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My 13-year-old daughter is as tall as me and weighs the same as me. If I say something she doesn't like (usually about food - she constantly eats and now weighs about 150lbs) she reacts violently, hitting me, kicking me and screaming abuse ("you're a fat ugly pig, you're disgusting, everyone hates you" etc).
I am 51, watch my weight, try to exercise, work full-time, try and encourage her. She is failing at school - lack of motivation, unprepared, disorganised - her report says. She is popular and pretty. She is great with her many friends but can be terribly aggressive towards me.
I understand she is hormonal etc. The food thing is usually about the fact that she has been eating almost constantly before dinner then won't eat her dinner. I only buy healthy things but she will make up pancakes smothered in butter than eat more with more butter.
I worry about her weight. She constantly asks me if she is fat and I say = more often than not- no, but if I say well you are on your way, she goes beserk.
She says I'm ruining her self-esteem, but being kicked, punched and abused isn't doing much for mine!
I guess I'm asking what to do about the kicking and hitting. How do I try and stop it? I can't physically stop her - she's too strong. But I feel abused and helpless. What to do?
im so sorry,that makes me mad.i have a son-8mon ,daughter-6,and 2 step daughters that are 13 and 15,my 6yearold seems to eat all day to.i tell her how bad it is.so i stop buying the snacks and only what we cook we eat.when i here bout kids putting there hands on parents.it hurts me.parents should not have to be afraid of there kids.please dont let her get away with that.she could hurt you.and abuseive people get worse if you allow it.your her mother.
Wow. It sounds like your daughter has some serious anger issues. That is uncalled for - and i agree with pices1 - no child should ever hit their Mother. I think you need to seriously consider some kind of counseling. I am normally not a supporter of counseling or shrinks, but really, this is a case in which I think you may need some outside help. Or, maybe a pastor or minister... something, someone.
she needs counseling. if she persists in hitting you, id call the police. like it or not, she needs to understand the consequences of this behavior. i know of a person who was just tried and found guilty of harassment for verbally and physically threatening her landlord. dont know what the sentence will be, but one day of extreme aggression toward another is all it took for her to get charged and found guilty by a jury.
not a time to be a friend. she needs help mentally. and if she continues to abuse you, she needs to know there are consequences that are serious.
I agree with the others. She may be hormonal but she should not be hitting her mother. Bring into the house only those things you want her to eat, no snack stuff. It could be to do with what she is eating that is making her so aggressive, too much sugar perhaps. I agree with the above post, if you can't handle her outbursts call the police. Do that a few times and she will think twice about hitting you. If it goes on, personally I would point out to her that you could have her sectioned because she is becoming very violent. No messing. If you have a thirteen your old knocking you around do something about it. Imagine what she would be like at sixteen or eighteen. Imagine what she would be like towards you when you are going on sixty. You don't need that crap, and I'm sure you don't deserve it.
Hi my name is marshall im from england and i am 21 yrs old. I noticed that, as you say ,your daughter has been verbally kicking and punching you also abusing you. That is quite shocking indeed , here are some few tips:First of all spend time with her,secondly control her with her homework , thirdly act calmly towards her , fourthly, tell happy times when she was young and your glad and proud that she is your beloved daughter.Lastly give her treatments if she does what you ask then give her tickets to cinema and visits to friends and sleep overs and camping , etc.
She sounds like she is miserable with herself and taking it out on you.
From now on when she asks you questions like if you think she is fat
ask her why does she even bother asking questions like that when she
only wants to hear what she wants to hear. She may kick and punch you anyway but eventually you should get your point across or she should at least get tired of asking when she sees you will not answer.
You need to get a counselor to 'referee' so that she learns how to properly talk to you.
You need to get her to realize that she can't treat you right only when she wants something.
Call the police on her when she hits,kicks, pushes you or tears up your house. Let her know that there are laws even for a 13 year old.
If she doesn't like the inside of a police car or station maybe she will get the hint that this is no way to communicate with her mom.
When she ask you if she is fat turn the question around and ask her How shje feels about her size aske her if ahe is ok with her weight? don't give her an answer...I think she is using that to lash out at you.
Let her know before hand that you are going to do this the next time she wants to get physical. Then do it.
Please seek help for her. I think a good place to start would be the doctor's office. He can help determine what is wrong, what might help, and give you a referral to a counselor.
Your daughter obviously has some issues with her weight. Of course that does not, in any way, excuse her behavior. But it seems that any mention of what she is eating is the 'trigger' which sets her off. I think a counselor can help her with her self-image issues. Just try to buy really healthy foods, cook low-fat meals. Explain to her that the reason you are asked her to save her appetite for dinner is NOT because you think she is ugly or fat, but because you want her to be healthy and get all the nutrition and vitamins that she needs, especially at her age.
Tell her that since she is worried, in addition to the counselor, you will visit a nutritionist. They can help her set up an eating plan with foods she likes that are good for her.
If she doesn't get help for this now, she might develop anorexia or bulimia. She also may have depression or a similar problem. Sit her down and explain that you are going to help her get through this. Tell her that you love her, but things are going to change. Tell her that the next time she hits you, you will call the police. If she does, be prepared to follow through. I know that seems mean and extreme, but it's better for her to learn now than later. If you let it continue, she will grow up and may go off and hit someone and go to jail as an adult, not to mention hurt herself and you.
Hormones may make us girls a little moody or emotional sometimes, but they aren't an excuse to hit and be abusive. She is abusing you and she needs to stop before the pattern continues. Otherwise she may abuse her children, husband, or herself someday.
Good luck! She will thank you for your patience and love someday when she looks back on this time.
Thank you to everyone who posted answers. They are all of enormous help and assistance to me.
This is the first time I've posted to a forum of any kind, and the thoughtful, articulate and brutally honest replies surprised and touched me.
I love the honesty allowed by anonymity. None of my friends or family (if I confided in them about this - too hard and you don't want your daughter judged for eternity) - would ever be as honest and, therefore, as helpful.
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