Last month my boyfriend died, he had been paryting all day at home with a few close friends cuz it was his friends birthday, I kept leaving sporatically because I didnt like his friend who was having the birthday..I left @4:00, came back @8:00p.m.,then left again til midnite. My boyfriend was so drunk and out of his charachter I was disdgusted and left. when I came back at3:30 a.m he was snorting pills....LOTS OF THEM!! I beggeg him to stop
he wouldnt listen so I laid down on our bed and made love to him so i could dissistract him from overdosing. while we madelove I noticed his lips looked kinda blue but thought it was the colored lightingin the room. I got up and went out to the kitchen to talk tohis son who was also there partying.EVERYTIME I WALKED INTO OUR BEDROOM TO CHECK ON HIM, There was a presense I couldnt see, something in the room that night that I cant explain. But it scared the hellout of me everytime I walked in there something didnt seem right. Like a bad aoura filled the room. To the point that I couldnt sleep in our room with him. So his son told me to go down the street to my girlfriends house and crash for a couple hours and comeback. So at 7:15 a.m I checked on him one last time but i just stood in the doorway of our bedroom, I couldnt even bring myself to walk to the bed and look at him.I yelled for his son and told him i didnt think his dad was breathing right,he insisted he was fine just really drunk. I woke up at my girlfriends around 1:30 in the afternoon and got to the house by 3:10,noticed there were people sittin around the table drinkin beer I asked where tony was (my boyfriend). They said they were waiting for him to wake up. My heart sank to my stomache cuz no matter how late tony partied he was ALWAYS up by 8:00 a.m I knew he was dead before I ever even opened the door. Iknew then what the unforseen presence was and the aoura and the blue lips......It was death taking his soul, and I feel I could have saved him instead of running from my fears. He was only 38 and i didnt save him. Im afraid his spirit is mad at me and wants to come get me. Im afraid of the dark now, im afraid to be left alone.Can anyone tell me that this will pass?his last words to me were "you're so beautiful janet, Ilove you so much" Is what im feeling normal? HELP!!!

lostissues

I'm sorry for your loss.

I believe that this will past. I do not believe that his soul wants you, but what I do believe is that you feel guilty. There were signs telling you that he needed medical attention, but you ignored them. He was obviously overdosing, his lips were blue, he wasn't breathing right, there was a lot of chances in which you believe that you could have saved him, but it's all too late now. So now that he's gone, you feel responsible.

Yet, what happened has happened, there's nothing more you could do. I think that the presence you felt was not death but your own conscience. It was trying to tell you to look more closely and go with your gut instincts in calling for help.

Guilt is something that everyone has to deal with, but don't let that trap you. Learn to accept the fact that he's gone, it wasn't your fault and move on. It was his decision to overdose, so please, calm down and tell yourself that it will be ok.

If you continue spiraling down this road believing that his soul wants you to accompany him, I suggest you get some psychological help. In the mean time, please, take care and I hope you feel better soon!

N0help4u

You have to forgive yourself and not blame yourself. Personally I believe when your time is up there is nothing you can do. Even when people have premonitions of death and the person is warned fate takes over and nothing can stop it. You could have done things different but it probably most likely would have been the same outcome with a different route.
I still feel bad that I felt my hands were tied when I last saw my old bf and just knew he wasn't going to live much longer. But you have to get on with your life and not carry the guilt. All you can do is to hold on to the good memories and his words.

teh threat

Good story, sorry for your loss, but the dude snorted pills. Doesnt anyone that snorts puts something other than oxygen or nasal spray up their nose asking for trouble? You're emotions will be all over the place for sometime. I cannot help you other than say things that will A)Make you feel worse. or B) make you be angry at him.

leeseeandjoel

Wow sweetie that's intense. I've lost three people I love to very tradgic deaths. My nine year old sister was killed by a shot gun, my 20 yr old brother was murdered with a marbled piece of wood and my precious daddy willfully died of pretty much a broken heart. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I know that that scary presence in your boyfriends room was definately a demon! that's what they feel like! He was just waiting and that is why you were not able to go into the room You should not feel guilty however! It's not your fault!! The Lord says I am the way the truth and the light and whosoever believes in him shall not parish, but have ever lasting life! Praise God!! We are living in a spiritual world and this is spiritual war! When you have Jesus you are on the winning side and you never have to fear the dark again! He shines light in all the darkness and the enemy trembles at his feet or even the sound of his name! Jesus died for us while we were still sinners, what amazing love our God has for us and if you were the only one he would have died for you and only YOU! God uses every situstion to Glorify himself let this one be your testimony! I will pray for you and the lord is abuntiful with pardon, grace mercy and Love. He is the only one who can help you at this time in your life and he want's to! Let him love you heal you and carry you! Lord Jesus, i pray right now that you be with this woman where ever she is at that you send you mighty warriors around her to minister to her hold her up and please dont stop knocking on the door of her heart turn this tradgedy in to a triumph for you Heavenly Father, bind the enemies attacks on her life in the name of Jesus, send you hedge of protection around this woman! Lord your word says to come to you boldly and I am coming to you boldly right now Lord let your pressence be known in this womans life right now Jesus, may this be a pivital piont where she looks to the Heavens and her past and see's you Lord and where you have been all along! Allow her to feel your love Jesus the perfect Love and see your truth and might! Praise your Lord! Thank you!! In Jesus's might name, Amen!!
Oh sweetie I'll will keep praying for you! The Lord has given you a gift and I think you already know what it is and if you don't know you soon will. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.

Fr_Chuck

First I am so sorry for your loss, and the only thing you could have done was to call 911. They are the people trained to save people.

Now with that "death" is not a person or even a thing that comes and takes someone, that is TV and fiction. A person dies when for a medical reason, too much drinking or drugs ( OD) or breathing issues.

And after they die, they are dead ( sorry but that is it) and thier soul would have gone.

And the dead do not come back looking for other souls.

I know that often we want to blame ouself for a loss and sometimes our bad choices in life does lead to bad things latter, but all of that is in the past, and now you have to deal with the present, no placing blame can change anything, Now often if we have a close person die in one room, in our minds we can't get over it, I have known people have to move just to get over the sadness of a area of death.