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daughter lives at home works 10hrs a week never has much money,is diabetic, smokes like a trooper,drinks lots of lucozade as well as going to pub and eats loads of chocolate, not happy unless blood reads 10 or more. has very obsessive nature which is centred on a bloke at the moment so she cant deal with anything else is not able so concentrating is hard for her if something else is going on, wont try and get a full time job lays in bed most of day,wont cook,iron.wash,shop,clean only does anything if you write it down.is either very unhappy or deliriously happy.we dont give her any money, to make her wants to go earn it. but love is turning to immense dislike. i want her to have a life b4 she becomes ill which will happen if she continues eating the things she does she is doing so much damage to her body, her reply is at least i`m not pregnant or on drugs which i am grateful for but it doesnt excuse her behaviour. she swears at me is rarely loving we nearly come to blows she has very little respect for me or her dad, we as parents are not fuddy duddies but that surely is unacceptable we.have done nice/helpful/angry/frustrated how do we stop the misery in our house and become a happy family again. she has both biological parents who have been together 26years so there are no issues on that score. any ideas would be grateful
At your daughters age it's time to call a halt to this insanity!
If she's not working then where in the world does she get her money to smoke,eat chocolate ,
etc.?
And how does she get clean clothing?
Food?
Whoever is enabling this nightmare to unfold in your home needs to stop immediately.
NO EXCUSES.
While it may sound "easier said than done" if you've not made any real changes or goals toward releasing her to herself it's time.
Real Love says "You can't hurt me anymore!"
You have little reason to "like" her at this point but it is your own fault.
Get your act together and don't let her use you anymore.
Give her 30 days to get a job.
Each day should be spent LOOKING for a job/applying .
NOT ON THE COMPUTER.
But in Person!
The computer should absolutely be off limits.
If she is not in agreement with this I suggest you call your local police privately and ask how to have her removed. Then let her be served with eviction if you can.
Commit her if you have to but get her help!
You have GOT to wake her up!
She is responsible for her behavior . Whether she wants to be or not.
Your own future is dim until you MAKE her get help.
She will be angry,she won't like you. That's ok.
Someday she will thankyou for not letting her destroy her life.
If you need a referral for local help let me know?
Please begin today to make the change that can set her free and give you back your life.
I would say, in very simple terms, change the locks on the door. At 21, she needs to stand on her own two feet. Using you and her Dad like this is unwarranted. If you want, you can give her a deadline and then STICK to it. But why wait? Nothing she has shown you says she is willing to become a responsible adult.
Okay--this may be a leap, but you stated that she's diabetic? And she drinks (loaded with sugar), she eats chocolate (also loaded with sugar). Diabetes runs in my family, and trust me when I tell you that I have grown to recognize when someone's sugar is out of whack. They are depressive, tired, angry, manic, generally moody.... Not following a diet that is healthy, eating regularly and 'cheating' the no sugar rule will turn an otherwise decent sane person into a monster.
She needs to first see a doctor, if her sugar levels are messed up, they can either teach her how to control it by diet and/or put her on a medication that regulates her glucose levels.
If she is still acting like an insolent, lazy spoiled child--I do ALL of the above mentioned things!
She's 21, she needs to take care of herself physically and financially. If she continues abusing her body by not dealing with her diabetes, she will pay dearly for it later...obesity, blindness, the loss of her feet, possible her legs, kidney failure, the list goes on. Trust me, it's horrible to see people go through that when they had the choice to take care of themselves and possibly avoid all of the health problems.
Your problem is easily solvable, tell her the days of luxury are over, it is time to get off the couch get a job because you have exactly a set day and time to move out.
Why parents molly-cuddle thier adult children of is beyond my understanding. What if "and it does happen sadly" that say something happened and you as parents to her were no longer living? HOW WOULD SHE EVER MAKE IT ON HER OWN? I can tell you she would get off the couch is how and get a job.
Don't sit there and say i will think about it..DO IT give her that set day and time TODAY.
You deserve to have a life of your own you did your part you raised her into adulthood..Now it should be your time toenjoy life ..NOT BE TO BE MISERABLE
Tough love, Momma! It's time. You let her hide behind her diabetes long enough. Tell her to shape up or ship out. She might leave but she'll either get her life together or she'll realize how good she had it with you and return on proper terms. As mentioned earlier, her lifestyle will kill her. if you love her then do something about it. Saying "no" can be a good thing. giving her the tough option might save her life.
What happens later on. You and your husband cannot live forever. She'll have to become self-sufficient sometime. I had a friend something like your daughter. He was molly-coddled by them since he was born.When he was 23 his parents died in a car accident. there was no life insurance and he was left on his own for the first time in his life. He couldn't handle it and killed himself three years later. She may not be that extreme but her life will change like running into a brick wall when real life hits her alone. help her deal with it now by making her get a life.
You did your part to raise her, now she has to do her part. Even Momma birds kick their babes from the nest. It's time to make her fly.
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