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I just dont know what to do
Asked Aug 5, 2010, 08:54 AM
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68 Answers My Wonderful Husband died just under 2 days ago, I've had members of my family die before, and seemed to cope fairly well,however with this I don't know what to do with myself, I feel lost alone, so sad, I've got 3 Sons 1 aged 4 1 aged 13, I also have another older Son who has taken my boys to his house until tomorrow, that's when the funeral is. I feel numb and as if I'm in a sort of nightmare, I don't want to see other people really, I know they're being kind and thoughtful, but I don't know what to say to them. I never thought any pain could be so hard, I can't seem to be bothered to do anything, I don't even want my boys around me, and yet I know they need me, I thought I was stronger than I am, now though I feel like a jibbering wreck, I know there's no normal "grief" and its different for everyone, I just don't know what to do, I feel like a zombie or something, as if I'm going through the motions. I don't know what I'm asking really, I am hoping someone can tell me or help me or say that why I'm like this is normal, or to be expected. I can't sleep or eat, I don't want to take part in life. Everything seems to be happening so fast. I feel like shutting myself away I don't want to face the world, or anything. I keep thinking Ill wake up and find its all a bad dream, but its not. The 13 yr old isn't my Son he was from my Husbands previous Marriage, will they take him away from me.? His mother signed away her parental rights but could she try to get him back now? He calls me his Mum though and I've had him since he was 6-7. I regard him as mine though. |
68 Answers
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| Did you legally adopt the son? The grief site you posted so recently should be helpful and a comfort to you. As you said then, there are five stages. You may or may not pass through all five. Everyone is different - I was totally numb and waited for months for my husband to come home. Sounds stupid but that's how it was. I simply couldn't believe it - and I was there, holding his hand, when he died. There is no normal or not normal - you go through what you go through and you do whatever (I found) gets you through the night, so to speak. Hang in there - several of us have been in your shoes and it's been different for all of us. It's good that you have such strong family support. I found that dealing with the "legal" aspects (the Will, etc.) kept me busy but kept my loss fresh. If someone else could help you with that aspect it would be easier for you in the long run. | ||||
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| Thank You Judykaytee, I did adopt my Husbands Son. I too am waiting for him to come home, I look for him listen for him, I feel I'm in a bad dream. Ive got the will to deal with too, although my Husbands solicitor is dealing with all that I believe, it will be read sometime next week. I too held my husbands hand in the ambulance but apparently he had already gone, he had a massive heart attack, he was only 39. He thought he had indigestion or heart burn, and the next minute he grabbed his chest and was unconscious. It happened so fast. | ||||
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| A widow who lost her husband quickly will tell you that's the hardest part, the suddenness. Those of us who sat at bedsides and talked about his impending death and then watched him happen will tell you that's the hardest way to lose a spouse. If you have adopted the boy, you are his mother and no one/nothing can change that. In the US the Will is not read. The Executor/Executrix gets it, admits it to probate. No big, dramatic reading - thank goodness. My husband, incidentally, had 3 major heart attacks - it's not like you see on TV (as you well know). Again - I'm sorry, so very sorry. | ||||
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| Thank You Again. Yes I know what you mean about nothing like on T.V. The ambulance men/paramedics had to wait until the machine told them it was OK to move him before he could be taken to the hospital. | ||||
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| Oh my! I'm going to go crazy, the undertakers have just brought ( well about an hour ago) my husband back to the house he is to be here over night, and all I want to do is go and get him. Theres a person from undertakers who will be here until another one relieves him at midnight, but the caskets open at the head part and won't be secured until the morning. I can't face it. I so desperately want to go get him out of it. | ||||
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| This is very different from the US and what I experienced. I can't imagine. | ||||
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It's really sad PP. Are people allowed to send flowers? I really am sorry. How are the little boys? How are his parents? I hope you can get through this. You'll miss him and especially when or if you take the boys to San Tropez. It will probably do you good to get away although I know you will be thinking of him the whole time. I wish I had the words to tell you how I feel. I just don't know what to say. ....Thinking a lot about you.......Kit | ||||
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| PP, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't imagine what you're going through, I'd be wreck, I don't know how you're doing it, you're a very strong person to be dealing with this, but still be able to come here, give advice to others. Remember that this site is all about helping people. We're here to help you when and if you need it. You and your children are in my thoughts. | ||||
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| This is really all I can offer as far as grief. Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement I know it seems little.I am not very good around loss like this. I hope we can help you any way possible,you are such a giving soul,now it's time for us to give to you  | ||||
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