My baby father has an alcohol problem and can not stay sober one day. I live with my parents. He is not on the birth certificate and we are not married. He will not come to my parents house to see our daughter (which is where I live with her). He never asks to see her he always asks to see me so I will drive over there and of course I will bring the baby but he never asks about her or anything! He is physically violent as well as verbally abusive to me. He just threatened me today that if I do not bring the baby over to his house on Saturday and drop her off while I work for 10 hours that he will get his mother to pay for him to go to court and get weekends because he has already told her that she can come on Saturday to see the baby with out asking me. I have never left my baby at his house without me there because he drinks. When he naps he sleeps through anything. Yes he says he has raised his 4 year old (5 next month) since he was a baby and his mom walked out on him but this is coming from a man who just told me last week that he lets his 4 year old son shoot a shot gun when they go fishing that use to belong to his now deceased father.. well weekends are when he drinks the most from sun up to sun down.
I just asked a question a couple weeks ago on here about what I should do about him hitting me and I have decided thanks to great advice I want him to leave me alone. He hits me in front of his 5 year old son and it's just really not a good environment for me or my baby. He has a criminal record of assault 2 times and theft. In the past if he hits me and doesn't manage to break my phone in the process of me trying to call the police when they show up he runs and hides in his neighbors house in the duplex he lives in, but I know where he is at and he runs because I remember him telling me if he gets one more domestic violence charge he will go to jail for 7 years. I did not follow through with the report downtown because I did not want to see his child get ripped from the only parent he has since his mother has took off to live in another state since he was 1 and a half and never wants to see him only for christmas never calls or anything. My baby father just makes me feel bad for the things he does because I really think he is a sociopath. He is trying to say now that I have a mental illness when really he is the one with the alcoholism I am just so fed up! Do I need to get a family lawyer to get advice? Should I go get a restraining order (which I should have done the last time he touched me)? I really do not care about child support I just want him to leave me alone. If I get a restraining order what rights will he have to my child if he tries to say I am keeping her from him? Because I always brought her over his place since she was born until recently when I realized how dumb I have been playing into his games. He knows he can come to my parents house but refuses because he knows my parents hate him which is funny because my parents have never once been rude to him but hell yes they hate him for what he has done to me! They hear about it every time I come home crying. He says his mother has been complaining that she wants to see our daughter, but I have talked to her on the phone and told her a month ago that she has my number and I am more then happy to make arrangement for her to see the baby but she also knows I do not live with her son. She knows he has a drinking problem. I let her know that he does not help me with our baby either. I think if she feels so bad that I won't drive 45 minutes to drop my baby off over to someone she does not know then she needs to make an effort to call me and make arrangements with me. I am the custodial parent, and his side of the family needs to stop calling him and talking to him about it and call me. Another thing is is it wise to take my daughter to her house and just drop her off when they could keep her and get a lawyer and hold her until the court date if they decide to try to get rights? Can that even happen? I am just freaking out thinking about all the what ifs and he is stressing me out with the threatening so please someone help me get a clear understanding of rights.. if possible thanks!

STOP GOING TO HIS HOUSE.

You admit that this man is physically and verbally abusive and you still take your child over by him? You can get a restraining order but odds are it won't do anything because you haven't had the spine to even press charges in the past when he's hit you.

No, his mother cannot keep the child if you are the custodial parent. The police will show up and order her to give you the child. If she does not, she's guilty of child concealment.

You need to stop contacting this man immediately. If he wants to take you to court, then let him. He's not going to get anywhere. If he goes to court, they're going to order him to pay child support, which he doesn't want to do. By going to court, he's only making more problems for himself.

I agree with this8384. To get a restraining order you will need to document abuse and apparently you haven't.

But you do need to stop going over there. However, you mention nothing about his mother. I would not want to cut her off because of her son's nature. So I think you should allow her to visit YOU at your place for short periods. Since your baby will have a somewhat dysfunctional family to deal with, any family connections may help the situation.

What a dead beat!

He can't take you to court because technically he is not the biological father (no name on birth certificate). Once you agree to have him sign the certificate, then he can take you to court but it will do no good. The judge will see his abusive and alcoholic history, and they will say it's a no go.

I am so sorry you are in such a situation darling. No woman deserves to be treated like a piece of s***. Please, I am asking you not to take his abusivness anymore. If and when he hits you, GO! Are you afraid of him because I sense fear in you. I sense that if and when he hits you, you are too weak to do anything because you are afraid he will hit you some more. Don't be like that!

Be stronger for yourself and the sake of women!

Not quite. He can still take her to court to get his name on the birth certificate. He will have to submit to a paternity test though. And yes, IF there is proof of his abusive and alcoholic history, then he is unlikely to even get visitation. But often there isn't enough proof.

We can clearly see by reading her post that he is no good though.

I would not encourage bringing an abusive, drunk father into the child's life, although, a father is a very important role.

I totally agree. If we just take her side of the story, it would seem there is a slim chance that he would be allowed to be a part of the child's life, aqt least not until he gets his act together.

But we can't answer questions here purely from emotion. We pride ourselves on giving accurate answers. And we also have to take into account that there may be two sides to a story.

I try to look at situations from both sides, even if the other side isn't stated. I have done that with many other threads by asking the OP questions, and things they have done.

You're right. It takes two to tango.You never know. We could be fooled.

The major isssue here is that she is being physically and emotionally abused. The question is whether she allows that. If so, I will stop giving my thoughts because she can stop that. If she is one this site to complain about the things she is procrastinating on, then I won't allow myself to interfear.

... but she isn't. Or so I think. So I am not going to assume unless I get some answers. But she isn't on! :)

The life you surround yourself with includes your child... and your child will see whatever is going on as "normal" or "ok"... abuse in ANY form is unacceptable. Surround your child with good influences! No one can take your child away legally unless the prove abuse and/or neglect. Fathers use threats to get what they want without looking into how true those threats are. Go to your local Child Support. If you are on government assistance, the cost is waved. If not, the cost is minimal. They will set up paternity testing. If he is, in fact, the father, he will have a child support amount set as well as paying for the paternity test and possibly birthing costs.

Child Support has NOTHING to do with visitation... that can be done by going to court and you can express your concerns (they will most likely ask for proof of your allegations) and ask for supervised visitation.

When he assaults you again (which he will if you continue to go over there), you MUST press charges. He is showing his 5 year old that it's OK to hit a woman - that child is growing up learning from his father and chances are very high that he will continue the cycle his father has taught him. Your child will also be witness and live that cycle if you don't stop it. Not to mention, if you do break it off, his abuse of women will continue to the next woman he's involved with. He needs to be responsible for his actions and deal with the consequences of his actions... all actions have consequences - good or bad depends on the actions. It's not your job to protect HIM... it's your job to protect your child - and his child since apparently the child's grandmother isn't protecting him either.

Establish a relationship apart from him with his mother and set the ground rules that she can come visit you, but she has no "right" to keep the child for any length of time without your consent.

Protect yourself and your child!

I agree with ldyastrid but wanted to add also that you do need to stop going over there because if you have to say what a bad dad he would make and he says you are over there with the baby every Saturday or whatever the Judge could use that to his favor some.
Start writing all your concerns down. Like how he is demanding, how he treats you, that he lets his son use a shotgun and whatever else. Then start writing everything you can down with times and dates.