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-   -   Child masturbation? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=37813)

  • Oct 18, 2006, 09:55 AM
    kacismom
    Child masturbation?
    Hi! I have a six year old daughter in the first grade. I have noticed in the past few months what appears to be her masturbating. She has her hand between her legs and she rocks back and forth. I tried not to freak out, because I did not want to make a big deal about it. I just told her that if she ever needed to touch her bottom, then it needed to be in private. Then last week, her school nurse called and said she was wandering if my daughter may have a yeast infection, because she was wiggling in class and acted like she couldn't sit still. I have definitely noticed the behavior but I don't think it is due to an infection. What do I do??
  • Oct 18, 2006, 11:56 AM
    J_9
    It very well could be a yeast infection, or possibly a bladder infection.

    While masturbation is normal, and expected in childhood, you should rule out medical possibilities first.
  • Oct 18, 2006, 12:23 PM
    kacismom
    How do I handle it, though, if it is masturbation? Also, how do I make sure this behavior is not a result of something bad happening to her?
  • Oct 18, 2006, 12:26 PM
    J_9
    Have you plain and simple asked her why she does this?

    You need to handle one thing at a time. First get her checked medically to make sure there are no health reasons for her doing this.

    Don't make her feel bad, or ask any questions until you find that this is indeed what it is.

    If you do, then you need to ask her the reason for her doing this.

    One step at a time.
  • Oct 19, 2006, 11:36 AM
    kacismom
    I took her to her pediatrician who said it was not an infection. She suggested I talk to her about things we do not do in public. I tried to not make a big deal about it but asked why she did it. She just said that she liked to do it. I also had the talk with her that if anyone ever touched her in a way that made her feel bad to come straight to me. I then asked if anyone had ever touched her in a way that she did not like and she said "yes". My heart about stopped and then she went on to say that a little boy at school thumps her on the arm and she does not like it. HA HA.. I explained to her about things that should not be done in public and hopefully this will be the end of it!!
  • Oct 19, 2006, 12:46 PM
    SINGLE4
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by J_9
    While masturbation is normal, and expected in childhood..

    OMG... Is masturbation of a 6 year old normal? This floors me!!
  • Oct 19, 2006, 04:04 PM
    J_9
    Well, it usually starts about the age of 3. But is not at all unusual at the age of 6. They are learning their bodies as well as what feels bad and what feels good. So, of course they are going to do what feels good.

    They just have to be taught subtly that this is to be done in the privacy of their own room, or when they are all alone.

    She may be going through some sort of hard time right now and uses this as an escape. Is there anything going on within the family that is particularly stressful for her.

    Now remember, what is stressful for her might be everyday life for us. So think hard.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 10:04 AM
    kacismom
    Well... her dad died two years ago. I remarried last year, we built a house, and her little sister was born this year. You might say these are MAJOR things, but the funny thing about it is this behavior just began recently. She is a well adjusted child who gets straight A's in school. She is very social, loves her step-dad(although she makes sure we all know he is not her real dad), adores her little sister and loves playing with all of her cousins. With this behavior being so recent, I don't think it would be attributed to these events. She gets nervous easily... that could be a stressor.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 10:09 AM
    RickJ
    I've never heard that sexual pleasure can be had by someone as young as 3. Maybe it's just a "lingo" thing. I'd never call a 3 year old who is "playing with him/herself" masturbating.

    Yes, I would definitely talk to her about what she feels is why she's doing it... and also get the opinion of your doctor.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 10:11 AM
    kacismom
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by RickJ
    I've never heard that sexual pleasure can be had by someone as young as 3. Maybe it's just a "lingo" thing. I'd never call a 3 year old who is "playing with him/herself" masturbating.

    Yes, I would definately talk to her about what she feels is why she's doing it...and also get the opinion of your doctor.


    I don't like the term masturbating either when I am describing my child's behavior. Curiosity maybe.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 10:13 AM
    J_9
    Okay, those are all stressors for us too. However, little teeny tiny things can be stressors for little ones.

    Just starting school can be a stressor to someone so young. They stress because they have been home all summer, there are going to be new kids they may not know, a new teacher. To us adults this is something really minute, but to people this young it can be a MAJOR stressor.

    Her dad died two years ago. No doubt the love of her life at 4. Then last year a new man comes in, now a new baby. Yes, she loves them both, and that is good. But it is still major upheaval in her young life. Too many things happened to her in such a short span of time. Children adjust well, and are very adaptive, but there is a line there that sometimes gets crossed, and even the child does not know the line has been crossed.

    I am wondering if she may subconsciously feel that she is not the baby any more, Daddy is gone, Mommy loves a new man.. Maybe subsconsciously she feels unloved. She probably will not even know she feels this way. She lost someone so important to her and then 2 new people come in and "take over" so to speak from a young mind.

    She may be doing this because it feels good to her, and maybe, nust maybe, something in her life does not feel good to her.

    You should sit her down in private, only you two, and ask her why she does this. Don't yell or anything. Just sit eye-to-eye and ask her Make sure your eyes are level with hers (that takes the authority feeling away from youngsters) and she may open up to you.
  • Oct 20, 2006, 10:25 AM
    J_9
    It is not masturbating so to speak. But many children do it. It is more of an exploration of themselves. They have discovered new body parts.

    Don't you remember when your kids were babies and they would lie on their backs and play with their toes? It is the same principle. They have discovered a new sensation. Nothing really sexual about it.

    Developmental theories as described by Freud and later Erikson:

    Ages 3 - 6 It is during this stage that the genital organs become the focus of pleasure. This is the time of exploration and imagination.

    My son is 4 1/2 and he recently began to play with his penis in the bathtub. Although he is circumcised he continues to pull the foreskin forward and tell me "Look mama, my pee pee is closed."

    This is normal folks.

    Erik Erikson: Initiative vs Guilt (3-6) Children like to pretend and try out new roles. Fantasy and imagination allow children to further explore themselves and their environment. Conflicts often arise between the child's desire to explore themselves and the limits placed on his or her behavior. These conflicts may also occur if the caregiver's resonses are too punitive. Teaching impulse control and cooperative behaviors to the child can help the family avoid the risks of altered mental and emotional growth and development.

    I hope this clears it all up!
  • Jul 30, 2007, 06:06 AM
    MargieR41
    I came across your post and my daughter is 8 yrs old, about to be 9 in a month. About 2 months ago, I walked in on her masturbating. I have been extremely concerned ever since and have caught her doing it about 5 times since. All the research I have done says not to worry, but it worries me to death. I can't figure out why she's doing it, hoping there's not some underlying reason. I have an appt with her pediatrician to talk with him next week. Have any of you heard of a child this age doing it? She says it helps her go to sleep. To the original poster, I know how you feel, I'm worried sick...
  • Jul 30, 2007, 06:08 AM
    MargieR41
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by kacismom
    Hi! I have a six year old daughter in the first grade. I have noticed in the past few months what appears to be her masturbating. She has her hand between her legs and she rocks back and forth. I tried not to freak out, because I did not want to make a big deal about it. I just told her that if she ever needed to touch her bottom, then it needed to be in private. Then last week, her school nurse called and said she was wandering if my daughter may have a yeast infection, because she was wiggling in class and acted like she couldn't sit still. I have definitely noticed the behavior but I don't think it is due to an infection. What do I do???

    I just realized the date of your post... what was the outcome for your daughter? Can you share with us how she's doing now?
  • Jul 31, 2007, 09:08 AM
    sGt HarDKorE
    Margie, you don't have to have a medical problem or whatever to masturbate. Girls go through purberty before boys do, so I assume they would masturbate earlier.

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