[XsilentscreamsX]

All right, I don't usually go onto sites like this but I don't think I can take this anymore and I have nobody to talk to who would actually listen. When I was 13 I started drinking a little, and then smoking pot, and soon after followed that with smoking. Soon enough I wanted to try more, I wanted to just get away from my liife I didn't care if that was only temporary. I did acid and mdma with a couple friends and everything just spiraled from that point on. Eventually I was lying constantly to cover up my bad habits, I was stealing from my familly, my friends, everyone. I was using weed everyday at least 3 times a day if not more, I was using ecstasy multiple times a week (sometimes everyday for a week or so) I was taking random things from my moms medicine cabinet (I usually snorted those). I was also taking meth caps, very rarely I would take acid or pcp. Finally it got out of control (though I didn't think so), I thought I could stop anytime I wanted but I finally realized this wasn't true when I said for th 10th time "okay THIS is my last time". By that point id lost almost all of my friends, id lost my boyfriend, my family, id lost all respect, all trust, but most important id lost myself somewhere along the way. I finally tried to stop, it hurt. The withdrawal was kill and I swear I went crazy for a month or so.. . I stayed home claiming sick eating chicken noodle soup (I should probably also mention that I have had a sinus infection for about 7 months or so, I really was sick). Now it has been 3 months sincee I last did e, about 1 1/2 since I last had a ciggarette, 2 since I last smoked pot, and 4 since I last drank. I don't know why (prob beczuse I'm an idiot) but I have already made arrangements with my dealer for the weekend to pick up some e. My ex boyfriend stiill cares about me and would completely flip if he found out, I still like him a lot too. . I don't want to hurt him again but I can't stay away from the drugs its just too hard.. . Anyway I just really don't know how to handle this all, there's tons more but my post is already long. Could someone please just give me some support or something? Because I'm reallyy scared and I don't know who to talk to, by the way I am 14 (I turn 15 in march). Please help?

[Clough]

Hi, XsilentscreamsX!

You will get lots of support here! I can guarantee you that! However, it's also very important that you do get help from others who can physically meet with you on a regular basis.

Is there an adult at school that you feel comfortable approaching and telling about the problems that you have?

Thanks!

[Jake2008]

If I could give you one gift, it would be to have you realize that you have the power to control your choices.

I admire you for being brave enough to post this, but I think you already know what you have to do. You realize what the consequences are going to be if you hook up with your dealer, and most likely put yourself right back where you were.

It is called a relapse.

Think of it as a little bump in the road. Your journey toward your goals has taken you a great distance in a short period, but you are running out of gas.

There are very effective ways to deal with a relapse situation. How to recognize it, what it will mean, how to safely avoid it, and get back on track before you make the decision to act on using again.

This is not something that controls you, you control it. You've already proven that. But stopping using is only part of the problem. You need to address what causes the need in the first place, and how to live with knowledge and tools to help you stay clean and sober.

Please see an addiction counsellor. They will jump through firehoops to assist you with strategies to stay strong and get through this.

You CAN do it.

[MayfairLady]

The reason you are going to your dealer at the weekend is because you do not know how to live normally without drugs - you are addicted to the thing that is making it easier to live in this world, but at the same time you know inside it is killing you. You are an addict and you need help, quick. You can learn to live without drugs and you can have a great life, it will take work and you have to really want it for yourself. NA and AA can help you, look it up online, there are online meetings. The only thing I know about drugs is that it always gets worse never better always worse, and just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.. so get off the train now while you can. Don't take the first drug/drink and ask for help. Best of luck.

[Ber Rabbit]

There is plenty of support here, we will do what we can. Take the suggestions and find an addiction counselor, you CAN beat this but it's a really tough road and having someone you can call will help.

You're not going to meet your dealer this weekend, you're going to do something good for you instead. You're going outside and you're going to walk as fast as you can for 15 minutes. If it's cold where you are make sure to wear a scarf around your mouth and nose to help pre-warm the air you're breathing. Make this a workout then write it down on a piece of paper with the heading "Things I did that are good for me". Accomplish one thing each day even if it's only sorting out your pencil cup and sharpening the dull ones. Start small and start exercising by walking regularly. Remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary completely. You CAN beat this!
HUGS!
Ber

[calopterygidae]

I can hear you. You sound very lost but I have found you here. In my town we have a drug intervention place called the Insight House. Look in your telephone book in the yellow pages under "Drug Abuse and Addiction, Information and Treatment". It may be listed a bit different in your town or city. Don't be afraid to call. The people there are kind and are there to help you. If you can do just this you can begin to get better. The treatment center will take you in and if necessary supply you with a legal drug that will help you cope with the effects of coming off your addiction. You will do this in steps, slowly. As slowly as you need to go. With all the help you need. You will meet people and maybe make new friends, people just like you who are going through the same process of trying to get their life back on track. You won't feel alone and you will always have someone to go to if you fall.

I will say a prayer for you. You sound so lovely. I want you to make it. Please do this as soon as you can.

[retsoksirhc]

You've already taken 2 BIG steps in the right direction. You see that it's a problem, and you want to stop. As long as you remember that YOU decided those two things, things get a little less difficult.

You said you're almost 15. I would talk to your guidance counselor at school. They're there to help you, confidential, and they can get you in contact with people who can meet with you regularly and help you stay on track.

Best of luck to you!

[Choux]

You have to get to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting asap. Feeling sorry for yourself will just play into your addictions and hasten your complete collapse.

Best wishes going forward, girl, :)

[spitvenom]

Don't get those E pills this weekend. I did E almost everyday for 2 years. It was the worst 2 years of my life. I wasn't happy unless I had an E pill. Eventually it got to a point where I would have to take 3 just to be happy and I didn't feel the effects. I was depressed when I wasn't on it which would be about 8 hours while I was at work.

One day I woke up and was just sick of myself. I had one friend left who I would roll with all the time and I said to her I can't do this anymore and she just started crying saying she couldn't either. So we started working out together, going to the movies together, just anything that normal people would do. Oh and 1 big thing we deleted all the dealers numbers we had in our phones. The first 3 months were hell to be honest with you. But after 6 months everything returned to normal I wasn't depressed anymore I wasn't fighting with every and anyone I met. It's been 5 years now since I took one and I never been happier I never went to a rehab but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Look into a rehab around you. It is not easy but you can do it.

[artlady]

When you state that things *spiraled out of control*you hit the nail on the head.Drugs control you and someone with your addictive personality cannot possibly control the drug.

For a 14 yr.old you are very bright,you have made a lot of stupid and self destructive choices but your writing and your thought process is smart and insightful.

So my question is what is a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? How did you get to a point where reality was so bad that the only alternative was to be high all the time?

You do know you need help.

Your parents must be aware of the situation and if they are not you need to tell them.You need help by a trained professional who treats adolescent addiction.

At the rate you are going,if you do not stop ,you may very well not live to see your eighteenth birthday.

Tell your parents and get the help you need before it is too late.