Hello all, I hope that I am putting this post in the right area, but I am still new to the forums so please excuse me if I messed up. I am just stressed out and have been searching for some time for an answer and I hope someone can help if they are so kind.

I'm 23 and am expecting to be a father August 15th. I am not married but my baby momma and myself are on usually good terms. But for the past week or more she has been pushing to find out what to name our baby boy. I am still a little unsure what to name him, but she has a name picked out. In her opinion she gets to name the first name and i get the middle and last name. But in the course of the discussion (over the phone, I was driving to work) she threatened that if I didn't choose a name then she would pick the name and give it her maiden last name and I would have no choice! Not only was I shocked, but I'm sure she would possibly do it.

I love my son very much and do everything I can now for her to make sure shes comfortable and all that I can. This is a new experience for me but I just want to know my rights, that can the mother totally not include the biological father in the naming process?

Much thanks again in advance.

tawnynkids

A name is important for sure, not fighting is more important. Maybe you shouldn't concentrate on whether or not she has the right to exclude you (which I do think is totally unfair) in the naming process if you two don't agree but rather find a great middle name. (From what you wrote sounds like she said the baby would already have your last name if you can pick a middle one right?)

Mommies to be just want everything ready. So just try the best you can to talk to her, be understanding and make her feel ready for that bundle of joy to come. You will have plenty of "big fish to fry" in the years to come. It's a good time to start learning to pick your battles now.

p.s It's great to see a man write in here because he cares so much and not because he is looking for ways to run. GREAT JOB!!!!

spongebaby

:1# let me just tell u 1 thing i love the way u look at me i like the way uu see me baby i like gurl. don't you know i like it. just tack care of the baby and be cool .

itsnotspam

wow thanks for the speedy reply all.

No I'm not a loser to be father. I hate seeing and hearing about guys who are just deadbeats. I just a happy and enjoyable life for my child it just seemed unattainable after I heard that. And yes tawnynkids, she said I could name it the middle and last name. Yet I think about it, I think most women would let the child automatically have the fathers last name, and I would make sure we both agreed on a middle name.

But I did take to heart that the name thing is kinda small and that theres a lot other issues we should be worrying about but I guess I am still on a quest to see what legal rights fathers have now, just so that I can put my mind to rest.

Lol spongebaby I didn't know I made you feel that way I am usually a very cool dude so I know I got that all covered hehe.

Squiffy

I would say she does have the legal right to give baby whatever name she chooses (In the uk for sure she would do!) But dont worry too much. Firstly, pregnant women have weird hormones! She will be stressy and irritable and moody and all of that, rather than fight it, humour her, it is much easier. You soulnd like a nice man, it makes life easier. Choose a name for little man to be, it doesnt have to be the name he has when he is born. Both my kids ended up with different names to the ones I chose before they were born! When it comes to surnames, why not just use both? Me and my ex husband gave out kids both of our surnames, double barelled, it worked for us, and stopped any arguments later on, now we are divorcing! Also, you are right to find out all you can about your rights, and make anything legal that needs to be once little man is born. Everywhere has different rules, but I am sure googling fathers rights and the place name you live will help!

tawnynkids

Well I know here, in California, that if the dad isn't at the hospital when they come around for the birth certificate paperwork Mom gets to do pretty much what she wants. There aren't really any legal options for dad's on that.

To avoid any problems in the future, while you guys are agreeable, I would really protect the rights of you both and the baby and go establish a court order for custody and visitation. It can be easily done especially if not contested. I can not tell you how many times people in your exact situation have left it based on the good faith of the other, then every thing turned sour and became a horrid court battle. This would also establish your paternity legally, because unless you are married to mom (which you said you weren't) you are not the presumed legal father and really...I hate to tell you but you have no legal rights. So go get it established. Just better for everybody right from the start. You guys don't have to wait until the baby is born, you can jointly sign in agreement of your paternity ahead of time. Talk to a lawyer for the specifics. It may turn out that if you 2 work together you may just need the advice of a lawyer but can file on your own with the court with the help of a paralegal to do the paperwork for you for a lot less money. Good luck!