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My father died in front of me, how do I stop the flashbacks and nightmares?
Asked Aug 9, 2009, 03:23 AM
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24 Answers I am a 28 year old EMT and 3 months ago my father passed away from a two year battle with throat cancer. To make matters worse he died right in front of me. Since his death I have been experiencing constant flashbacks and nightmares of that day. My father did have a signed DNR and was in Hospice. That day I was helping him use the commode and when his was finished I sat him back down and he was barely breathing. I knew right away that he was close to death. Being an EMT and also having medical power of attorney, I knew I could override the DNR and try to save him, but I didn't. That decision has haunted me since. Minutes later I saw his last breath, heard his last heartbeat and seen his pupils fix and dilate. I will never forget putting my stethoscope to his chest and hearing nothing and feeling no pulse. I have seen people die before, but this was different. I keep asking myself "Why didn't I try and save him?" My question is how can I get the flashbacks and nightmares to stop? I'm afraid that this will affect my job. I feel like I can't talk to my wife or friends about this because their fathers are still alive and as each day passes I go deeper and deeper into depression. I can only get at most 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night. If you can help in anyway that would be great! |
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You need to talk to a professional - but I'm sure you know that. If you are thinking about killing ANYONE you need help. Where is the rest of your family in your life? | ||||
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| my dad was at hospital...and i used to go and see him after school for as long as they'd let me since he was in the ICU, he was really tired each day i went to sleep i prayed he'd still be there so that i go and see him even though he wasn't that conscious Tuesday i went out of his room, and i felt that something was close to happen.. Wednesday, my family didn't allow me to go as he was over tired i kept fighting with them to let me see him, but it was pointless at 5:15 Thursday morning, i woke up suddenly, gasping for air, n found all the house lights on, i felt a lump rising in my throat, n was about to cry since i knew something was wrong, i mean why would everyone be awake at 5 am? i asked 2 of my brothers, n they ran away from me, then mum came n sat next to me and boom.. the news came crashing over me he passed away at 5 am i didnt have the chance to him during his last day i know he's relieved now, no pain, no worries but i miss him like hell... i really miss him.. he was a doctor, n recently i got sick a lot, this is the 3rd week for his death if am not wrong, so i'm finding it really hard, he'd nt there to check on my sickness, give me meds or anything he wont be there for my school nor university graduation he wont be there for my wedding, for my whole life! gosh...i miss him so much.. and what i hate the most is that i cant cry in front of ppl (its a good thing) since i'm the younger in my family and i was kinda the closest to him.. i hate the idea that they pitty me.. i know he wouldn't want me to be weak, and i'm doing my best, but its so hard.. i really do miss him.. | ||||
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| Your post is heartbreaking. I can feel your pain. I think your father would want you to be strong in your grief - and that's not the opposite of weak. You need to do whatever you need to do to feel better and begin to heal. He sounds like a wonderful father. | ||||
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