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I've had it. I'm ready to send my 7 year old to boot camp or the freakin Jerry Springer show. She is always stealing things from me and everyone else and lying all the time. I do not trust her. I tried to give her a chance on the trust thing and she failed. She takes things from her class mates at school as well. I have to follow her into every room that she goes into including the bathroom because the minute my back is turned she is stealing something or teasing her little sister. I cant leave her alone in a room by herself for 1 second. Not even her own room as she tears the curtains down or damages the furniture. She enjoys being misbehaved too because she gets this smirk kind of "haha" look on her face when she gets caught. And before anyone starts jumping down my throat about parenting skills, I have done everything I know to do. Ive disciplined, Ive taken her to counseling, Ive taken parenting classes. Everything. She has faced consequences for her actions and still does not seem to have grasped cause and effect. I don't know what else to do.
I'm trying the counseling thing again, but the thing is I can't afford a couselor but maybe I could stand to learn some more. Maybe it will help me learn to deal with her better. Idk. I'll keep you posted.
Hi, I usually do not give advice to anyone about personal situations because I know from my own past experience that most outside help really had to come from one's own inside gut feeling. Some times the gut feeling was reactive more than well thought through in my own mind. I increasingly receded away from counselors or clergy help because it did not help the inner anxiety of self hopelessness.
The only way I could function was by self distraction into focusing on applying what I did best and that was technical work. I literally buried the mind into keeping busy working to avoid solving my own issues. I covered up mental pain and not being successful with my family affairs.
I got lucky though. I met someone who saw what I was doing to myself and they forced me into getting back to reality. The lady was a reformed hooker (the state had taken away her child) prior to meeting me and she told me what she saw and introduced me to the metaphysical world of looking into myself. She introduced me to a new environment of people who cared and shared through the view of what the mind can do in affirmations of positive thought.
You are still searching for that group I feel. At least you are looking and persisting to find answers. I am not sure if you have ever been involved in metaphysical teachings of a universal mind as is shared in UNITY churches that do not profess good and bad but profess mental belief in one's own strength as being a part of God in this Universe. Only the mind will provide solutions through sharing in the same energy networking to help one another.
I can list many West Coast non-sectarian church organizations that will help you with counseling and getting your daughters involved in group interests and activities that will give them a different perspective of being part of a safe haven that sees them as special and wanted with unabated love. This will help bring you and your daughter together more than anything else. Do not send her to a boot camp or any detention type environment. It will devastate her more. I know, because it happened to me when I was just 4 years old. So I know what I am telling you from first hand experience.
I hope I can make better sense later on if I get a chance to say more. I really see you as a real good person that has real worth but just has not found a loving support family group yet.
Sincerely, nmwirez
I'm no expert but I want to tell you to hang in there.My friends was a married mom of two with one on the way when he abusive husband came home cracked out and help her with a knife to her throat in front of their oldest daughter. He chased the child into the bathroom and her mom called the police. My friend is now away from this man for about 5 years and is now re-married to a great formerly single-dad. Her oldest daughter still has behavioural issues related to the time spent in her father's home. The younger daughter still loves their father. Dex never thought that the older was his although Terry never cheated on him. However, the second daughter he "knew" was his so she was never beaten up or hurt by him. Each child acts out in their own ways and unfortunately often on each other when the topic of their father arises. Things are getting better though as the time and counselling goes on. Have you researched child mental, physical and sexual abuse? Look into it and see if the aftereffects are similar to your daughter's. Any man who would punish a boy by hitting his penis would likely think nothing about helping himself to a female child. Your earlier description about when the girl talks to you about her time with him and then quiets down sound, to me, like her mind is repressing memories about that time that she's not mentallly or emotionally equipped to deal with. Please hang in there with the counselling. See if there are any kids therapy groups in your area. Find out about abuse support groups that might have info about getting help in paying for the counselling. Please hang in there, Nymphetamine.
P.S. There is nothing wrong with your screen name. I think it's cool. You are probably about my age. I see it as a reflection of a flirty, fun-loving personality; not a drug-addicted tramp. LOL. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you!
I had a little talk with my seven year old today since I have been trying to find out what is going on with her. When I ask her why she misbehaves she normally shrugs her shoulders. This time I asked her what she was trying to get from it. She told me that she wants to go live with her Nana and Papa who happen to be the grandparents of my ex. She thinks that if she acts up enough that I won't want her anymore and will send her to her great grandparents. Nana and Papa don't have rules at their house. They don't believe in discipline. Mom makes rules. Mom is not cool. Not cool at all.
I had a little talk with my seven year old today since I have been trying to find out what is going on with her. When I ask her why she misbehaves she normally shrugs her shoulders. This time I asked her what she was trying to get from it. She told me that she wants to go live with her Nana and Papa who happen to be the grandparents of my ex. She thinks that if she acts up enough that I won't want her anymore and will send her to her great grandparents. Nana and Papa don't have rules at their house. They don't believe in discipline. Mom makes rules. Mom is not cool. Not cool at all.
Reasoning with a young one takes a third party. Mom-on-daughter is not a win situation. Find out who she feels is that third person she looks up to in school. This is what happened to my daughter of 12. She ran away from home and stayed with her boyfriends mom who did not have concerns over my baby girl. It tore my heart out that no one cared to tell me what was going on until my son called.
It was not easy from two states away to find her and talk with her for 5 hours on the phone. I found out from her who was 'cool' and it turned out to be a teacher/counselor. I contacted him and he got things together as the third person who really settled a lot of problems between her and mom. Maybe this is possible for you. nm
At least now you have an idea what goes on in her head and have a starting point for some dialog. Good sign that she accepts you and is letting you into her world and feelings. I can understand her closenesss to her dads parents. How is her behavior at school?
Man, I keep reading this stuff and can't believe you are dealing with a 7 year old. (I have a 6 and half year old and can't imagine this kind of behavior.)
When your daughter told you she wanted to live somewhere else, that said to me she is testing you. She is going to push and push to see if you will leave her. That has happened to her already. So, before she can put her trust in you, she is going to test you. She is expecting you to just give up on her. So DON'T! This child sounds like she is so injured and probably needs more positive reinforcement than you can imagine. I don't think you can hug her or tell her you love her to much. I don't know if you do this now, but have you tried Mom and daughter days out? I know it sounds trivial, but having that one on one time could help.
Also, stay consistent. She probably hasn't had alot of that in the past, that is why she is expecting you to leave her.
Just know that she can't process what is going on in her head - she just isn't old enough to understand. You have the facts and CAN process it and it is probably hard for you to grasp. She is a lost little girl and you have to be her life line.
There are all kinds of resources out there that you can take advantage of - sometimes you just have to know where to look. Utilize your church, school, outreach programs - anything. Get her involved with girl scouts or whatever - something constructive.
Good Luck to you and I will put you in my prayers.
At least now you have an idea what goes on in her head and have a starting point for some dialog. Good sign that she accepts you and is letting you into her world and feelings. I can understand her closenesss to her dads parents. How is her behavior at school?
Her behavior in school isn't good either. I've gotten many phone calls from her teacher about disrupting the class, trying to kiss a boy after he asked her to stop, and being in the bathroom putting on make up (I have no idea where she gets the make up from, because I don't give her any) when she should be in class. Recently though I have been told that her behavior there has improved some. The school sent people from social serivices to my house before accusing me of all sorts of things because of her behavior, but after I put them in contact with the social service in south carolina and the social worker there explained the situation and told them to back off, they did.
Your daughter has potential and I believe if she is given a challenge she will put her heart into whatever she attempts. Try soccer sports where she can kick @zz. Give her a chance, get her on a club soccer team where they will test her to see if she is quick, smart and able to run with the best. This is where she will be able to excel. She has the attitude to interact and desire to be noticed!
Soccer teams are sponsored and have great instruction on the psychology of faking out the opponent, which she would really enjoy. Rod Stewart did and look how he ended up.
Free counseling, camaraderie, and interacting with mature kids at her level can change her around quickly. No mind manipulation, just great coaching. She will see what it takes to compete to win. You can be a soccer mom and get into a great group of people who will not jerk you around. Try it! Forget the boot camp. Good luck.
Hang in with the hugs, its a process that won't be solved over night. Keep talking to her, and the school counselors. Trying things to see what her likes and dislikes are as far as fun, sounds good also.
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