk to your girl. Let her know that you love her and want to help.

I think the porblem these days is parnet's dont really REALLY take time to spend with their kids and listen to them. That's why they grow up to be rebelious. In other words if you cant handle what you helped create, then i have no pity. I hope you are a caring mother and father. Why do you want her out of the house? Just because she doesnt work or do chores? (good reasons yes, but if its because you just want her out then i think thats completely wrong) I'd talk to her calmly about things on your mind. If my dad would have been a better father instead of calling me names and verbally abusing me, i would have been a better person. It sounds like you want whats best for her. Just dont push her away too much, or you may lose her forever. Good luck.

Fr_Chuck

Yep I had one, hung with all the wrong people, running the streets, he found his clothes in black plastic bags on the front porch,
I think he lived in his car for about 2 weeks, then with some friends and then got a place with some other people.

My rule was always with all my grown kids, after high school, they can stay if they are in college or working, and if working they pay rent ( now I always held that rent in a savings account and gave it back to them when they moved out , after a few months to help them)

Now as a adult they had a choice to be in by a certain time, or just not come in that night, ( they were adults, so if they wanted to stay out all night that was ok, just not comming in waking me up after a certain time.

florarezai

I wish I could do what your parent did to you, to my kids 23 and 20 years old

MomOf-3-Boyz

I have to agree with most of the posts here ... I believe a child should have the option to stay at home as long as they are going to school or working ... and yep I agree with FR_CHUCK paying rent ... I think the idea of putting that in a savings account is AWESOME! And I also agree ... if your daughter is an adult then no curfew... if she didnt live with you would she have a curfew ?? I think not ! But this is YOUR house and YOUR rules so you do what you feel is right!

I am wondering why would you daughter feel that she can use you that way ? Have you actually sat down with her and said ... here are the rules ... we expect this ... and if this doesnt happen then we, your parents will pack your things up and off you will go!?

But dont bother if you arn't going to follow through ... I do in home day care and the one thing that makes me crazy is when parents say if you dont stop that , I am going to (feel free to insert any stupid threat in here) and the kid keeps doing it and the parent does not do what they said they would ... and guess what ... the kid knew that from the get go which is why they kept doing it ... empty threats are a waste of time!!!

Maybe your daughter learned way back when that is all there is empty threats and no consequences, maybe it was clean your room or you are not going out tonight ... and then tonight comes and she goes out and the next morning you see she never cleaned her room and yet you did not check on it before she left and now you figure whats the point ...

I am not saying that is what you did I am just saying if you are not ready to actually throw her out for not following YOUR rules in YOUR house then dont even bother pretending ... all its doing is upsetting you ... but if your serious about it then sit her down and tell it like it is !

florarezai

[quote=MomOf-3-Boyz]I have to agree with most of the posts here ... I believe a child should have the option to stay at home as long as they are going to school or working ...

I love your comment. I think as far as my boys are going to school and working they should be able to live at home. They are loving and family oriented boys.
But my husband does not agree. He left us 3 weeks ago saying he is not coming back unless the boys moves our. He has asked me to chose between him and boys. I think I have made my decision. I can't destroy their future becuase he can't live with them. I love them too much to do that to them.