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I'm writing this question for a friend of mine who has a 3 year old son. She is at her wit's end with his tantrums and is starting to wonder if they are normal or not. Since I'm not a mother yet I don't feel I have enough experience to judge that, but maybe someone here has an opinion? Here are a couple of examples of his tantrums:
The other day he discovered that the car has overhead lights on the inside of it. He loves lights so he wanted to turn them on and off, on and off. My friend decided to not let him do it at all, because it drains the battery. Well he had one of his tantrums and screamed and screamed and kept trying to reach the lights. He almost managed to get himself out of his car seat a couple of times (this was going on while my friend was driving!). She also has a 6 month old baby, and so when they reached home finally, she had to take the baby and the groceries in the house first, because the 3 year old refused to leave the car and continued screaming. Then she had to force him out of the car, and he got away from her and ran back to the car several times before she finally had to literally drag him into the house, kicking and screaming. Once in the house he continued to scream and cry for a long time. All together the tantrum lasted about 90 minutes. He has other tantrums like this several times a week. He has even lay down in the middle of the street to have a tantrum, and she's had to drag him to get him to the other side of the street before the light changes. All this with her 6 month old in tow. She gets very little help from her husband, who is extremely lazy.
Anyways basically just wondering if tantrums to this extent are normal with some kids. Thanks.
1-2-3 magic is great. I have alot of parenting information if you want it. I can send you my class packet. I teach parenting skills to people who are court ordered due to abuse or neglect. I have info from birth to age 18.
Eric sounds like he is calculating. It needs to be corrected now. I hope she gets it under control. I would hate to see him label ODD and end up medicated due lack of discipline.
Yes count them 8 boys total. Plus we have taken in several teen boys over the years. A stupid thing in the state welfare systems. At 18 the children are not adults and out they go, even if they are not out of high school. So the foster parents ( the ones just doing it for the money) won't keep them any longer. So you have 18 year old with no money, not out of high school and no place to live. Not alot of them, many find family or the foster parents still keep them. But we have helped some over the years. None as of late.
Is it like that all over the US? I mean, once you turn 18, is there no government help? I was a Crown Ward (in Canada) from age 4 until 18, although my parents had some visiting privileges (which they seldom used). In any event, after I was emancipated, there was still help from the government, in the form of monthly payments called Orphan's Benefits (my parents were dead by that point), and I also qualified for social assistance and special financial assistance to attend postsecondary school. Crown Wards usually get a lot of help from the system (unless they are incarcerated by that point) so that they don't repeat the cycle of their parents. Lots end up having problems anyhow, but we do get a head start that a lot of people WITH parents don't get. I'm sorry to hear that it's not the same way in the US.
Yes, when I got involved with one of my step sons life, he was rated by doctors as ODD. What we found was attention and issues from his parents divorce many years ago. Plus there was some diet issues and blood chemistry issues.
But after getting his diet straight, being given a more controled living situation over what he had, We found that the medicine he was taking was actually causing more issues.
Now this is not the case for everyone, and people need to follow thier doctors, but what I have seen is that alot of HMO's and insurance plans, pay for drugs without any problem, but counseling is not paid for, so it is cheaper and easier to medicate instead of finding other avenues of help.
Eric sounds like he is calculating. It needs to be corrected now. I hope she gets it under control. I would hate to see him label ODD and end up medicated due lack of discipline.
So this ODD is not a genetic disorder then I take it? I don't know much about it, but I didn't realize that it could be the result of bad parenting. I thought maybe it was just caused by either trauma or some genetic predisposition. Thanks for the info, I'm going to Google it to see if I can find out more.
And yeah Fr Chuck I agree it's definitely easier to medicate... actually medication is almost free here in Canada if you are low income. Whereas only the government sponsored counseling is free, and there's usually long waiting lists... sometimes a year or more!! The majority of counselors are in private practice and cost a lot. OH and psychiatrists are all free of course, but a great many of them treat by medication only, with little or no psychotherapy.
Fr Chuck i commend you again for being an excellent foster parent. Here in KY an 18 year old child can commit themselves to the cabinet until they are 21. Plus it guarentees them a college or vocational education. Not a bad deal.
Oppositional Defiance Disorder is not genetic.Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a psychiatric behavior disorder that is characterized by aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. These behaviors cause significant difficulties with family and friends and at school or work. It can be caused by a chemical imbalance. It is often in response to a chaotic environment.
Here in KY an 18 year old child can commit themselves to the cabinet until they are 21. Plus it guarentees them a college or vocational education. Not a bad deal.
Oh I am so relieved to hear that... I have a special feeling when it comes to foster children... guess because I was one myself!! Anyways that's great that there's a similar program in the States afterall. And thanks for the links and book names. I will check those out.
And yes Fr Chuck thanks so much for being a foster parent, and a good one too. Too many of the homes I and some of my foster siblings were in were bad... so it's great when foster parents actually care!
i found when my 2 year old started with the tantrums i took his toys away and left the toy in a spot he could see the toy but could not reach but remeber it will get worse before it gets better but it has worked for me
Christine, that sounds like a good idea also, since I have a 2 yr myself. He doesn't have alot of tantrums but he constantly wants to get his own way. This may work.
Heather, thank you so much for backing up what Chuck and I have been saying about spanking. I do agree there is sometimes cases of too much spanking where it really hurts the child more than shows him to change his behavior. I think we are afraid sometimes to show discipline with our children b/c we are afraid that CPS is going to take them away. It gives hope that with what you are saying CPS won't necessarily do that until there is a good reason (like abuse).
Chuck, again I totally agree with the fact that this is why our society is going bad. Kids are growing up being disrespectful to parents and adults. They think they own the world.
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Canada making group sex legal, abortion on demand in the US and many other places, legal prostitution in some places. Marriage having little value, sodomites being free to practice thier preversions and homosexual marriage being allowed in many places.
I will add kids killing people, drinking, drugs, premiscuous sex to name a few...hmmm...I guess this must be all moral things.
The fact that group sex being legal has just been approve does show the demoralizing of our society. The fact that everyone else approves it doesn't mae it right. I guess if they approve that you can kill people whenever you want or child porn becomes legal, that will be moral also. Just a thought.
I just wanted to update you guys about little Eric. He was seen by the specialist I mentioned earlier, who from observing and examining him thinks he may have something organically wrong with his brain. Thus some neurological tests, as well as other general tests for health, are being ordered for him. He, his mom and little brother are going to stay at my place until all the tests can be completed. I will continue with updates when we hear the results of the various tests.
However...
There are behavioural changes I've noticed in him, since he's been here, and they are pretty "telling". First off, he plays very nicely with my fiance. Also, my fiance is a big guy, with a big booming voice, and he's been really annoyed by the tantrums. He's actually told Eric to quit it a couple of times, and Eric listens to him! Whereas he doesn't listen to his mother. Also Eric seems to have fewer tantrums with me. I took him to Wal-Mart and McDonalds yesterday, to give his mom a break, and he was a perfect angel for the whole 4 hours! Unheard of!! I was almost embarrassed to tell his mom about it. Maybe he's just being "polite" with my fiance and I, or maybe he's scared of us LOL. Whatever it is though, it doesn't add up with a brain disorder, that's for sure...
JDuke44
In order for CPS to remove children they have to be in immediate risk of death or imminent danger. A parent spanking a child does neither. By spanking I mean a few swats on the bottom. Hitting a child anywhere else or leaving bruises could be construed as abuse. CPS can just as easily get involved with your family because children are out of control.
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