How to deal with the death of my boyfriend

sorry for your lost
well this is just my personal advice..
first its not healthy to mop or for your brother to blame himself i mean things happen and what you need to do is start a new life make sure your around people that make you and brother laugh even though its hard you have to try this what i did when my mom died it was hard and still is after 4 years it only gets better with time but sad to say you never get over it....
yes you will cry and crying is good just because you lost him don't mean you have to let him go he will always be will you just dont get to depressed by thinking about him too much intil you and your brother can get to the point where you can laugh and joke about him and all the funny antics yall did together stay clear of sad moods and BE HAPPY GOOD LUCK!!!!

Thanks for your help, I guess my brother still has thoughts of the accident and even though he was not driving, kind of blames himself. In all honesty, only GOD can me now.

you are totally raw with grief right now, your whole world as you knew it has been turned upside down.

its so difficult to make sense of anything right now, just facing the day and drawing breath is hard, dont try force those memories to come, your in shock, your brain and body need time to process, that can take anywhere from 6 months to a year to two years, depends on the indivdual.

for now, gathering up emotional support is what you need, can you take a leave of absence from work, maybe stay with your mom for awhile?

grief is very person specific, everyone finds their own way through, theres no set rule or formula, but there are things that others have found helpful, they may not be for you but perhaps worth considering down the road.

1. start a journal, just randam thoughts, things about your boyfriend you remember, memories, pictures.

2. write him a letter, write yourself a letter, just say how your feeling, it does not have to be long, just how you feel your thoughts.

3. talk to a counsellor, this is not for everyone, some people dont feel they need it straight away or at all, others may look for a counsellor in a few months or even years.

4. talking about it, talking about him, you, how differant things are now, friends and family are your best bet, really purge.. often though friends and family recover faster and tend to burn out, thats when a lot of people turn to counsellors.

as for your brother he is going through his own emotional turmoil right now, if you could lean on each other it would be good.

all i can add is the passing of time does help, you are forever changed, you can learn to live without him and find a way to make a new normal for yourself.

You don't do anything except cry and cry and grieve if that is what you want to do. It is not easy , As time passes, think of a project he may have wanted you to do in his memory or honor. If you want go to grief counseling, most areas have several groups that meet weekly.

And your brother is having the same issues, now, and often there is no need to talk, just being there for each other.

hi
I am sorry for your loss, I truly understand what u are going through. I lost my boyfirend of nine years 2 months. It was so sudden. I too dont know what to do, thats why I seek other people on here who are going through the same thing. We too did everything together, life does not seem matter anymore. All I knew was him, everywhere i look reminds me of him. It still doesnt seem real even though i know he is not here. I ache for him so much and just want him to hold me but i know he cant.
I would advise you to let your emotions and cry is helps in a way and spend a lot of time with family and close ones, I know u said u live far from your mum , i would suggest you take some compasionate leave from work and spend some time with family.
There are days when i just dont want to get out of bed as i think there is no point. i dont think about nothing else but him every second of every day. if you want to to speak i would be glad to.

Grief is different for everyone - similiar in some ways, very different in others. Two months is a very short period of time when grieving is involved. Spending time with family and close friends doesn't work for everyone. Some people are more comfortable alone. Others need/want to discuss their loved ones. Everyone's grief is different.

I was widowed. I do believe if your grief is so raw that you think of him every second of every day you should speak to someone - it's a short period of time, of course, but there should be some hours (not days) that are better than others by this time.

I'm not saying not to grieve. I still have moments, years later, when I can't believe my husband died. I still occasionally think I hear his key in the lock.

Your life will never again be the same. It will be good. It just won't be the same. I don't think you can live through a stunning loss and come out the other side of grief unchanged.

And, yes, several of us who post here know what it's like to not care if the sun comes up in the morning. I remember actually pushing myself to get up, stumbling through the days on auto pilot, waiting for night time and darkness.

It will get better. I promise.

Hi, not sure how doing, its been 2 months and still I feel like its so unreal. There are days when I feel like there is no point of going on and wish I was in that accident with him just so that I could've been with him even in death. I ask myself what is the point of life right now and I know no matter what people may say its never going to get better for me. Let me know how you doing and if you need a listening ear, I can't promise that I will be of assistance but I can promise to understand how you feel help you if possible.

It never gets easier - it does get bearable.

It's just so recent for you that I'm still you're somewhat in shock.

I said the same things you are saying, then it gradually got better. My late husband always told me that how I would go on, how I would handle his death, would honor his memory. I try to remember that.

Hi Kay

Thanks for the response, just wish that i could of been with him then i wouldnt be going through this. You know my boyfriend said the same thing to me that i am strong and would be able to cope if something happened to him but i think that it is far from the truth