Is it empathy that I am still grieving for my husband?

ballengerb1 · Jan 18, 2011, 12:56 PM

The lost of a close person, or even a pet for that matter, can cause great saddness in someone. Prolonged saddness can become depression which may not go away on its own. I attended family grief counseling for 4 months after a loss and it help. Something to consider.

Wondergirl · Jan 18, 2011, 12:57 PM

Everyone grieves at a different rate and in a different way. No, you are not grieving too long. In fact, most formal grieving lasts at least a year as the grieving goes through all the anniversaries and memories that can occur during a twelve-month period.

And grieving has nothing to do with empathy. In fact, your friends are not showing good empathy ("feeling with you") by telling you how to grieve.

My best-ever and favorite cat died March 5, 2009. I am still grieving for him.

troublemakerman · Jan 19, 2011, 07:53 AM

Don't listen to your friends, only people that have had a loss could express feelings, and they won't even say anything to you about getting over it. Find yourself a bereavement group to go to. I don't know your age but you can read some loss stories at this site. Http://www.aarp.org/online-community/groups/index.action?slGroupKey=Group362
My wife and I were together over 50 years, married only 46 years. My wife passed on Jan. 5, 09 so 2 years just passed. I still wear my wedding band and I wear hers on a neck chain. I have my wife's pictures all over, in my pocket, in the car, on the phone, around the house. I write poems, http://www.lovejoey-poems.blogspot.com I read them and I share when I can. I miss her so much it's killing me. I look at her pictures and think about her all the time.
Good luck to you.

azirajai · Jan 19, 2011, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troublemakerman

Don't listen to your friends, only people that have had a loss could express feelings, and they won't even say anything to you about getting over it. Find yourself a bereavement group to go to. I don't know your age but you can read some loss stories at this site. Http://www.aarp.org/online-community/groups/index.action?slGroupKey=Group362
My wife and I were together over 50 years, married only 46 years. My wife passed on Jan. 5, 09 so 2 years just passed. I still wear my wedding band and I wear hers on a neck chain. I have my wife's pictures all over, in my pocket, in the car, on the phone, around the house. I write poems, http://www.lovejoey-poems.blogspot.com I read them and I share when I can. I miss her so much it's killing me. I look at her pictures and think about her all the time.
Good luck to you.

Thanks for your advise and really sorry for your loss. My husbnd was only 43 when died and we were married for nearly 14 years. I have two children, 10.5 and 6.5. We were very dependent to each other as we were always away from family.

JudyKayTee · Jan 22, 2011, 10:07 AM

I was widowed in 2007 following my husband's long, painful illness. As prepared as I thought I was - I was not prepared.

I got no help from a bereavement group.

I think there is a difference between grieving and obsessing. It was my husand's express wish that my life go on - and it has. His exact wording was that I would do him no honor if, in effect, my life ended with his.

The first year (as Wondergirl says) was terrible. Every day all I could manage to do was put one foot in front of the other.

There is no proper way to grieve, no time table, no estimate of how long it takes for things to get better. Everyone has a different time frame, different healing time, different coping skills. For a long time all I wanted to do was stare at my late husband's photos. Then all I wanted to do was NOT see his photos.

I still have days when the loss weighs heavy on me.

You have just started down a road, a separate journey, a new journey. If it would help to talk to someone, do that. If your friends or family will listen, that's helpful. I didn't want to know what my friends thought. I wanted them to know what I thought. Their moral support was so important to me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

jandu · Jan 23, 2011, 03:54 AM

I also lost my husband 5 jan 09! Two years ago at the tender age of 42. He left behind three children, Me and many who loved him.It was very sudden he had a massive heart attack whilst at the gym. Two years later I'm still running the restaurant we started four years ago! People look at you and think that your coping well because you seem to be getting on with things, but I keep thinking If I crumble so do the kids and the business! I still have my bad days like today! But I miss him so much its painful!
My deepest sympathy to you all who have lost!
Sand

JudyKayTee · Jan 23, 2011, 07:55 AM

Well said, Jandu. My sympathies.

I found that people thought I was a lot stronger than I actually was because I cried alone.

I understand your pain.

heartache14398 · Feb 17, 2011, 06:27 AM

I lost my husband oct. 8,2008 in a traumatic accident! He was my best friend for 11 years too & my girl's best dad! He died at the age of 29! I can't let him go.....I am still grieving & I think I will always do. I CAN'T DENY IT IS actually affecting my life & I do need help for the sake of my little girl! I always feel down, sad, & angry! I am really sorry for your loss!

JudyKayTee · Feb 17, 2011, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heartache14398

i lost my husband oct. 8,2008 in a traumatic accident! He was my best friend for 11 years too & my girl's best dad! He died at the age of 29! I can't let him go.....I am still grieving & I think I will always do. I CAN'T DENY IT IS actually affecting my life & I do need help for the sake of my little girl! I always feel down, sad, & angry! I am really sorry for your loss!

Have you done any counselling, tried a group, something else that works for you?

If your child is being affected by this you MUST do something to help yourself feel better and accept his death, as hard as that could be.

Is it empathy that I am still grieving for my husband?

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