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My 8 year old is hitting her older sister and younger brother
Please help me, I am at my wits end with my 8 year old daughter. She had been hitting my 11 year old daughter. My oldest is watching the kids after school and this summer and the hitting has escalated and now she is hitting the 5 year old son. I have tried to reason with her, time out, grounding and even spanking and smacking her back. I am hoping someone else has an idea.................
I know that it is a lot of responsibilty but she has gone through the babysitting course and she is paid for it. I was wathcing kids all summer long way before I was 12. They are ususally responsible kids and they do get along most of the time. this hitting thing is new to me and I want it to stop.
While I believe that an 11 year old is a bit too young (I honestly thought the legal age was 14 if other children are in their care), you need to inform your 8 year old that while you are out of the house, the 11 year old is their superior and they are to listen to them as they would listen to you or suffer the consequences. The 8 year old probably is having trouble seeing his/her sibling as his superior, and is acting out through hitting. They have always been an equal in the power department. While it may cause deeper rifts initially, in the long run, the punishments (declared by you of course) will prevail, and they will end the hitting.
She doesn't really say anything. She knows when she is wrong because she tells me. Yes I agree that she is struggling with the oldest being in charge but this has just started and back to the supervision just so you all dont' think I am crazy or a bad mom I have enough people telling me that. After school they are only alone for 1 hour, I pick them up after school and stay with them for an hour and start homework and my husband is home within the next hour/summer. I leave for work at 8am and come home on lunch and fix them lunch I am home for an hour and then my husband is home 3 hours later. She does get to be a kid, I let her go swimming, movies, dances,ect with her firends especially on my days off or on the weekends/I think the middle one sees that too and is angry that the oldest gets to do more stuff but hey she earned it and thats' what I tell the middle one. But was just looking for some other ideas. School starts in 3 weeks so things will hopefully settle down after that and I will be off one of those weeks and my husband and I split our vacations so we were each home a week with the kids each month to give her a break.
One thing stood out when I read your question -- you are hitting your 8 y/o daughter after she hits her siblings. That doesn't stop her. She continues to hit (and you continue to spank her?). Why am I having trouble with this picture?
Are there plenty of things for your children to do while you aren't there? Quiet activities geared for each child's age? Chores appropriate for each child's age and ability? TV shows chosen by you? You have the major responsibility to keep each child busy, even when you aren't at home. Even though your older daughter has had babysitter classes, she is still very young and inexperienced. You can't depend on her to run the show totally while you are gone. The child who hits needs more stuff to do to keep her amused, self-directed, and less frustrated so she doesn't lash out at her sibs.
Your local public library has tons of activity books in the children's department and perhaps on a parent-teacher shelf. Children's magazines such as Highlights for Children, Boys Life, Ladybug, Cricket, etc. have terrific stories and puzzles that the 11 y/o can use as resources. Ask the children's reference department for help. In fact, on one of your days off, regularly take your children to the library to find and check out fun things to read and do ONLY when you aren't at home. Working together on the puzzles and games plus reading the stories aloud to each other might help the children bond and squash the idea of the 11 y/o being the "boss". (I was the oldest child of four and the anointed babysitter. Been there, done that.)
I never thought you were a bad mom, you know your children...each child is different, I just didnt know about the age there...
Maybe give your 8 year old something to be responsible of...do you have a pet? make the pet his responsibility, it may make him feel a little more important.
I never said you were a bad mum either, just trying to get the whole picture.
I do agree with Wondergirl though that hitting your child for hitting is giving the wrong message. Why would it be okay for you to hit her but not okay for her to hit someone else? Just think about that. We reason it out differently than an 8 year old does. We see it as discipline and punishment, but she sees it as hitting. Same thing really, to her at least.
The 11 year old is still too young for this amount of responsibility on a daily basis though. She may grow up resenting "raising" (cause that's the mind of an 11 year old) her siblings. You may have worse problems down the line.
Is there an after school camp at their schools? You may want to consider that if there is.
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