Sounds pretty awful, and it feels worse. But in the last two years 3 of my 6 adult children have made it clear they want nothing to do with me, and have claimed horrific things I have done to them.

Still sounds pretty clear that I am as accused, right? Well, I wasn't so bad when I cared for their children so they could support themselves after a husband bummed out on her. And I wasn't so awful when one of them wanted us for their babys first christmas. And I wasn't so awful when one of them wanted to go on a trip and needed their baby cared for, nor was I so awful when I was asked to visit repeatedly, to give one of them 'a break'.

And all this time I was feeling like a happy grandma, and my husband was feeling like a happy grandpa. Where were all the awful things we had done in their childhood then? Why is it now being thrown at us like manure on a wall, it never goes away. Nothing we can say, and no discussion accepted.

And now comes Mothers Day. The worst day of my life. I always felt like a poor excuse for a mother, my own mother was 'unattached'. But I tried so hard. And felt we were actually having a good relationship with them when 'wham', it hit like a train.

Other children who are not disowning us, 3 of them. One says, he finds them at fault, and not to listen to them. Another says she doesn't want to take sides. Another has been hurt by them himself, and doesnt want to talk about it.

How do I stop crying? I tried my best. And now three daughters and their 4 children seem to be gone from me/us forever. Can I get a hard shell on my heart and brush it off?

My husband and I cry about it often. He's angry, I am hopelessly and forever crushed.

So, how do I get past the pain?

Lynn

brandy681

I think that is rediculous Lynn.. First of all that would be crazy to hold a grudge just for that potty training issue and I can't even remember that time in my life.

I don't remember potty training because I was way too young to remember something like that and I am sure that she probably don't remember either. Even if she did remember what is that to hold a life long grudge about!

As far as the molesting part of the issue, I would definitely look in to this because your daughter(s) would have no reason to lie about it. I have heard of way too many adults who don't trust there children about family members or friends molesting there kids. I would definitey be angry at my mom if I she did not believe me and didn't put a definite end to it. Did you talk to her father about these issues because I would have and I would have done something about it because most of the times the mollestor will lie, not saying that this is your case but you always have to believe your children and put them first and admit to your mistakes as a parent.. even if they are wrong apologize anyway.

I know that you are probably upset that your daughter is accusing her dad of something like that but she must have a reason.. Maybe she was mollested by him at a young age or she doesn't trust him and is not close to him. If she was closer to him and trusted him then probably things may be different but if you don't take her side and believe her, and accept her wishes than I honestly do not blame her for this. I mean things happen and you may never be close to some of your daughters and for this you need to think something is up if 3 of your daughters do not care to see you. I don't want to seem harsh but that is a fact. I wish you luck and pray that you will find a way to heal all past wounds.


I have confronted my mom on some issues that I had as a child also and she said that she can't remember anything but my mom has apologized or I would probably still be a little upset about some things that she has done. My mom didn't do anything horrible but I have some grudges over my mom putting my brother first and all.

My mom finally admitted this because my brothers father had main custody and my mom didn't get to see him as much as she saw me. Always know that how you treat your children will come back to haunt you and treat all of them equal and show lots of love and definitely don't let anyone hurt your children because later they will hold a grudge for a long time or indefinitely.

Hope the info is of some help...

lynnirene

Miss Advice,

Do you know how inspired you are?

Last night I woke up thinking I should send bday/Christmas cards. But I was worried about what to say. Today, you repeat the same thought, and tell me what to say ! I know blessings come from 'people' not 'things', I just didn't expect it to be here waiting for me !

I thank you for your advise, it fits, it's good. I will do this. I knew I was going to send cards, but with your advice, I now know what would be good to right.

I saw a girl in WalMart yesterday, tall slender red hair like my youngest girl. Boy, it was hard to hold the tears back. I wish I had stopped to smile at her, it would have felt good to me. I often see young women who dress like her, or have her hair color. I decided that it was good practice to give a smile to anyone who did look like her, just to get myself ready for the 'real event', so I can be doing it without hesitation or tears (hopefully).

I'm glad you answered my post, thank you............Lynn

lynnirene

Brandy,

I think I explained in an earlier post. My daughter out of the country, I believe is telling the truth about the man who molested her, he was a know molester. But, we did not TAKE her to him and leave her alone in a house with him, or let her ride alone in his van, like she is saying. This would never have happened with out knowledge, no way in hell. but she is saying that it happened with our knowledge.

My other daughter, and the baby- Gpa and the baby and the whole family, used to watch as the baby sat on gpas feet, facing away from him, and he would bounce her on his shoes, playing horsey, she would bounce off and get back up again while we all had a belly luagh, and he strained a gut trying to lift her up. Initially my daughter reported that the baby, then 18 mo, said her bottom hurt, and she immediately accused her dad of molesting the baby. I suggested she take the baby to the dr to ease her mind, and she did. The dr said the baby was fine. But she was afraid and I promised her that dad would not be alone with the baby, he also agreed it was good to do. I thought it would give her time to process the situtation better. She was a new mother, newly divourced and I knew it scared her her. But one year later, she stated he had done it again, BUT, we kept true to our promise, and gpa WAS NEVER alone with the baby. In the meantime, she was taking the baby on overnights to the other gparents, and, unfortunately that gpa was an drug addicted alcoholic, and that gma worked every day, and a daughter of theirs had a live in boyfriend, and they were both using drugs at the time. My daughter now states that I knew her daughter was being molested and that I am lying about it, or, that I was simply ignoring what was going on. This is the worst pain of all for me, and my husband.

I know, with three daughters to explain about, it's hard to get it straight. I think your great for trying to understand though, thank you. I hope this is easier to understand.

Lynn