[terrier]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7yrs and for the past few months began a relationship with a married man. My boyfriend and I live together have had our ups and downs, we get along but sometimes I feel we are just friends w/benefits, I just can't seem to officially let go of him or the memory of the hurt he caused, I'm still missing that connection of intimacy. He promises he wants to do all the right things but he hasn't really tried in all these years. I stay more because I don't want to end up alone or with someone who I can't stand to be in the same room with. I don't condone what I started doing but I began seeing a married man who I've been friends with and knew him before he was married. He married the mother of his child and says he is unhappy but stays because of her irrational behavior and the fact that he wants to be with his child. The two have been apart for 5yrs and recently got back together and she demanded he prove himself by marrying her, which he did, and I've began officially seeing him no more then 2wks after they were married. I know the situation I got myself into.. which I tried the not going to let feelings get involved but that's always just an excuse used in order to start up the affair. He professed he was falling in love with me and after a few weeks I confessed the same. I know I know what was I thinking.. but I did fall and now I'm confused. I highly doubt he will leave his wife because she is one of those that will hurt herself if she doesn't get her way and he just allows her to treat him like crap which I've allowed myself to be accustomed to as well and know I deserve more but I can't seem to comprehend what my next step should be. I've attempted to end things with the married man and work on my relationship with my boyfriend and hinted towards marriage and kids but he just yes's me and doesn't do anything. Me and the married one started up again because we missed each other dearly but in truth I'm at a crossroad. As much as he proclaims he hates his wife I don't think he will leave her. He hints that he wishes I was single so we can be together but I've never out right asked him if I was to leave my boyfriend would he be with me. I don't like to give ultimatums. I'm beginning to think there is no future with either of them. Thanks for the listening ear.:confused:

[kp2171]

Being in a bad relationship isn't better than not being in one.

Yes, it sucks. Yes, its scarey. I've had a couple of periods in my life when I went through the "i dont want to be alone" phase. Thank God I went through that period of being alone. Took a while for me to find something really solid that stuck. Went through a lot of noise to get here. Happily married 7 years now.

Now, I'm not bragging when I say that. I'm telling you it can happen. But to get here I had a 7 year relationship and a 2.5 year relationship fall apart. And it hurt like hell. Until it didn't.

So you really know what you need to do. You need to expect more from yourself and for yourself. You need to step away from the married man. He's got too much to deal with and he Isn't going to spend his attention all on you. Like it or not, he isnt available.

And the boyfriend... you are just clinging onto the past. I have a friend who has done this with a lover that she has great sex with but they just can't be together. After a dozen years of this, she is no closer to being in a stable relationship or happy... because she knows that little bit of "security" she gets from being with him is enough to get her through the night.

Well... that's not healthy or sustainable.

So... stop being afraid to hurt and be a little lonely. It's the first step to moving on and getting to a better place.