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I've had it. I'm ready to send my 7 year old to boot camp or the freakin Jerry Springer show. She is always stealing things from me and everyone else and lying all the time. I do not trust her. I tried to give her a chance on the trust thing and she failed. She takes things from her class mates at school as well. I have to follow her into every room that she goes into including the bathroom because the minute my back is turned she is stealing something or teasing her little sister. I cant leave her alone in a room by herself for 1 second. Not even her own room as she tears the curtains down or damages the furniture. She enjoys being misbehaved too because she gets this smirk kind of "haha" look on her face when she gets caught. And before anyone starts jumping down my throat about parenting skills, I have done everything I know to do. Ive disciplined, Ive taken her to counseling, Ive taken parenting classes. Everything. She has faced consequences for her actions and still does not seem to have grasped cause and effect. I don't know what else to do.
It doesn't take much for them to act out at school. My husband and I were having some troubles - when we went to a p/t conference, we were told that our daughter was refusing to do some of her work. She would just say she wasn't going to do it and would dig in her heels. That just isn't her. We saw it as a way of taking some sort of control in her life - where ever she could find it - because she couldn't fix Mommy and Daddy. And boy, did she try. Things are normal here now and so is she.
I would imagine your daughter feels like she has no control over anything and at school she can try to get her way no matter the consequences.
If she is 7 now and you have had her back with you for 2 years - she was probably in the middle of a nightmare in those very important years, where they are sponges and soak up everything! There is no telling what she has endured or what she has witnessed. And if that is all she was exposed to, that is all she knows. She just needs time to heal. She needs lost of positive reinforcement and maybe a project. Like sports or dancing or something that she can put herself into and be good at.
I don't know if you have already said this, but have you thought about counseling for you? you have also been through alot and now dealing with a hurting child - are you armed with the tools you need to help her?
I know when my daughter and I have bad days together - it is frustrating and I sometimes lose my temper and need to walk away. And whatever I maybe dealing with is nothing in comparison to what you are dealing with.
I am keeping you in my prayers.
I did not mean to push the soccer camp button, I am just saying, get her active into a good environment for her interest and you will follow. If you are still in SC state, some of the greatest sport clubs are there for her. (i.e. Hilton Head Tennis for youth.) She is at an age perfect for learning any kind of skill that will put her first in line as she gets older for scholarships to the college of choice. She will be that good if she starts now. Talk to any woman's college sports coach and they can even help. You are the one to show the way, your baby does not know these things and needs you to send her on an early path. Her life depends on it.
GoGirlGo! helps advance girls lives through sports. They supply the motivation and are grant funded to help. The mentors are woman in professional sports.
I was having a problem similar to yours with my son when he was that age. I TOOK HIM TO JAIL. When i got there i made him wait in the car (of course without the keys) while i went on the inside to see "if they took in his age" and told the deputy that I had an out of control kid that needed to be put in his place before they ended up with him in a few years. They scared the crap out of him!!! He was arrested, fingerprinted, the whole 9. I left him there for about an hour. Lets just say that after that experience his attitude changed.
I was having a problem similar to yours with my son when he was that age. I TOOK HIM TO JAIL. When i got there i made him wait in the car (of course without the keys) while i went on the inside to see "if they took in his age" and told the deputy that I had an out of control kid that needed to be put in his place before they ended up with him in a few years. They scared the crap out of him!!! He was arrested, fingerprinted, the whole 9. I left him there for about an hour. Lets just say that after that experience his attitude changed.
millec,
In the 'boys' school where I came from, that would make your son a real hero. In nymphetamine's situation, it would cause more harm than good to a little girl. Girls are emotionally structured differently and would distance her from mom because she was turned in.
It is good that your case worked out to the good. Not many do. nm
In the 'boys' school where I came from, that would make your son a real hero. In nymphetamine's situation, it would cause more harm than good to a little girl. Girls are emotionally structured differently and would distance her from mom because she was turned in.
It is good that your case worked out to the good. Not many do. nm
Well clearly nothing else has helped and she already seems to be distanced from her mom. Based on what nymphetamine has stated, she has tried everything possible to help her daughter. If spending a couple of hours in a jail atmosphere will do emotional damage then maybe it will do enough to make her not want to spend 10 years there and based on what mom has stated thats where she is headed. I have a female cousin that grew up acting this way, her mom tried different things before she finally lost hope and gave up. She is now serving a 10-15 year sentence because she & her friend thought it would be fun to rob a convience store, the robbery didnt go as "easily" as they thought it would and they ended up with additional assault & battery charges as well. Being only 15 she was trialed as an adult because of the battery done to the store clerk. So therefore I would rather scare the hell out of my 7 year old now then to spend my sundays at jail visitation later on. Clearly crime has no gender so therefore neither should punishment. Should she go through life doing things thinking "Oh well I wont get in too much trouble because i'm a little girl that might get emotional"? I hate to keep talking about her ending up in jail but thats all boot camp is, jail for people that are too young for the real deal.
Before I took a step like this, I would consult the childs counselor. See if this form of "tough love" would help or hender her. I can not imagine doing this to my daughter, but my daughter isn't on this road. This little girl is in such a bad place.
This could go either way, do a world of good or it could just as easily set her back and do more damage. I think this kid is on the edge and you have to be extremely careful not to push her off the cliff.
I am glad that this worked for you, millec. Parenting is such a hard job. You never truly know that you are doing the right thing. You just hope for the best and do your best.
Based on what nymphetamine has stated, she has tried everything possible to help her daughter. I hate to keep talking about her ending up in jail but thats all boot camp is, jail for people that are too young for the real deal.
Is it possible there was physical abuse or emotional neglect occurring while she was with her dad? If so, this behavior could be a response to emotional pain. I know you have repeatedly stated that you tried therapy, but counseling is not a quick fix. It could take years. I think you need to stick with it longer. She has had a lot of turmoil in her young life, being moved around by dad and social services and then to you. Stealing things constantly at such a young age leads me to think she doesn't feel secure, like everything around her might just up and vanish tomorrow, so she feels the need to take little pieces so she won't lose it all again. As far as teasing her little sister, I know what that is like. My daughter can be horrible to her little brother, to the point where I can't see why he would want to try to play with her, but that's the way kids are. I hope you find the solution, and I hope my opinion is helpful.
i talked with my daughter's teacher on the phone today. she says that the behavior at school has improved a lot. which i already knew because she had been putting good notes in her agenda. the behavior at home has also improved a bit. she seems to understand that misbehaving is not going to get her sent to the great grandparents house. some things still need to be worked on like the severe lack of honesty. the thing is that now she is lying to try and impress me. its not as if i don't praise her when she does good or encourage her so i don't know why this recent change. well at least there is improvement happening.
i talked with my daughter's teacher on the phone today. she says that the behavior at school has improved a lot. which i already knew because she had been putting good notes in her agenda. the behavior at home has also improved a bit. she seems to understand that misbehaving is not going to get her sent to the great grandparents house. some things still need to be worked on like the severe lack of honesty. the thing is that now she is lying to try and impress me. its not as if i don't praise her when she does good or encourage her so i don't know why this recent change. well at least there is improvement happening.
Sounds like things are going a lot better and that your daughter is picking up on your positivness. The lying depends on what is being said for your benefit as you say. This will taper off when she sees your honesty with her is real and she will become more comfortable without having to make up impressive images. Everything takes time to make a good wine, pardon the cliche, but keep up the good vibes. nm
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